My wife’s mother doesn’t want my wife to get pregnant, she is not happy for us!?

Question

My wife and I have been together for 5 years.

My wife is 23 years old.

She has mentioned to her parents the idea of us having a baby.

Her father was happy, her mother was not.

After a lot of mean comments from her mother, my wife confronted her.

Her mom said she felt my wife had no patience for a child and would “snap” at her children when she was frustrated.

She said my wife would not be a good mother until she has “worked” on herself.

I was stunned because my wife is patient, kind, loving, etc. and is a good wife and “mother” to our dog.

My wife said she is never good enough for her mother.

My wife has a college degree, a house & cars paid off, and a happy life and her mother is still not happy for her.

My wife cut her mother off for 6 months and went to a therapist because of her mother.

We are now seeing her parents twice a month, but they don’t know we are trying to conceive.

How do we deal with her mother when she finds out?

Answer 1

It sounds like you guys are already doing very well with the situation. I would interpret your mother-inlaws behavior as jealousy. Maybe she wishes that she could have been the person your wife is when she was her age. I mean, to be 23 and have everything together like you say she does, that's fabulous! I'm 22 and I still don't know what I want to do with myself! And I have a kid who is doing great! I hope you two conceive VERY soon because you seem perfect for the role of a father. Caring for your wife and her feelings the way to apparently do is incredible. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 2

I think that if you guys want a baby then really it's nobodies business but yours. This (when it happens) will be the best and most exciting thing (don't get me wrong it'll be hard work) that will ever happen to you. If other 'people' can't be happy then I think you should cut your contact to the bare minimum, if any, 'cos when it happens, it is 3 peoples happiness that matters and nothing else.

Your wife does not need (nor do you) somebody supposed to be her mother saying all these negative things to her. Live YOUR life and have your baby and enjoy every minute. Best of luck.

Answer 3

I know its hard, but let it go in one ear and out the other. If it gets too hard, cut back on the length of time you visit. Don't cut her out entirely, they'll produce more bad feelings, but cut the time down to something you both can handle for visits. An hour, or less. Or limit it to just talking on the phone, then you can always hang up and scream in frustration later. I would never, ever let you wife and baby visit her parents alone, her mom might say something unforgivable and she'll need your support, even if its a "good" visit.

Or could you visit in a public place, like McDonald's.Does Mom tone it down a bit in public?

You could always straight out and tell her nicely exactly what she's saying to bother you, and give her an ultimatum, tone it down or we won't let you visit with the baby anymore. Try to be fair to her dad, though, in this case. Sounds like he's an innocent bystander and should be able to see his grandchild.

Answer 4

It is not up to your mother-in-law if you should or shouldn't have a baby. It's up to you and your wife! Don't let her tell you what do do because she will never stop interfering in your life if you do! Put your foot down now!

I don't know why your mother-in-law is criticizing your wife by telling her that she won't be a good mother when she obviously isn't a good mother herself.

If she stops speaking to you, so be it. You have to do what makes you two happy, not mommy-dearest.

Good luck!

Answer 5

at the end of the day both you and your wife are adults and can do want ye want in the privacy of your own home.her mother will just have to get over the fact ye want a baby.maybe your wife's mother feels if a baby comes along her daughter ,your wife will have less time to spent with her.maybe you and your wife should discuss why she really doesn't want ye to have a baby.by discuss the problem she is having ,there may be something else bothering your wife's mother.best of luck.

Answer 6

its u and your wife not u ur wife and her parents do whats best for the two of you ! thats wats marriage about being happy no matter wat dont let her mother control wat u guys do . maybe her mother is acting the way her mother acted towards her wen she was young i personally dont think its about u though i thinks there is something else btw ur wife and her mom that needs to be resolved
her mother just has to get over it if she doesnt want to accept it then thats her problem she will be missing out on a precious grand baby also i bet after u guys have the baby she will change drastticlly she will try to be more involved now that she has a granchild and she cant controll her daughter anymore i thinks its all about controll
good luck

Answer 7

You don't deal with it ,if she can't accept this that's her problem. your wife is a grown woman who sounds like she has done great for herself and maybe mom is jealous that she did'nt get to accomplish all of what she wanted to do. you are both adults, mom can be a part of your childs life or miss lots of great fun. that's up to her not you. don't miss out on a great blessing just because she doesn't like the idea, ever mother is differant.

Answer 8

Tell her mother to mind her own buisness. If she has a fit ignore her. It sounds like she is jealous of your wife's success.

I would basically tell her if she is going to continue to act like a spoiled brat than you will limit your contact with her.

Personally for your baby's sake you have to think long and hard about whether or not she is the type of person you want your child exposed to. Women like her are just poision.

Best of Luck with your soon to be baby.

Answer 9

mom has psychological problems of her own. the best way to deal with her is to NOT deal with her. how stressed out would your wife be if she had to see her mother 2 times a month and deal with that crap? chances of loosing the baby would be too great to leave it to chance for me.
if your wife has already dealt with her childhood issues (therapy for 6 months) then she shouldn't have a problem having her own life.
i would also tell mom (in law) that she's not going to see her grandchild until she gets help for herself. (what's good for the goose is good for the gander). if she tries to say she's not the one with the problem , explain to her it will be a problem to her NOT to see her grandchild. let her KNOW that she will NOT give your child the same 'problems' she gave her own daughter.

Answer 10

who cares what her mother thinks. Someone will always think they know what is best for your regardless of who it is. Maybe her mother is jealous of her?? When your wife gets pregnant, and you tell her mother the only thing that she can do is deal with it. If she accepts the baby then fine, if not then her lost. Don't stress yourself over someone else's misery.