What would you do in this situation?

Question

I’ve been saving money to one-day surprise live-in bf with vacation to Europe. Last year (for xmas) I got him a new recliner that he wanted and he refused to sit in and try out before I went to bed… which really p’o’d me and led to a huge fight. So anyway, he really has no concept of money, as he doesn’t pay the bills, he hands me his paycheck and spends whatever he wants (until I tell him to stop because there is none left) I have 2,000 saved. I am beging to feel like he wouldn’t appreciate the value of what I am doing… saving money every month for years for a surprise. What would you do in this situation? Saving for the surprise… or spend it on your own selfish wants? Lately I am leaning towards spending it on myself.

he doesn't spend his whole paycheck. it goes towards bills, but I have to do the work of paying them all.

and he has expressed interest in europe.. duh

Answer 1

I think you already know your answer but here is what I would do. Give him 500 dollars and see what he does with that. If he doesn't do anything for you with it, you know what to do with the rest.

Answer 2

I would put it in a savings account, which may be where you have it. Then, when you have enough for the vacation, tell him that you would like to take him to Europe if he thinks he would like to do that. What if he has no interest in Europe?

Anyway, to address the rest of the situation. It may be that his parents never taught him to show appreciation for something received. Until you started the fight about it, he might have had no idea that ignoring it for a while might hurt you. Some things are learned -- and he didn't learn appreciation and maybe not compassion. Can you live with that the rest of your life? You probably have to stop expecting a positive reaction when you give gifts, or your feelings are going to be hurt every birthday, every Christmas, every future Father's Day once you have kids. And your kids should be taught appreciation but not to get their feelings hurt if they Dad doesn't show it.

Answer 3

Is he a shy person? If so that would explain about the recliner. He may not have wanted to disappoint you if it didn't live up to his expectations. We all do things for reasons that others do not understand. He may also not like surprises. Did you overspend on him and he felt that what he bought you wasn't equal to what you did for him? As for the vacation. Discuss with him what he feels should be done with the money, after all some of it is his. You each may have different ideas on what to do. Allow him to make his own decision about it. Would he rather buy, say, a new stereo system for his car? If you both have different ideas then let him have what he wants and do what you want to do with your share.

Answer 4

If you're continuously feeling under-appreciated, it's time to re-evaluate the whole relationship, not just the trip to Europe. If, however, everything's going well overall - then why not have fun and go to Europe together? I'm sure he has his bad days, and so do you. You're good with paying the bills, so you're the one doing it - well, he may be good in something else which he does instead of you. I would reconsider the trip only if you feel that there are larger issues in the relationship.

Answer 5

Here is what you do. Dump him! He does not sound interested in living his life with you, only for himself. Keep the money you saved and ask your parents or someone if you can stash your stuff at their place for a few months. Save one more thousand and then go backpacking on your own. You will never learn so much about your self until you travel on your own. When I was 21 I was in a bad relationship, I kept on trying to get him to save his money so we could go on vacation together, never happened. So I dumped him and traveled through Asia for two months on my own. I spent a total of 3,000USD including my plane ticket. Saw China, Vietnam, Camodia, and Thailand, went shopping and rode on an elephant. It was amazingly liberating and educational at the same time. When I came back home I had unbelievable confidence and meet my dream man, who now is my husband. All I have to say is do it now cause you never will later.

Answer 6

Save it for when the two of you split up! He is a selfish child, not a man. Fine, he hands you his check, but then spends most of it? So, in other words, you literally pay most of the bills with your pay check. And last year you went out of your way to get him a nice chair and he couldn't even sit in it for you? That is just being ungrateful right there. What did he get YOU? You need a man, not the child you are with.

Answer 7

Let him know that you want to go to europe, and that both of you should save a little bit of money, then 6 months after, suprised him with the tickets, but with the money he saved, use it for tours, restaurants, and just expenses, hey when you spend the money he saved, he might understand.

Answer 8

the answer to this is not so easy you are a caring and giving individual and he is not you need to think if taking him on a surprise trip is good for yourself or if you would feel better spending it on you. from personal experience I have learned that if a man isn't willing to take a firm hand in paying bills and making me feel special then I don't have the time nor the Patience to deal with him

Answer 9

You answer your own question perfectly. Spend it on your self! that is a desision thatyou will never regret.
Men come and go, so do money, but ultimatly it is you who has the power to spend your own paycheck and appretiate yoru efforts.

Fly fisrt class and upgrate yoru hotel and have plenty of money left for your self.

Good luck

Answer 10

Girl pay for a vacation that is very in expensive lol and then give him a cut too so that he can feel more like he has control over it! Lastly, don't forget to pinch a little bit off for yourself to make sure you get yourself a little make over that would encourage him to be a little bad boy! Lastly, good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 11

That's a tough one, part of me would want to go on vacation ~ maybe you should leave him home.
Maybe you should talk to him and explain the situation see what his answer is than make a decision based off of what he has to say???? If he is a complete A s s spend it on yourself ~ think spa or clothes or what ever it is you induldge yourself in!!!!