My husband and I have been married 4 2yrs.We both were married before & both have children from R previous marriage.My ex-husband is tolerable, his ex-wife is nuts!!!She calls daily, up to 8 times a day & e-mails constantly.We finally had to ask her not to call R house & only call the kids on their cell phones.She is constantly screaming about everything, tries to schedule things 4 the kids on R time, tries to tell us what we can & can't buy 4 them, wants us to pay 4 things & say they're from her, picks the kids up on OUR time when they're spending time with my husband's mother without asking, etc. She's mentally unstable, really, she's seen a therapist atleast 1 X per week 4 the last 10yrs & takes a lot of pills to keep her 1/2 sane.The 13yr old boy wants nothing to do with her,10yr old girl still holding on.They hate spending time with her & her b/f b/c he's so racist they can't sit near anyone of another color!We R going 4 full custody Any sug. 4 ammo against her & sanity til then?
2006-08-25 08:20:15 · 16 answers · asked by henryswrecker_fr 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She sounds pathetic. Whatever her reasons are may stay unknown but she is acting like a child throwing a temper tantrum. Treat her as such. When she wants something just tell her no. When she wants the kids and it's your time just don't let her have her way. Never under any circumstance buy her anything or tell the kids that what you bought them is from her. Act aloof around her and minimize the time you have to see her. Block her phone # from calling yours. Don't answer her emails. Her tactics will get worse before they get better so don't allow her to draw you into an argument. Be prepaired with a small tape recorder if you're able to get her to become verbally offensive. At all times stay cool and collected. Completely ignore her when it's possible. Your husbands should be this way to her as well. That's about it for the sanity side of things. For the ammo it depends on the distance. I like 12 guage for close quarters, .45 caliber is the best for short distances on people on drugs and longer distances I prefer 30-06. Just teasing. Seriously, courts look for financial stability before emotional stability. If she is unemployed, bankrupt, etc is probably your best bet. Does she have a history of child abuse? The drug issue is a two edge sword. If you bring it up and can't prove it you will probably be doing the urinalises test with her because she will accuse you of it at the same time. If you can prove racist remarks by witnesses you might do some good. The 13 year old is getting close to the age when he can request the judge to place him where he wants to be if he can provide a good reason to be placed there. You could ask for a mental stability assessment but remember she can ask for you to have one as well. I would stick to the money thing if possible but that's just me. Good luck.
2006-08-25 08:42:34 · answer #1 · answered by amercomp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it must be very difficult to go through. My advise would be to try and keep it together and ignore her the best you can. If the kids say they dont want to go see her, don't make them. Although she has rights, her children have rights too. Also, as far as ammo against her is, you should try and keep a journal and write down whats going on as it happens, try and keep track of the dates and such, especially anything that could be seen as neglect or abuse towards the children. Keep in mind that although you are going for full custody, she will still be a part of their life, with visitations and all, all it means is that she has less say in whats going on. Until then have you thought about family mediation? It worked great between my ex and myself when deciding custody and living arrangements for our daughter. It could be good to try until you can get this sorted out in court. Best of luck to you.
2006-08-25 10:38:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow!
If you ever have to speak with her... always say a word of prayer that God will guide your tongue in what to say/or not say....
Your and your husband need to seriously and literally develop a standard on how to handle her... from soup to nuts (no pun intended). Be uniforn in how you go about responding. The less words said to her the better. Keep a monotone voice when speaking to her. Don't allow her to know that she's gotten to you emotionally. Don't raise your voice and as much as possible.. be silent when shes in ranting mode. Make sure you and your husband agree on what you both will consistently say when it comes down to the children. You both need to come up with catch phrases that you repeat over and over and over again to her when she acting funky. Also, develop uniformed techniques in dealing with her and the children. You've already started out with a good idea when it comes down to the cell phone, so... Have a few more in place regarding: visits, purchases, conversation, finance, etc. There is strength in unity, so don't let her divide you and your husband or your home life.
You'll be fine... TRUST!
2006-08-25 09:24:02 · answer #3 · answered by 247 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just have to set your limits. Your husband should set limits...that was a good start that you told her not to call the house. Next as she have e-mail, give her your calendar schedule, i know it could be tedious and u feel like u have to let her know your life but this will avoid her scheduling things that will be in conflict with things u already had planned. You can try for full custody but it will hurt the younger one. inasmuch as that mother is nuts...she's still her mother...u know what i mean?
2006-08-25 08:31:54 · answer #4 · answered by ♦cat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really the best ammo you have is how the kids feel about her. If she is that crazy, get some character witnesses to sign statements to the effect, aka.. what they have seen her do or say that was a little crazy. Talk to a lawyer!!
2006-08-25 08:24:23 · answer #5 · answered by Becky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that your husband really need to get a good lawyer and take her to court. Keep a note book of all the things she does write it down date and times. Check the divorce papers and see just what she is violating. Good luck
2006-08-25 09:12:51 · answer #6 · answered by Right Wing Extremist 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds likes she is bothered either by the fact that she lost the man or that she's losing her kids. I would try to be as nice to her as possible. (even though it is probably hard). If she is not already with someone else, she will probably settle down a little if she finds someone that she is in a stable relationship with. Try to picture yourself in the same situation if you were her. In the mean time, good luck.
2006-08-25 08:26:56 · answer #7 · answered by Amanda B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Step away from the computer, call your lawyer and therapist!!!!! These are kids lives you know!! You need to approach the situation with care and correctness. Divorce is tough on children anyway you look at it. Yahoo answers CANNOT solve this problem!!
2006-08-25 08:29:35 · answer #8 · answered by Echo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have plenty of ammo. Until then, only allow her to do what she has been given authority to do in regards to visitation. When she calls, hang up on her if it's not a relevant child related issue. Block her email address.
2006-08-25 08:26:17 · answer #9 · answered by jax0817 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get one of those portable telephone recorders and tape all of her calls ,save the emails she sends to computer disk files, keep records of everything ,so that u can prove she is UN stable in court and most importantly be careful if she that UN -stable be very careful UN-predictability can cause alot of heart ache and things much worse. do whatever u can and be safe
2006-08-25 08:34:45 · answer #10 · answered by rachel m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋