Worth staying together after wife cheated when a child is involved? This is the second time.?

Question

My wife and I have been together since she was 16 and I was 17. We have been together for 6 years now and married since Nov 2004. We have a little girl that is 2 now.

I have never cheated once. I love my wife and child and I do everything I can to make them happy and have all the things they want. My wife on the other time has cheated twice that I know of. I had to find out each time.

First time was about three years ago before we were married. She lied and said it happen once and she cried the whole time and after the guy was done he ask what was wrong and she told him all she could think about was me. I later found out she did him 3 times but still claims she cried first and last time ect. This all came out the latest time of her cheating. She cheated about 3 months ago with a guy that claimed to be 18 but turned out to be 15! She blamed it on we was always fighting and she didn't feel loved but I know its bull. She said he was around and made her feel wanted.

This one she did twice in my own house and two times somewhere else and hung out with him ect for about 15 days before she found out his age and broke off all contact. I love her so much and don’t want to lose her. I told her I want to try and make it work. I am trying to regain trust and so far in the three months she hasn’t lied. I got some measures in the house and the car to insure she is telling me the truth now. I will be able to trust her but she still can not tell me why she went to another man. I NEED to know this. I believe she needs to know why she cheated so it doesn’t happen again. She claims she knows what she did is wrong and would never do it again because it only made her feel worse and crushed me.

What do we need to do to get her to under stand why she cheated so she will be able to stop herself? Me I can’t even picture how someone goes from talking to doing it like that but I guess I just don’t think that way.

I don’t want my child to grow up without a steady dad ect. I want this to work no matter how hard it is BUT if it does happen again I am out and nothing will stop me. What do you guy think? Will she cheat again? Is it worth trying?

rachel m: She is the one that broke it off both times and it seems like it makes her closer to me. I was told this time by one of the guys friends that she did him and stoppped soon as she found out the guys real age. I asked her this time and she told me the truth (well some of it.) and then found out the real truth. She claimed it was once again ect and found out why talking to the guy it was 4 times and then once I told her she said it was true. So she tells me some of the truth but not all of it. She explained what all went on after that and told me about everything from the past one and said she will never do it again after the pain it caused ect. So I am not sure what to do or believe now.

Answer 1

Well,

I also see that there are some weaker aspects with you as well. She cheats and now you sounds as weak. In heart you still wants her or loves her but you are literally very angry to her, very annoyed with her attitude. And more you have a baby, you feel a responsibility and you are on the other hand also feel tensed and overtook by impulses. I also see that you have expectations with your wife, which lets you fight with her - where she made the excuse that the other guy make her feel wanted.

Now coming to the point:-

I think yours wife is pretty amateur, unclear of her goals and she is not mentally balanced - because she has no concern for what she does, what she needs & later what she regrets or cries for.

She doesn't need blames, or fights from you at this time, not even divorce. Believe me, if you want to work upon this relationship - be sympathetic to her. See her that she has a pain and she is herself not in control of things (Else why should she be?) - It's better that for the time being you focus on curing her attitude rather expecting something from her. I understand its much difficult for you (But if you want to make your relationship, its still in hands right now)

Divroce, Indeed - this choice will stay with you. but first you have to heal her and this is only possible when you will take a professional help (Psychotherapist) - There are reasons for hers behaviour, which may be connected to even before your marriage & unless a more mature person (who knows his job and self) will try to work, see & explore the different threads of your relationships and her behaviour - you can't make her the way you want her to be.

I also will say, Divorce will give you pain & yours daugher will also acknowledge this later on that healthy relationship (between parents is not usual for hers family). When you want to leave your wife, leave her without doubt but strongly & respecting her personal life. If you divorce her this time, it won't be healthy for you and your family (It may be painful).

See, I don't know much about yours wife behaviour & relative details but as a therapy student - I guide you that first you need to be out of your impules. I totally agree that she may not be allright but in yours question I also acknowledge yours pain and yours confusion too.

First be healthy in yours mind, take rest and relax. & don't impose fights in family, let her be - give her space. take a little more time & must must take a professional help. May be a new dawn is merging ahead for your relationship.

wish you all the best.
with regards

Answer 2

OK, I know a guy with a similar situation. He was with his wife 9 years, married 6, and she cheated on him numerous times. She never stopped cheating on him, and even though there are children involved, the best thing to do is get a divorce. He was absolutely miserable with her - of course he loved her, she is his children's mom. But the best thing to do is get a divorce because she will keep cheating and lying about it and you will get even more miserable over time to where you have no self-esteem left. Get out now.

Answer 3

She is a cheater and a cheater she shall be. I couldnt stay with a cheater ....She has not taken her vows seriously or her life with you and the child you too have. YOU have to decide if you can stay with her and forgive her. Keep in mind, you can be a great dad from another location if need be. Do NOT stay with her for the sake of your child..it will NOT work. I can only suggest counseling...but I still think she is just a cheater using excuses, lies and bullsh*t to get in and out of trouble once busted.

Answer 4

You lost her the first time she slept with someone else. Dont let your daughter grow up thinking its ok to treat anyone like that. Especially someone you claim to "love". You can still be a great dad. Without all the added tension that has to some into the equasion.

Answer 5

Jerry Springer

Answer 6

She sounds like a real nutbag. Leave her, she's a dirty tramp. She cheated with a 15 year old? Nasty. She may have cried, but it's just because she got caught. Divorce her, she's no good. She has probably cheated more than twice, that's just all you have found out about.

Answer 7

How many times do you have to be humiliated by your wife before you get it through your head that once a cheater always a cheater. Your wife has traded the privilege of being married to you for promiscuity. It's time to get rid of her and move on.

Answer 8

You sound confused man. Let me tell you. Maybe you ought to do some recreatinal sex. Swinging is an option. If you read about it, the info will be quite appealing. Most couples that swing never cheat and have fruitful love lives. I think its fun. Look into it. I know it's not an answer, but think about it.

Answer 9

you are so stupid... why should she quit cheating, you let it go on, and you believe BS.
As for the child, a child would rather be in a broken home, than a hurtful home.
Oyea, she is going to continue to cheat, and since you let it happen, why ask us.
PS I cant help but to ask, sense you are sharing your wife. can I have some too?

Answer 10

She's got a lot of growing up to do.

It's possible she could change. It's also possible she may not. Her excuses and justifications are frankly lame. She's insulting your intelligence and revealing her own ignorance.

How long you stay and deal with it with it is up to you.

I do admire your dedication to your child. But if it continues, what kind of environment is that for your kid?

Good luck.