I pretty much know the answer, but I don't want to make that choice?

Question

I am married to a "man" that without getting into to much detail. To give a little story, is very rude, mean, unloving, not a listener, very spitefull, very very insecure. That pretty much sums it up. He owns his own business, does very well under the hood, mechanically, but very unmechanical in the business aspect of how that should run. I guess, what I am asking is that the majority of people always say leave him, which will be the next step. I really hate having to do this all over again at 45. I am still young, attractive, buildt good. I guess I feel he is absorbing the life out of me, kind of like "Cacoon" Can you relate?

Answer 1

Do you actually believe that you deserve to be treated like this???NO ONE does,,,,Life is too short,,Be happy. You deserve someone to treat you like a Queen, especially from you hubby,,if mine treated me like that he'd be out the door, pronto,,,and i'd be moving on, and finding someone who treats me the way i deserve to be treated.. GOOD LUCK, Be well, Healthy and Happy

Answer 2

I can relate to the inertia - because that's what it is. It's scary having to start over and it's amazing what we'll put up with because the "hell" we know is more comfortable then getting out there and doing something different. Here are 3 questions you should ask yourself everyday until the answers force you to make a choice:

* Do I believe that I deserve to be happy?
* Do I believe that I am entitled to have the kind of love I am capable of giving reciprocated?
* At 45, don't I want this half of my life to be relatively easy, happy and fun and shared with someone who can communicate, who is loving, caring, and kind and is capable of meeting the needs I have in a relationship?

If the answer is yes to those 3 questions, then make your choice, work through the fear, emerge from the tunnel to the other side and FIND true love and yourself in the process!

Answer 3

First off I nor can anyone on here tell you what to do you have to do that all on your own. but as for some advice i can tell you what i have been through and you may or may not find your answer. I have been married to a man for 12 years who all he thinks has to do is get up and go to work and come home and do nothing. I have 3 boys and a house also here at home to take care of. I too work and come home and do everything else from laundry dishes to cutting the lawn taking out the garbage.
Well i was tired of it all......I started my children in counseling and I asked him to come (he is sooo against counseling) for the kids sake. He choose to come. As a result in my children we found out that my one son is bipolar. My husband a few months later was listening to my childrens counselor and is now going to one himself. He too may be bipolar we are still on the road to recover with all of us but hopefully soon will be fixed. All i am saying is my husband and my children were mean rude ect but found out had a sickness. Things now are getting much better. I am getting help around the house(hubby actually made lunch the other day)
My advice is to really look at your husband....communicate with him.....Just make sure what you choose is really what you want.

Answer 4

I was in a postion very similair and I got out why the getting was good. He is abusive and it will only get worse and no one needs the B.S. Trust me I know. So if you are in that good of shape and all move on and find someone that will treat you with the respect you need. Dont let him ruin it for you Life has a lot to offer go out and have some fun.

Answer 5

Have you looked at all the answers? Only one answer here has suggested counseling. Perhaps you'd be better of going to a therapist for awhile. My mom did and she was better able to recognize the right decision for her, AND forgive herself for allowing an unhappy situation to continue. Couples counseling could help you communicate everything you've just revealed to countless strangers to your husband and it could help him be responsive to that. Somewhere along the line you thought he was worth it, mayb you can find that again, and if not you'll have someone to talk to and deal with the issues that will crop up.

Answer 6

Yes, I can relate. You'll know when the time is right and nothing or no one will change your mind. I did this in 2000. The years have just flown by since I left. My friends say I'm different now, I'm happier. But it is hard on the kids. But time mends fences too.

Answer 7

i wonder what you saw in him in the first place what ever it was he must not have it anymore if he ever did sounds like hes set in his ways and probably won't change or would even care to feeling your life being absorbed is enough to leave you have to ask yourself what you would hate worse starting over again or living the rest of your life this way.can i relate to this no im a man so i immediately step into my problem solving role sorry its a male trait I cant help myself good luck with you decision

Answer 8

ya, totally, i know what you mean about people always say leave him, i know that i should, but its so hard to let go, its not that you love them, or care for them, maybe you did at some point, but not the person they became, its just your so use to the same thing everyday, and its so hard to make that big of a change, i feel like my husband sucked the life out of me too, it a sad thing to go though,,,try taking a week break from him, see how it goes,

Answer 9

If you don't love him and willing to overlook his faults; then it's time to move on. Get out of that situation before he sapped you off, of your energy. You'll feel much better, more self confident. After all, he's not the only fish in the ocean.

Answer 10

Yep, I know exactly what you are talking about....Once you leave and you start breathing again you will be angry that you did not do it sooner.

GET A GOOD LAWYER BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING. ASK AROUND, THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO AND HAVE THE LAWYER CHARGE HIS FEES TO YOUR HUSBAND.

Good luck honey and enjoy the rest of your life