My boyfriend is deadset on moving back to his homestate and me going with him. I wouldn't mind it, but I'm peeved that he's not even open to discussion. This move will take me away from my job (he's still in school so I'm the only one who has one right now) and even further away from my family, but he doesn't seem to care because he'll be by his and all his high school friends. Is this a sign that my feelings and opinion don't matter to him? Will his desires always come before mine? Am I overreacting and should I just go with him because we know we want to be together?
2006-08-25 06:53:41 · 26 answers · asked by graybear 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If you think he is your soulmate, then go with him. Otherwise, you'll move, break up, and be upset that you wasted your time.
2006-08-25 07:57:34 · answer #1 · answered by blonde_guy67 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have articulated that you do not want to move, or that you are having anxiety about giving up your job, your independence and your friends and family, and he is not respecting your feelings you should take it as a sign that he is insensitive. A good relationship is based on a partnership where each party has an equal voice and gets to have his or her feelings considered. If that doesn't sound like or feel like your situation then maybe you need to reevaluate whether this is the relationship for you. I know you say you "know we want to be together" but here you are asking questions on Y!A which tells me you are having serious doubts about what is being asked of you. Take time you think about this before you do something you will regret.
2006-08-25 14:01:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are the "breadwinner" and he wants you to give that up so he can be with his friends, does it sound as if he really wants YOU? Stay put, write and wait until he graduates and possibly matures. In the meantime, check out the jobs in his area (just so you'll have information). Can you get the same job? Salary? Is it a place you really would like to live? What happens if you go and break up? Do you stay in that state? Move back?? You need to think about this for a while before making any decision.
2006-08-25 14:00:40 · answer #3 · answered by Lioness 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well,that is a valid feeling that you're having. you are where your life is basically, and the fact that he didnt even ask how you would feel about the move, says a lot. maybe he just thinks that the move would be best for you two, or maybe it is true that he just isnt concerned as long as he is where he wants to be. you should really think for yourself whether or not this is something that you want.
i think you should also take into consideration how long you guys have actually been together, if its been less than a year, i think the move in should be held off untill you guys get to know each other better. moving in together too fast could cause some problems in the relationship, i would wait until you guys know each other better.
2006-08-25 14:03:10 · answer #4 · answered by 0000000000000000000000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men and women need to be equally yoked. If your not married, then the expenses of two apartments or houses will be high. What are his reasons to move back to HIS homestate? To be with family? Then what about your family? Why isn't he staying and finishing school? Red Flag!!! Sounds like a slacker. Preview of many boring, unsatisfied years to come.
2006-08-25 14:00:22 · answer #5 · answered by jay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's still in school and you're working, but if you moved with him, you'll be out of work. The number 1 problem that couples fight about is money! I understand you two are in love. But I think that you should stick to the long distance rather than take that commitment. You're gonna be stresssed out later on. And it sound to me that he's selfish. He doesn't even listen to you and understand your concerns. What if you two split up a month after you move to his place? What then? Believe me, you two sound like you're still young. You still have a lot going for you. IMO, go with the long distance thing cause the timing isn't right.
2006-08-25 13:59:14 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We should give ur bf one point for inviting u to move with him then subtract one for not considering your feelings about the move. Men or boys can be insensitive to things that matter to us most, but it doesn't mean we can just blindly go along with it. In a relationship, couples treat each other the way they are used to. If u let him get his way now, prepare to deal with it 5 or 10 yrs from now. Let him go back to his home state to finish high school, stay in yours. When he's done high school and you still love each other, then you both decide where you will stay.
2006-08-25 14:14:51 · answer #7 · answered by ♦cat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not over reacting, its very obvious that he is just after himself when planning on moving with you.. think about it.. dont jsut use your heart use also your mind... think many times.. since you guys are not stable yet with life think about what will be your future with this guy.
Its not like moving to a new house and whenever you want to leave you can... you will have many responsibilities if you decide on living with him since youare the girl you will be responsible for the house, cleaning,cooking, laundry everything... ask yourself are you ready for the responsibilities or not?
or would you want to enjoy life with your family and your job and continue relationship with your boyfriend withoutmoving out with him...
Dont take it wrong I have nothing against your relationship... just hink about it first and if you are really decided about it then go.. do what you think what will benifit both parties,... not only one.... =)
2006-08-25 14:08:20 · answer #8 · answered by mcwelan_syp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You answer your own question why would you be with someone who doesnt care about your opinion. If you really want to have a good relationship in the future he needs to start listening to you (ideas, opions, concerts, etc) hes freinds are not going to give him what you give him, your famly matters too so you need to take time for yourself and think what you really want and whenyou have a clear idea go up to him and explain every felling you have any concert you may be taking this trip.
2006-08-25 14:17:43 · answer #9 · answered by Samuel G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is definitely a big insight into your future with him. I can't imagine making such a move without talking it out with the one I love first and making sure they were alright with it. You need to really decide if this is a good thing for you or if maybe now is the time to end this relationship and find someone who cares about you and your dreams of the future.
2006-08-25 13:58:03 · answer #10 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is not open for discussion don't even think about moving in with him. He is controlling you. Let him finish his school and let him get a job first so that he can pay for the rent, when you are ready to move in with him. Ask him on how he is going to pay the rent.
2006-08-25 14:04:07 · answer #11 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋