Care for the kids and the house. Too much to ask for?

Question

My wife is a stay at home mom caring for two girls (one is 2 years 8 mo. and the other is 1 year 3 mo.) she is a bit overwhelmed with the girls. With that said, I also want her to take care of keeping the house in order, things like a clean or semi-clean kitchen, and general organization in the house so it does not feel like we are always in the middle of a tornado.

So getting to my question:

Is it fair to ask my wife to keep up the house and care for the kids; while my responsibilities fall outside of the home, like working two jobs, household shopping, maintain the bills, trash, and maintaining the exterior of the house?

Answer 1

Your first paragraph had me thinking, 'oh here we go, another chauvanist who likes to keep a woman in her place' but I see I had you wrong by the 3rd paragraph. You clearly do your share and work very hard. I think your expectations of your wife are fair. However, you both have busy roles and I don't believe it is right for a man to switch off the minute he returns home thinking its all the wife's role 24/7. A guy can make a light effort with putting kids down or at least have some involvement with the children - share that extra evening work so you can devote some time to each other - the crux/dynamo of the family , if you guys dont' work together well then the whole family suffers.

Answer 2

I believe thats a fair deal and your wife isnt putting her part in!!Its the least she can do have a clean house for you to come home too and have supper ready,since she isnt working and she has all day to get that done it shouldnt be a problem!!But for some reason it is and she uses the kids for a excuse to be lazy!!Maybe while your at work she stays on the internet all day and she gets nothing done cause something is keeping her from doing those things and it isnt kids!!I had 3 and i kept the house spot less had a 10 course meal fixed for my husband everynight when he got home clothes were always washed folded and put up i was fixed up kids were always clean i took care of the kids while my husband was home still gave baths at night dressed them for bed we both would tuck them in and i done this every day for 10 years and i would give my husband sex everynight sometimes 3 times a night if he wanted,and i get up the next morning and do it all over again!Way i see it if he is good enough to work and pay all the bills so we can have a nice house new cars nice clothes and pretty much what we need or want when he could afford it i saw nothing wrong at least keeping the house cleaned and taking care of him he was me and the kids .All i had to do for him was have him a supper and keep the house cleaned all the other stuff he didnt care about i just done it to show i thanked him for all he had done.So your wife best get off her lazy butt a apreciate a man like you cause men like you are hard to find and maybe thats something you should tell her too!!Your just going to have to put your foot down and tell her how you feel and if she dont like it then tell her to get a job and work then maybe she could see how hard it is in the real world and what you go thru everyday then maybe she could respect you more!!Good luck!

Answer 3

It is very hard for a stay at home mom to care for kids and clean the house. I have three children 8, 5, 1 1/2, I am constantly running around the house with the kids making sure they don't get into things. But on the other hand What your asking your wife is fair and if she still feels overwhelmed then you need to sit her down and ask her how you can help with the kids and vice versa.

Answer 4

after reading your question I can tell my opinion is that you and your wife may have communication problems..which alot of married cpls do. And its seems that there is a big possiblity that she is stressed or depressed that she never sees you..you said you work 2 jobs..do you get to do thinks together? Do you have someone that can watch the kids and take her out on the town occasionally? I think that its worth a try , women crave attention from their men..and when they don't get it they get down..and maybe thats why she isn't doing the housework so well..on top of the kids, which can be a handful , kids that age are a 24/7 job..that require alot of attention and if she's a good mom..work on pointing out her good points to her if you decide to talk to her about it..let her know you appreciate what she does do..and ask her what could you do to help her get the house more organized so that she will have an easier time keeping up the day to day chores..the most important question is do you love her? If so don't come on to aggressively and make her fell bad..that won't make her want to clean the house at all,lol..talk it out , ask her if anything is wrong.because she could have some problems going on that she doesn't want to take to you since you are working so hard and she might feel like she would be stressing you out..she might be taking on more than you know (emotionally) so don't jump to conclusions..and just assume she is lazy....and be a could partner in marriage work together to resolve..I hope this helps and wish you the very best, life is short , cherish those we love..and remember whats really important. You sound like a great husband who works hard to support those he loves..be a great emotional supportor as well if your not already..Best wishes! God Bless

Answer 5

Yes, it's fair... However, if she just can't keep up with the house, consider trading some of the responsibilities with her (i.e., you take care of the house, and she does the shopping, bills, and trash.) Some people are better at some things and not at others. Perhaps it's a temporary thing, and as kids grow older she will get a better grip on things. Hiring a maid to come in once a month and do "deep cleaning" could make things easier for her meanwhile.

Answer 6

Hi Everyone I'm the wife he is talking about:
Now my side of the story. I bust my *** in this house. It is a 4 bedroom 2/1/2 bth 2 story home. First of all, lets start where I moved away from the CITY and moved to the country. o.k. someone shoot me. Its been 4 long long years living in the middle of nowhere. (he argues this, but it is my wholehearted opinion) Now, I left my family, friends, work, and lifestyle to live in farm areas. I absolutely hate it. I on the other hand love my husband, my kids, and my house. To answer some people's questions, yes I am somewhat depressed. But, I am not overweight. I am actually tall and thin. My thinnest actually since highschool. Gee, Perhaps its the fact that I put my kids first and am too tired to feed myself after doing everything else. I bath them first. I feed them first. I do everything for them. I normally have pajamas till the end of the day. That's until I am blessed by my husband to look after the girls when he gets home so that I can take a bath. Its so nice of him to do so. I cook everyday and not Easy meals. Hearty meals because thats what I know to cook. Cuban style cooking requires your butt cut up onions, garlic and peppers everyday to cook whatever the hell you are cooking. I do laundry everyday and put back the clothes everyday. My husbands clothes is **** and span everyday for work. I also clean the house. Except when I clean the floors my 2 and 1 year old throw plates across the kitchen floor and they end up dirty again. Our living room is their playroom and they have tons of toys. It sucks yes becuase we originally wanted to have the unfinished basement as their space. That has not happened due to other projects that came ahead of it. So, you see I'm not the pig my husband is explaining above. We also just got back from a 7 day cruise. There is crap everywhere. I havne't put the stuff back from our suitcase. His expectations are like Monks. You know the guy that has that compulsive disorder. My husband is the type that makes our bed before we get in it and I can't even stretch my legs becuase he tucks the sheets in so tightly. So, please hear both sides of the story. Oh, did I mention that my 1 year old screams all day. Yes, that is when makes me super happy and lets me work all the extra things in. NOT!!!. Her screaming gets in the most inner part of my ears. I never in my life have heard such a screach. Ask my husband how it was when my 2 year old was alone. Things were much different. I had things much under control. I would not recommend 2 under 2 for anybody. I feel for any twin parents. Its difficult. Just for the record. If you show up at my house now, it is not a tornado how my husband describes it. We feel more like its a tornado more than it looks like a tornado. Oh and another thing. I also work on top of working with the kids. I have done day-trading. I manage an artist, and have sold numerous things on ebay. I also have a masters degree and LOVE working. I love having a career and would go work anyday. That's what I did before my husband so called rescued me from work like some of you may think. Let me tell you that it might be a fantasy for some of you to stay at home because you think it is easier well. Ha! After teaching several years many packed classrooms NOTHING has prepared me for toddlers. It is much easier to teach a classroom full of teenagers then to do this. I just think everybody has a calling. And for me small children is difficult. I can easily discipline a classroom of middle school and teenager where some of you would say oh no that's hard. So, you be the judge. Thank you very much for listening to my side.

Answer 7

What's fair to you might not be what's fair to her. Why don't you ask her, what she can do right now? Taking care of kids is a 24/7 job and as you've said she is overwhelmed. Maybe if you ease some taking care of kids time an hour or two off her hands and interact with the kids once a week, she can clean the kitchen. But it takes two to tango, so talk to her.

Answer 8

I am a stay home Mother of two...and I take care of all the house work, laundry too. I take out the trash every week,I do all the shopping, pay all the bills, and I cook everyday! I feel very lucky to be able to stay home while my husband is out working to pay for our living....so therefor its my job to keep up the house and kids.....I will say though if I ever fall short he never opens his mouth, and he helps me alot too. Hes a wonderful man!

Answer 9

well I guess it may be a bit over whelming for her but if this is so then she should have thought before she took the responsibility but on with my answer I am a mother of 8 oldest being 15 youngest being 2 and I take care of the inside and out side care of the house along with shopping and home work so if she isn't a lazy lady it should be easy for her to do what you are asking and NO you are not asking too much.

Answer 10

She should be able to handle that without a problem.
Try talking to her, maybe being the stay at home mom is not for her. She may want to get out alone with you, (no kids) more often too. She may just feel lonely...

Make sure you try helping with the kids when you get home. Just to take that part of her job away for a little while. Figure she was with them all day --- you don't bring your boss home and continue working do you?

Hope that helps....