Say something funny and get ten points!?

Question

Make me laugh! It's Friday!

Answer 1

THREE LADIES IN A HOT TUB
THREE WOMEN -- ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A BACKWOODS WOMAN WERE SITTING NAKED
IN A HOT TUB. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE GERMAN PRESSED HER
FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.
"THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. " I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY
ARM."
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE JAPANESE WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO
HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I
HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."

THE BACKWOODS WOMAN FELT DECIDEDLY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUTDONE, SHE DECIDED
SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA
AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE Of TOILET PAPER HANGING
FROM HER BEHIND. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE BACKWOODS WOMAN FINALLY SAID, "WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT. I'M GETTIN'
A FAX."

Answer 2

REDNECK CHALLENGE

We challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane (B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle (C) '64 Pontiac GTO.

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed?

6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE", here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece... Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.

Answer 3

So I go to the store and theres this guy and I say guy what you be doing you being a guy so the guy says I'm a guy and he thinks he can pick up the phone without the phone being picked up but yall no the phone dont be being picked up out of nowhere so like the playas come over to fix the issue of the mind that you cant see and the witness playa aint playin no more so they aint playin and Im stuck with some toast and I eat it but I dont use the mouth and I like to say the mouth not my mouth because thats how I do i speak my mind and the toast tatses like butter and I thought the playa was the butter but he cant be cuz hes a playa and they dont taste like butter so the toaster I said to him I said to the toaster " You make good toast but you got to much butter"

Answer 4

Do you know A B C D E F G?

A boy can do everything for a girl

Then, what about the reverse?

Girl forgets everything done & catches (new) boy again.

One more for Sunday!

There is only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it.

There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it.

Answer 5

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about their sons.

"My son was born on St George's Day," commented the Englishman. "So we obviously decided to call him George."
"That's a real coincidence," remarked the Scot. "My son was born on St Andrew's Day, so obviously we decided to call him Andrew."

"That's incredible, what a coincidence," said the Irishman. "Exactly the same thing happened with my son, Pancake."

Answer 6

I saw a guy try to jump a curb on a bike today and he fell off of the bike and rolled for a few feet. He was bleeding it was great!

Answer 7

So I was walking to work today right and then i saw a man walking down the street with no legs...........and a man with no arms waved at me, how ironic

Answer 8

wanna know wahy woman go to the bathroom together?/ here is the BIG SECRET! We need someone to hold our hands in the big public restroom, AND the turd in the toilet might come up and chase one of us so while the turd chses one of us the other one takes the plundger and hits the turd. !

Answer 9

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face?"

Answer 10

Boss asks secretary "Do you know what the difference is between a Caesar Salad and a bj?"

"No", says the secretary.

"Great, Let's do lunch." the boss says.