Should I stay married or should I go get a divorce?

Question

I've been married for 3 years now, no kids because I've got fertility issues. We both want different things out of our marriage and out of life. He's been manipulating and controlling me to the point where I just want out. It's like taking care of a child who thinks he's your father. I've already made plans and am seeking counseling and advice. I know he still loves me, or at least he thinks he does. I'm not sure how I feel about him anymore. He wants biological children, and I'm unable to bear them without a lot of help. I feel like I'm being suffocated, and I just want to breathe again! Should I leave him and move back home to the West coast, or should I tough it out?

Answer 1

unless u guys can compromise and come to a conclusion that you would both want you should get out because i was with a controlling man once and it just got worse and worse and worse to the point where you dont even want to hear about it...i became very emotionally depressed i lost weight i developed anxiety and a gallop rhythm in my heart...thankfully i'm a lot better now we've been apart for the last 3 years

Answer 2

Hi,

Well to me it seems that you are very tensed and burden with this whole issue. I understand this, it seems like you are obssessed and just fed up with the child issue, the infertility, the talks, the thoughts, the maintaining factors and ambience.

I also see that you need a change, perhaps a change of ambience. You seems to me a little tired and exhaused for the situation (where you feel helpless) but please dont confuse things and overlap with each other.

I would suggest - take a breathe, relax & cool down. Drink some chilled water and see your priorities, there is a chance you are just going astray.

Now also dont come to conclusions of runing your relationship (when you urself accept that he loves you) - I see that you need a space and that too may be a little bit alone (i.e. to be yourself) & may be he is also annoyed and upset that none of you can help each other.

If you can't conceive - he would understand, and you have to help him to understand this. Yes, you are taking professional help but to accept something unwanted is certainly painful and may take time.

I will suggest just change your focus for a time being from the situation, the whole situation has occupied your senses completely. Respect your relationship more than the need of your children.

There is an opportunity that you will come out of this and will accept this fact totally and enjoy yours relationship and have fun in life.

Answer 3

I think you should do whats best for you. God intends for you to be happy. If you can't have his children and he is not willing to accept that, then he may not be the man for you. There are men out there that will love you and will accept the fact that you have fertility problem. From what you wrote, you are not happy and thats not healthy. Don't be afraid to let go of this relationship sweetheart Love yourself 1st! If your family is on the West Coast , seperate and go stay with family for a while, celebrate you for a while its o.k. get your thoughts together and write down some things you want in your future to help you make your decision. God has a wonderful plan in store for you so follow your heart.

Answer 4

Marriage is about compromise. If you are unable to conceive, there are other options. Your husband should be more understanding about this. If the two of you want different things then you shouldn't be married. Being in a manipulating, controlling relationship is no good. If you feel you should get out, then get out. I wish you lots of luck.

Answer 5

Life is short. You need to do things to make yourself happy. It seems like you're not in a good situation. Marriage involves a lot of trust. If you think he's manipulative and controlling, sounds like the trust is gone.

Do you think there's hope? If so, do you want to try and see if you'll feel differently?

If not, get out of a bad situation. Do what's best for you.

Answer 6

Life is really too short not breathing! I was in a loveless marriage and stayed too long not being happy. I tried individual and couples therapy but in the end it was all for not. I stayed for nine years after I discovered that my spouse didn't want to be with me. You might be asking why I stayed as long as I did well it was for the sake of my kid. Now to hurt me further my ex is treating the kid as a pawn in limiting my time with my child.

Answer 7

Stay- I know it may not be what you want to hear, but you got to stay- you got to undertsand what the Bible says- God honored that marriage betwwen your husband and you so make the best of it- learn to pray- if you divorce him and marry someone else you will be considered an adultress- so stay with him read about it and see what God feels about that- remeber you vowed- for better or for worse- i guess you never thought things would get worse- trust me I know how bad things can get, but hang on in there

Answer 8

i hope your not offended by this...but i don't believe in coecidence...we may have similar issues...you are not alone...pray this prayer...

Lord, I pray for an end to this conflict and a breaking of the hold strife has on us. Take away the hurt and the armor we've put up to protect ourselves. Lift us out of the pit of unforgiveness. Speak through us so that our words reflect Your love, peace, and reconciliation. Tear down this wall between us and teach us how to walk through it. Enable us to rise from this paralysis and move into the healing and wholeness You have for us.

In His I pray,

AMEN

Answer 9

I tried for 29 years in a very similar situation. Run don't walk. It will not get better and I speak from experience. Don't be like me and see yourself in your 50's saying my God what have I done. It is more courageous to admit you need to move on then to stick out a bad situation lying to yourself.

Answer 10

L to the E to the A to the V to the E! Y? Because life is too short to B waiting on a egotistical man trying to control your life and then expect you to accommodate you! NOT!!