Have you ever come home from work and just wanted to cry?

Question

My I have four kids who mess up my house sometimes that I feel Rage! I just want to scream at them. So times I yell and others I just clean it up. Any suggestions on how to get them to do it with out yelling. I have tried almost everything!

Help please!

They are good kids just totally disorganized!

17 girl very busy with school year round, 13 boy lazy at times, 9 boy lazy but will do what I ask, 5 yr old girl says it all.

I am a clean freak and my husband does not care either way. : (

Answer 1

Here's the problem...they are receiving more attention from you (screaming, shouting, pouting and nagging at them) for the "bad things" they do then for the good things they do.

Did you get that? I am with you on this sister and I'd like to help you out. It appears that even though you yell at them for making a mess....they continue because at least they are getting some attention period from you!

Here's the solution: Starting tomorrow do a couple of drastic changes in your own behavior and watch the magic unfold and you will see changes in their behavior.

For every good thing they do...shout!! and make a lot of noise about it!! say, WOW! did you clean that up? Then give him a big hug. If your daughter made her bed, scream and say "OH MY GOD!!" Thankyou!! then hug her for it. The kids will go nuts for doing good things and even cleaning up just to impress you and get the attention they're really looking for.

Be consistent, be strong and take deep breaths just before entering your house. Now, here's how to get things started....they probably won't do these things on their own so you'll have to gather and invest some strength in the beginning. Here's an example: if there's a specific chore you'd like done, ask "who wants to help mommy do this?" Make it fun and exciting...then once the child completes the task, praise him/her with encouraging words.

the key is no longer paying attention to the negative stuff they do.

start paying attention, screaming shouting for the good stuff they do.

e-mail me if you're interested and I can assist you or answer questions for you.

Answer 2

I understand where you're coming from...you just want to come home from a hard day at work to a nice, distressful clean house. I go through the same thing...my 2 kids and the babysitter never seem to clean up after themselves. You just have to set rules about cleaning up the house before you come home and if they don't then there will be consequences. Also establish some positive rewards as well.

Also look at your situation at work, maybe it's something that's going on there that makes you come home already upset and the messy house is just the catalyst that sets you off. If you leave work happy and relaxed, then you will be less prone to feel rage at home!

Answer 3

Acceptance and patience is the answer. Just do the best you can, it's all you can do. It's so hard to raise kids. Mine are 6 and 9, and they are just now starting to help clean up the house. Instead of yelling I ask them if they could help mommy and clean up the mess. They know they get what they want when they're good too. I reward good behavior.

I'm also a single mom, and it's had a huge impact on them. They know it's hard for mommy and have become mommy's little helpers. I let them know how much of a help they are to me and praise them. The praise alone is a huge reward to them.

Answer 4

I used to go thru this everyday. Nothing is fool proof but try this. I don't know what ages your kids are.

Treat the 4 of them as a whole..... (only for a few days until you get a handle on this)

NO MONEY and I mean ABSOLUTELY NO MONEY goes to any of them for anything unless it is kept clean while you are at work. They all do it or nobody does anything.

They do not go anywhere, not to the neighbors, a friends, a ballgame, the mall, the store...nowhere.

Take the cords that hook up the cable tv with you, the cords that hook up the video games and dvd players. Take the cords that hook up the computers. Take it all to work in your car.

Do any have cell phones? Take them. Gameboys? GONE

This isn't the healthiest and many kids do like these things but after about 3 days.......they want something else and 3-4 day is NOT going to kill them or you. Suck it up and stick with it cause you will get tired of it too.

Won't clean up after themselves in the kitchen???? or help you at all in the kitchen after mealtimes......We had hot dogs and bologna 3 meals a day for 4 straight days. Not much clean up with those 2. I made sure there were no snacks and nothing they could cook or wanted to cook in this house. I even ran out of mayo and refused to buy it. I have no dishwasher and ended up with them and their friends destroying my house and kitchen daily.

Sound like I was being a crappy parent?????? NOPE I got really tired of coming home and doing nothing but clean up after them until I fell into bed at night and spending all my weekends at home undoing the damage they did while they ran around town from here to there doing what they wanted. No time to spend with them, no time to have a personal life of my own. I wasn't being a crappy parent....they were being crappy kids with no respect. All this they do to you boils down to they don't respect you anymore then they respect a piece of gravel on the side of the road. About time they learn don't you think? As a single parent, I don't mind doing what it takes to raise them and give them what they need. I don't get a dime child support and very seldom complain about it. You can't collect support from someone they can't find. I don't care if I had to work 3 jobs night and day to raise them. I do however mind them not respecting me. I'm all they have and it took them a little while to understand it and have enough respect to not destroy my house.

Answer 5

Oh yeah, rules must be written and strictly enforced!!!! If they disrespect the home, then it will morph into a bare, barren Army barracks right before their eyes.

If the kitchens a mess, then the cupboards will be bare. They will be given 3 nutritious meals a day. Water, plain crackers and carrots only for snacks.

If their stuff is lying around, then I take it away for 2 days. If the same stuff still ends up lying around, it goes away for a month...the last straw is that it gets donated to charity or thrown away. You have to do that last one at least once and then they know you mean business.

Answer 6

I don't have any kids, but I get my brothers and sisters to clean up by offering them candy. If that doesn't work I'll tell them that after they get through cleaning up we'll watch a movie. That gets them each and everytime. No matter what you do remember to always keep your cool and be patient with them. Sometimes I feel like hollering, but hollering doesn't solve the problem. Another thing, pray for your children. God has been my biggest help and I know that he'll help you like he has helped me.

Answer 7

How about getting a maid and paying for it from their allowance. If they keep the house clean, the maid goes away and they get their allowance back. Yelling isn't the way to go, as they'll just start ignoring you all the time, even when you aren't mad and yelling.

Answer 8

I have three kids who were on the same road. My kids are very fortunate. They have always had things like TVs,DVD players and stereos in their rooms. I started to look at it in a different way. Those things are privileges, not necessities, so as they kept leaving messes for me, I started pulling the things that were most important to them. The key is following thru! As soon as they see you are serious, they will take their chores more seriously! Try it , you'll see!

Answer 9

I would put certain rooms off limits during the day until you get home at night. The living room where your best furniture and expensive items are located should be off limits round the clock unless your children are specifically allowed to be in there on certain occasions. A business den should be off limits as well.

Answer 10

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