What do you do when you feel you have hit rock bottom?

Question

How do you lift yourself up again? In my case, my boyfriend of 3 years rejected me again and again for 7 months until I moved out and he admitted he felt 'too young' for a relationship (he is middle aged). He simply wanted a 'trial' to see if he was ready to settle down but discovered he wasn't. I gave everything up to be with him and now have nothing. We spent a lot of time renovating his house together but now I live in a tiny rented flat which doesn't feel like home. I have work problems and face losing my job soon. Our mutual friends have chosen to keep in contact with him, not me. I find I wish to do nothing but stay in bed, I have fallen way behind with my work, I cannot concentrate and I cannot stop crying. I have no confidence left and I feel worthless. How can I go on like this? I need help.

Answer 1

WHAAA !!! WHAAAA !!!!

Answer 2

How can you go on like this? Honey, you can't go on like this. If you do, you stay at rock bottom and it just becomes your way of life. Don't do that to yourself. You were fine before this man ever came into your life, and you are going to be fine now that he's gone. Get up, take a shower, clean up the mess around you, and get outside. Fresh air will help you think a little better. And while you are thinking, tell yourself that things could always be worse. Then go back to basics. One thing at a time, start doing what you were doing before this man came into your life. If you want to climb out of the hole you are in, you won't move an inch until you start taking some steps. I know it's going to be hard, and there are going to be days when staying in your nice safe bed seems so much more appealing, but don't fall into that temptation. You aren't a pity case. You are a women who has loved and lost and is going to learn from it, become stronger and wiser and move on to better and more deserving. Believe it because you will.

Answer 3

You haven't hit rock bottom. You can choose now to sink even further down or attempt to lift yourself out.

Your boyfriend has released you from the on-going toture of continual rejection.

The best way to think about this is, ask yourself which men have loved you, who you did not love in return. Then ask yourself what any of them could have done, which would have made you feel they were the love of your life.

The answer will be nothing. We choose who we love and your ex probably hankers for someone he perceives as more of a challenge than you.

There is a slim possibility that if you move on and get active in life that he'll want you back. But he'll never truly want you if you wallow in depression. (Although the weak ones will drift in and out whenever they need a crutch / crotch ;-))

Don't go to the doctors, start drinking, sleeping around or indulge in an other temporary fix / diversions to get you through.

Throw your new found spare time into getting back on track workwise.
Write a list of things you enjoy doing and make a concious effort to do at least one every week.
Recognise that the things you resent most (such as his coming out of the relationship with a wonderful house), are clues to what you want for yourself. If you lived with him and can prove that you contributed to the renovation, you may be able to make a legal claim for a portion of the increased value resultng from your hard work financial input

However truly the best tack is to walk away head high. Imagine the most confident / successful / charismatic and admirable woman you posibly can. Ask yourself what she would do, then do that.

Right now whilst you're in too much pain for the high head stuff, give yourself a break. If you can afford it book yourself on a multi-activity weekend, if not, rent a pile of DVDs and laze around watching them. Make sure one of them is Bitter Moon with Hugh Grant, as this will really help.

Answer 4

I am sure somebody else will tell you the same things as I am but here it is. You are probably really depressed right now and that is okay. You have dedicated time to a relationship and you were treated badly. Take some time to grieve the relationship before you seek a new one, that way you might learn what you really need in a guy before you find another one.

When really depressed that only thing that gets me through minute to minutes, hour to hour sometimes is to cry out to God. Tell him how much you hurt, what you long for, and how sad and frustrated you are. Tell him that you are going to do your best to trust that this is all in His plan. Ask Him to send the Holy Spirit to you to fill you and make you feel that love and worth we all need so badly. Then just try to pick yourself up and do what needs to be done. Bathe, feed youself, and read a little Bible to strengthen your knowledge of him. Go to work and do your best there. Pray a lot every day and whenever you need that extra boost. It won't always make you feel better immediately but it will help Him help you if you are specific about your needs and desires. Try to follow His will.

Good Luck! God Bless!

Answer 5

What your feeling is very real and ignore the morons who give you a snappy response to your question. You have all the symptoms of a major depression - I have been there and am struggling with some things even still. I can assure you that you don't have to go through this alone. I suggest you see your doctor ASAP and describe your symptoms - you may need some medication to help you out of your depression before you sink even further. That's for your doctor to determine. I don't know what part of the world you live in but there are support groups and crisis lines everywhere. I know it does'nt feel like it right now - but you will get through this. Just keep breathing in and out, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and eventually these dark clouds over you will clear. It's when you're hardest hit that you must not give up -there is a better day coming for you, I promise.

Answer 6

First, relax and realize that you can and will get your life together again. And will probably find someone better for you anyway. A better match. Then maybe get a good meal or groceries you like. Then just give in to the crying and stay in bad for a day or two. Maybe watch movies or listen to music. Then later, maybe get a good therapist, do your work or find something else instead, make friends at some point later. Just try to write things down and identify which thing is most important first and do that. Good luck. Most people go through something like that in life. You'll be stronger because of it.

Answer 7

Call mom. Or callYOUR friends, not your mutual friends. Cry it out, it will hurt and it will hurt for a long time. I'm sorry to hear that this has happened to you. It will take time to heal and to let go of the idea of him and you together.

You have to come to terms to reality and accept the fact that he doesn't a relationship with you anymore. The more you hold on. the longer it will hurt.

It's hard to start over but you have to. Avoid places and friends that you used to frequent together and go somewhere else. Talk to people that you haven't seen in a while, get out, excerise, go on a mini-vacation.

For now, concentrate in your job and catch up, this will keep you busy and occupied.

If you can afford it, seek a therapist to help you thu this. You sound depresssed, specially since you are saying that you don;t want to get out of bed,

Yourflat doesn;t feel like home? Get a pet and a plant to make your space more homey.

Good luck, be strong.

Answer 8

Congratulations. You have hit the bottom. Wonderful. Now, there is nowhere to go but up. What do you do? Easy. You KEEP going. Even though you can't, you do anyway. When my marriage was dying, I got so down that I actually lost my favorite gun. I'd chained weights to myself, and was paddling out into a mile wide river on a truck inner tube. The plan was to get into deep water, then kill myself, letting my body sink, never to be found. I'd only gotten a couple hundred yards out, when I dropped my gun. It seemed so stupid that I couldn't even manage suicide well that I got angry. My anger is what got me through. Your boyfriend was a creep. Sooo, are you going to let that creep destroy you? Live, for revenge. Get up, get going, and build yourself a new life- without the creep. Fight until you've managed to build yourself into a person he'd give his right arm to have. By that time, you will no longer find him worth bothering with. And THAT is revenge.

Answer 9

Well honey you chose to leave and you allowed him to stay in a relationship for three years that you obviously knew wasn't going to result in marriage if he didn't propose before you said something. Also, the truth is when life gives you lemons you make lemonade. I personally feel like at your age you should know that an ended relationship doesn't mean the end of the world, hell your single now and you can go to more social events and mingle and develop new friends. Don't trip off of your flat! Some people don't even have that at least it's yours personalize it! Honey you are entitle to be hurt but not to self destruct! Right now he is going on with his life and as hard as it seems so must you!

Answer 10

You need to realize that you made a mistake, we all do, from time to time. Pick yourself up and the most important thing right now seems to be getting back on track at work. So put in some extra hours- it will take your mind somewhat off the deadbeat and get ur work up to date while showing your emplyer renewed interest and add value to you as an employee.

Following this you need to get out, find new friends, meet new ppl, find those you may have lost contact with, etc and start going out again.

Once you are settled back fully into your job, you can then explore new living accomodations.

At middle age, if he is not ready to settle now, he may never truely be. Age does not necessarily mean maturity!!!

Answer 11

I am sorry you are feeling so down although it is understandable, you are going through quite a lot.

Men can be such b's at times and we will never quite understand them. First you need to remember that you are worth more than what you are giving yourself. Second you must look around you and tell your tiny flat that you and it have to work together because nobody else seems to care. Then you need to accept your situation and move on. You HAVE TO concentrate on your job otherwise you will be in dia straits and just cause yourself more grief. Tell yourself that it was a bloody awful experience that hurts like mad but sugar dumplins, you aint gonna let it screw your life up. Find new friends, they couldn't have been friends if they've taken sides. They weren't your friends they were his.

Yes your pain is hard, but why let him RUIN your life?? Let your flat be your haven, let it be the place that gives you comfort, make a vow that you have learned a lesson but it is one you will never repeat. Get back into work and concentrate. Enjoy yourself and be happy.