Frozen by the moment, in the heat of your presence
I watch you watching me
Do you realize what this could be?
Frozen by your words to me, so far away from you
I write back but you are gone
Somewhere I’ll never know
And I wish you would find me
See what it is no one can see
And you are unfamiliar
We are unacquainted
I am unknown but soon you’ll know
Just how it is I feel, for you.
2006-08-25 06:18:02 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Well done its a really good poem!!!!
It meant something special to me... something like an e-mail romance...
YOur theme, emotions, tone are well expressed. the contrasts created a great effect, it really showed the intamacy and the distance at the same time...beautiful...
I like your poem mostly i think because the tone changes.....
Keep writing and enter your stuff into competitions if you want then you can get a good analysis of your work
Good luck for the future - yours and your pen's and its, hopefully, long life
2006-08-25 09:37:08 · answer #1 · answered by Elfryth 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is a platonic love. I could feel the desperation of the love that is being offered being ignored (unpurposely because the object of the desire does not know the magnitude of the passion that is causing), and the determination of this same love to become known.
2006-08-25 13:54:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I liked the line
we are unacquainted
very interetsing way to put it.
This poem reminded me of an unrequited love story. Nice job with it.
2006-08-25 13:28:16 · answer #3 · answered by sp_isme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep prcticing my honest opinion is its a start take some writing classes
the first line has to go it doesn't sound to original
(not to say that you stole it from another piece, but the idea is old)
revision is a writer's best friend
2006-08-25 13:26:39 · answer #4 · answered by Kristina T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's very pretty. I like the first paragraph the best, it's more descriptive and I love the mix of words, it's pretty and deep.
2006-08-25 13:59:36 · answer #5 · answered by Her Mama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love the balance of extremes...in poetry and in life~
2006-08-25 13:23:36 · answer #6 · answered by I I 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweet poem, but it sounds like two beautiful strangers looking at each other from two different sides of a N.Y. street.
And the Cheesecake Project (book-in-waiting) is really good, but you should clear up Adam's problem of why he needs Holly, and please please please please do NOT turn it into a soap opera-the world has enough of those, people are sick of reading about them.
Good luck!
--
Lucky Ducky
2006-08-25 13:25:58 · answer #7 · answered by Lucky Ducky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? I guess 13...
2006-08-25 13:46:56 · answer #8 · answered by ?Y? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that was exceptional!!!!!! you definitely have a writing career ahead of you.
2006-08-25 13:21:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
very beautiful, keep up with your poetry!
2006-08-25 13:30:22 · answer #10 · answered by heather h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋