Trust in a 5 month marriage???

Question

I have been married for going on 5 months now.... A while before we got married, she cheated on me and lied to me. I eventually found out (not from her) and confronted her. She applogized over and over again and swore it wouldn't happen again. She loves me and nobody else and wants to be with me etc. etc. etc. She went the whole 9 yards for me to take her back which I did. I forgave her and trust her not to ever do it again. She also made a promise. She promised me she wouldn't go out (to a club or bar) again...... Very very recently she's been wanting to go out with her friends. To a club to dance with her friends. She asks me and I admit I get an attitude and say "Yes" go ahead, but she can tell that I really don't want her to. The main reason is because of the trust issues I have with her because of the past. She is 20 years old and I am 27. Am I being unreasonable by not wanting her to go??? Because of trust and the promise she made to me????

Answer 1

Why don't you go out with her.

Answer 2

Well your being unreasonable because you think a 20 yr old girl is ready to be married. She is not. She already cheated and still wants to go out with her friends clubbing. Either way your married now but I wouldn't say you should just trust her and take her for her word. She did cheat on you and I'm sure when she did she knew she was supposed to be committed to you. She also promised she wouldn't go anymore. Another lie. Keep a close eye on her. You might have an annulment coming up.

Answer 3

I don't think you are being completely unreasonable at all. It will take a long time to completely forget about her past infidelity and be able to move on. Even though she made a promise, she is right to go out with her friends. She will be more likely to stray if she is sheltered. And maybe her friends only go out to bars and clubs so if she wants to see them she has to go there. Just make her understand your issues about it. Do you both ever go out together? Maybe if it was a group thing for a while and you see how she is then ok. Or I say give her the freedom to go out and see if she disrespects you by staying out all night, etc.....If she does then she may be straying again. If not, then maybe she just needed a little fun with her friends. Maybe she truly is sorry for what she did in the past and will never do it again. good luck

Answer 4

Of course you're being reasonable to feel the way you feel. She should never have made a promise (not going to a club again) that she couldn't keep. She's only 20 so obviously she's going to want to go dancing with her friends. Why can't you go with her? I know you're probably done with that kind of stuff but every once in awhile so that she can hang out with her friends shouldn't kill you and it may solve a lot of problems between you. She wont get drunk and fall into someone else's arms if you're there to catch her. And I'm sure she'd have a lot more fun with you to dance with, especially when all her other friends find guys to hook up with at the end of the night.

Answer 5

Trust, the one thing we want to be able to do, and the hardest to earn back once it has been taken away.
If your wife has tried to earn your trust back by understanding how you felt and dealing with what she has done, you need to give her the opportunity to show you she can now be trusted. It is a risk, but a risk worth taking because if you don't, you show her that you still do not have trust in her. All you can do is ask her to come home at a reasonable hour, if she does then this may be the beginning of your being able to trust her once again. If she chooses to ignore your feelings than she probably hasn't changed at all and is just waiting for an opportunity to do the same once again.

Answer 6

Keep that girl in the cage and she'll want to break out. Let her know that you have your reservations , due to history, but feel that she's earned a level of freedom ( small). That being said, make sure she understands that she comes home at a reasonable hour and not drunked up ( 20?). She made promises that she was not really able to keep to win you back. You have to recognize that. The one thing you cannot do, is keep her home and steal her youth. She gets to be around 27 and realizes what happened you will be seen as controlling and manipulative. Best to let her go now and find out what she's up to.

Answer 7

you forgave her because you wanted to believe in her. However; i've tried that and it just seems to prolong the ending and destruction of the relationship itself. you forgave, but unfortunately will never forget. you have a right to think the way you do, she gave you a demon as if we don't have enough. but it comes down to this. you can either let yourself become eaten up with thoughts of what if.... or you can realize the fact; you have no control over anothers actions, she has to make the decision. you can't do it for her. But, if it bothers you sometimes, then it's the least she can do to comfort and understand why you think the way you do. of course she would just like it to go away and you to not think in those terms. it's a pain in the butt to try to make you realize she means what she says. Reality check for her: she caused these thoughts and bent over backwards to make you believe she was worth your ring; and now she must understand that just because she has it doesn't mean your mental thoughts are instantly relieved. it takes time and sounds like you both have a little more thinking to do about what a marriage is. you can't stop trying to trust her and she can't become impatient with you for it not being on her time scale. I wish you all the best.

Answer 8

she promised you she wouldn't ever go back out to the bars or clubs anymore and yet she is asking you if she can go because she is dieing to go dancing with her friends!! She asks permission to break her own promise to you and you say 'yes! go!", you give her permission to break her word? Yes, she is going to cheat again!!! I promise you she is. And why aren't you going dancing with her? Whats wrong with this picture? She wants to go without you. Get a divorce and move on........ your young enough to find a good lovein decent sweet woman. She is nowhere near committing at age 20 and if you stay with her, you are in for the ride of your life my friend. Blessed be.

Answer 9

I think it's reasonable. If you trust her enough, you know she wont do it; but you let her go even though you were unsure. Anyways, if you know her to always keep her promises, then i dont think you have to worry. But if you do feel as though she's forgetting it, remind her of her promise and discuss why you dont feel very comfortable for her going out to the club or bar. Just try to work things out in a marriage and discuss it out, because it's supposed to last a lifetime.

Answer 10

You have the right to not trust her. She lied to you. She was way to immature to get married but she is an adult. If she wants to go out to clubs why not have you go with her as well. There are plenty of other things she can do with her friends. She is a married lady now she could go shopping, out to lunch and to the movies. It would be one thing if she never cheated on you and wanted to experience time at clubs but she did and how can you enjoy staying at home wondering if she is going to do it to you again.l

Answer 11

You the thing is that people say age doesn't matter...but you have to realize that she isn't even legal yet to drink...therefore she is going to want to enjoy her twenties...Your 27 you've been there done that...but she hasn't...And well the fact that you really don't trust her makes it even harder...If there is no trust...I don't see how its going to work. Because she can honestly just go out and have fun with her friends but the cheating is always going to be in the back of your mind.. GOOD LUCK!!!