my husband told my good friend he wants to have sex with her?

Question

My husband of 2 years (together 6) has told me good friend of 20 years (and next door neighbor) that he wants to have sex with her. We party every weekend at her house. I guess he has done this a few times in the past month. She finally told me and he admitted it. He said it's the drinking that made him say that. Do you believe drinking would cause that? I have a hard time believing that excuse. She said he has never touched her or said anything sober. She is also a big flirt (but I am not blaming her). After I confronted him he admitted everything and told me what he said to her (she wouldn't tell me what he said).

Answer 1

Drinking does make you say things that you normally would not. BUT drinking also makes you DO things that you normally would not either.
My suggestion to you would be to either stop all the drinking, or stop letting your husband get drunk around other women.
What he says to your friend, he will also say to others when drinking.

I could never understand the point in getting so drunk that you do not know what your doing. It gets people into a lot of trouble. Why can't yall find other things to do besides get drunk? Instead of partying so hard why not just go to a nice dinner and movies? Spend your weekends alone with your husband doing things together instead of with everyone else, or invite the neighbors to dinner and the movie with you.

Answer 2

Alcohol lowers inhibitions which are those thingys that keep us from saying or doing those things that 'normally' we know better about.

A smile can be flirting if the attention is desired.

While we love good neighbors the closeness mixed with flirting add alcohol and here you are...

I am amazed at his openly acknowledging the conversation. Which tells me he wasn't 'blacking out' AND that you two MUST have an incredibly strong relationship.

Men have differing sexual drives and it's been argued that the desire to 'spread' their seed is 'built-in' and is only curtailed by religion or societal mores.

Sounds like you have a REALLY good friend next door as well.

So if the desire for multiple partners is NOT there when ALL are sober...

Would suggest that you all have had a real growth experience.

WOULD REALLY suggest mostest that in the future next door affairs be limited to his not drinking!!!

The 'seven' year itch was named that for a reason... it is a time when guys wonder whether anything new or different will ever come(oh the pun) their way again. Same job, same relationship, same activities...

When scratched in the worse way we have broken marriages...

As it sounds like the initial phases YOU have choices...

Keeping the friend of twenty years and the spouse of six(married 2)... I am thinking unless you are looking for way out...

Then I have a simple solution. BECOME the 'other' woman.
Dye your hair? Dress up? Move your relations to a 'new' spot'.
Not only with you be scratching him BUT you may find yourself
feeling scratched!

Hope this helps... let me know I do care(no not that way!)

Answer 3

Drinking will not make you say anything. it just allows your mouth to speak before you engage your brain . you have known your husband 6 years and have been married to him only 2 out of the 6 that is just a short time. You have known your friend for 20 years, and she lives next door , so she is a flirt. your husband is married he should know better! . Here is what to do. Before the next party set down and explain to your husband that if he asks your friend to have sex again weather-he has been drinking or not, that you will file for a legal separation, and a possible divorce,

Answer 4

Flashing red lights should be going through your head right now. He admitted it. He is using alcohol as a means to excuse his behavior. It is no excuse. Get counseling for both of you right now, or be prepared to be hurt or divorced. Also, maybe you should tell your friend that, at least for awhile, you and your husband will not be attending her parties. Tell her you appreciate her letting you know what your husband said to her and that you want to keep being her friend, just no parties until you and your husband can work things out one way or another. If he won't get counseling, you may want to talk to a lawyer about possible divorce. This is no small thing that he has done....Don't dismiss it or hope it will go away by itself. Good luck.

Answer 5

She didn't tell you what he said because she was trying to be nice, but did want to inform you. He can't using drinking as an excuse. He asked her. In either case, he is looking. Next time the woman may take him up on the offer.

I would sit down with him and find out what his issues are. So they can be corrected or he can leave. You should never have to worry about your husband "asking people for sex". That is just wrong!! He must not be happy - but he should have the balls to tell you first!

Answer 6

Firsty, alcohol changes personalities, there is no doubt about that. I think the problem you have is trusting your freind. If I were you, I would give her the big flick...You say you know shes a flirt....Why is she a flirt? Is she so insecure that she has to flirt with her friends husband......Nope, it makes no sense at all.. If she is your friend, then I am Hitler. You should be blaming her, it is about choice, and while I say yes, alcohol does change your personality most people know that, but choose to drink anyhow...They know it makes them lose their inhibiitions, and is a good excuse for them to do the "wrong" thing.

Have a bit of faith in yourself...this woman is definitely not a friend of either of you....she just wants what she wants...she doesnt care about much else.

Its time to concentrate on you and what you are prepared to accept. You should have equal rights..it shouldnt be all one way, so it is up to you to exert your personal power, if not for the mariage, just for you. Stand up to this bullshit, if it is only to get your self confidence back..

Answer 7

I would limit their association together. And never let them be alone together if you can help that. That may mean that only you go hang out at her house but not bring him if you still want to continue the relationship with her. A seed has been planted and once that starts to grow, words can for sure turn into actions and you don't know if he's 'wearing' her down little by little. Next thing you know is 'it just happened'. Nip it in the bud now by putting your foot down and let him know that it was very inappropriate for him to say that and hurtful to you as his wife. You may need to follow this up with couples counseling. Do you part and that would minimize guilt on your end since you did try to help him not mess up and could save your marriage some heart ache later on.

Answer 8

liquid courage does do crazy thing BUT its usually something u think about when ur sober it just comes out hello LIQUID COURAGE. Sometimes girls want the attention but maybe she felt guilty to thats why she told you or maybe she was a good enough friend that she told you but if this has been going on for a month why are you only finding out about it now. sounds funny on both ends. ur stuck between a rock and a hard place. Maybe u guys need to stop hanging out together as a group do it individually . Try picking up on one of his good friends bet stuff will hit that fan. good luck. be strong

Answer 9

1. He's made his blatant move, hiding his motives behind alcohol. He wants out of the marriage. He's obviously been thinking about this for a long time, and you really have no proof if either one of them is telling the truth.

2. This won't get better. Cut your losses now, before it's too late to find a good, faithful and loving life partner.

3. He's playing around with your life, trust, happiness, emotions and well-being. This is not love.

4. Talk to friends, family you can trust about this. I know they will support you through this. Get as far away from these two as you can — adults are responsible for their own actions.

5. Don't tell him about any plans to leave — he'll wipe you out financially. Keep this to yourself and get things in order with a lawyer before you serve him with the papers. Protect yourself. He's untrustworthy.

Good luck and warm regards.

Answer 10

Why are you partying every weekend.....Don't blame the girlfriend that flirts with your husband, after all you have been friends with her a lot longer.......(I'm being facetious here) .but she wouldn't tell you what all he said?
At least your hubby admitted to being weak while under the influence of alcohol, and then told you the truth.

You guys, take a few weekends off, and go do something with each other....(You and your husband), I felt a need to clarify that.

I know a great Realtor....