My ex wife just gave me and my wife custody of our two teen boys. She did not want them anymore. When she had custody I had to pay her more than half my pay ($2000), but I asked for 10% less than the GA guide lines from her (she only pays $300). She agreed to everything, and it was made official in court today.
Well, she ALREADY has started asking my youngest son (12) to move back in with her (She just got finished forcing them out, and has sold her house and now lives in a 1 BR apt!!) and has started telling me she is taking me back for alimony (which was $500 a month and ended a year ago.
How can I help my poor sons deal with their mother's up and down behavior, and stop her from making these silly threats, as it has become a real downer to my wife and my family in general (she isn't even paying up to the guide lines os support, how does she think she deserves alimony AGAIN???)
2006-08-25 06:42:02 · 13 answers · asked by Sunny And '74 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She also requested that she only be required to see them once a month which the judge also granted (we were going to give her every weekend, but she said she felt she deserved "alone" time)
The kids don't want to go there, they just feel bad for her
2006-08-25 06:53:32 · update #1
WHOEVER SAID SHARE THE CUSTODY IS WAY OUT OF LINE........SHARE CUSTODY WITH SOMEONE WHO GAVE HER KIDS UP BECAUSE SOME GUY DIDN'T WANT HER TO HAVE THEM???????????
I don't think so. We have been fighting and FIGHTING to undo her abuse.....the way she kicked them out and didn't even show up in court PROVES how little she cares, yet, I should SHARE custody with someone who wants them for $$$$$$$ ?
2006-08-25 07:02:16 · update #2
You let the kids know that SHE is a screwy person with issues, don't bad mouth her or insult her, just give the facts, that she has some things to deal with in her head so they understand that it is not about them. Then make their lives as normal as you can.
As far as her psycho crap tell her you will NOT be taking it and she needs to get some therapy or whatever but that you will not tolerate her, your wife will not tolerate her and you will not permit her damaged brain to damage your boys anymore than it already has. Remember you teach people how to treat you, they can only do to you what you allow them to do. Tell her if she continues harassing you that you will file a restraining order against her, that she wanted alone time so there is no reason for her to contact you more than once a month, then simply refuse to listen. Hang up if she calls, if she gets ridiculous about it block her number or get yourself a whistle and blow it in her ear but do NOT play her game. IF she is getting no payoff from her goofy threats she'll quit making them. As far as the kid going over there now tell her simply NO the agreement says once a month so thats that and they need to settle in to a new routine. Good luck to all of you!
2006-08-25 07:02:29 · answer #1 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me as though the ex wife is a little bitter about you moving on and doing so well. The fact that her children opted to live with you, is also another kick to her ego. Let's face it, she's an emotional wreck and about to embark on the journey of self destruction. I hate to say this, but you are going to have to let her fall from grace and hit rock bottom before she'll wake up and realize exactly what she has done. As far as the alimony, I can't forsee that happening. Especially if she isn't the one taking care of the children anymore. She seems a bit mentally unstable right now. Her threat to take you back to court is just out of bitterness for being ordered to pay you child support. If the judge ordered such a low amount, chances are she's not going to get anything else in the way of alimony. She looks at it as leverage regarding her children, the courts look at that as extemely childish and will more than likely tell her to get a job. And if visitation is ordered once a month, only have them visit once a month. I know you may not feel right doing this, but in the long run, your children shouldn't be witnessing her behavior and they'll be better off. I know they feel bad and Lord only knows she's probably guilting them into having these emotions, but when it comes to kids, as parents, we often have to take the high road and do what is right no matter how wrong it feels. If it's affecting their lives, get them some counseling to cope, and continue to be open and honest with them. Teenagers appreciate that.
If you need to, call the ex when the kids aren't around and explain to her your concerns and what she is doing to the kids. Tell her you are putting your foot down and won't allow this kind of nonsense anymore. She'll be mad, threaten you with all sorts of things, but sooner or later, she'll get the point. Either she'll start to be "mom" again and get her act together, or she is going to continue this up until they turn 18, which at that point, she no longer becomes your problem. As sad as it is, it's about the best you can hope for in situations like this.
Oh, helpful words of wisdom: Courts do not like children going back and forth between the households. If the transfer of placement was relatively new, they won't even consider changing it again for anothr two years without some sort of drastic circumstances. The law is on your side honey and is made to protect the best interests of the children....not your ex-wife. Good luck!
2006-08-25 07:13:40 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She can ask whatever alimony she wants, she won't get it as his checks run dry. Let her mouth if she wants to, no court is going to grant her nothing after you have already fullfilled your obligation. Don't worry about that.
Now, the kids are now with you and you have physical custody of your kids as she wished. She cannot force anything just because she changed her mind. Tell her to get a lawyer if she eants to change it and tell her, see you in court.
About the kids, is natural that they may want to go to mom's, but the thruth is that 1 bedroom apartment is not going to cut it. At this stage of their lives, they need you to be a positive role model for your boys, so be sensitive, compassionate and a gentleman.
She can see the boys during visitation. Be generous with visistation as she loves and misses the kids just as much as you do. Just reassure the kids that you both love them very much and that you are working towards their happiness and will take into consideration their wishes.
As far as the money, you'll be lucky if you see a monthor too, Iwouldn;t count ob her paying, it seems like she has financial trouble and couldn;t afford the kids and now she connot even afford herself. I'm sorry that you are in this situation.
Good luck to you
2006-08-25 06:51:16 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't allow her to poison your children with her serpent ways. Why do women like her think that after they've messed up they have some sort of entitlement or birth right to all! You do your best to love your wife, and let me tell you honey I am going through it now with this louse of a ex-wife of my fiance's! You need to do some leg work by writing down every little thing she does that you know would make her look foolish in a court case. Then if she has visitation file a temporary restraining order and file a request that her visitation be amended to supervised status while the petition is being considered by the courts. Women like her make my damn stomach curl, I swear sometimes if it weren't for the law I would've been given her a nice walk if you know what I mean. The other thing is I know your wife probably feels like I do, like that b*t*ch is infringing on my happiness because he's in a relationship with me, and it's all about the money, lastly that because the neglect to be a parent I have to take on their responsibility. I hope you take her to court and have the children testify about what she does and you to have others write letters on your behalf on how unstable she is and everything! Good luck ! http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AlNiRswFXckgBwhjgTbMgfPsy6IX?qid=20060714072720AAXI7fY
2006-08-25 07:08:43 · answer #4 · answered by souljagirpart2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope!!! Take her back to court over the child support. Sit down and explain to your kids what is going on. She sounds like she is try'n to make the youngest feel sorry for her. Giving them up was her decision. And I'd do whatever I could to protect my children. They are at the age now where they know mostly whats going on. And they see and feel what their mother has done to them. Good Luck to you and your children.
2006-08-25 06:49:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Introduce her to another man! From your description she sounds a bit unstable. I'm sure she has her side too. So introduce her to someone you don't want to remain friends with! ( smile)
Try to keep your kids from knowing too much about your disputes. Explain that she loves them, and feels bad that she isn't able to give the the things they need, and she misses them. Tell them in time when their mother “gets on her feet” you will consider it.
Good luck!
2006-08-25 06:48:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
she doesn't deserve anything unless she is taking care of the kids. she needs to get a job and get over you. they are boys they need to be with dad at that age . she gave them up willing so who cares about her. any one who gives up there kids is no good in my book
2006-08-25 07:28:06 · answer #7 · answered by lilkin_kingboy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ignore her and shrug it off. Don't let your kids see you getting a rise out of anything that pertains to her. Talk to an attorney though just to be on the safe side. The kids will come to their own conclusions about her.
2006-08-25 07:05:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your best bet is talking to an attorney. You can get free consultations. I think you should also suggest to your boys counseling. I have my 3 boys in counseling kinda for the same thing but ours is more complicated.
2006-08-25 06:49:53 · answer #9 · answered by motherofbjz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she doesn't deserve anything unless she is taking care of the kids. she needs to get a job and get over you. they are boys they need to be with dad at that age . she gave them up willing so who cares about her. any one who gives up there kids is no good in my book
2006-08-25 06:46:05 · answer #10 · answered by ms01 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋