I listen to complaints all day then I hear a whisper
Don't you wish that's all you have to worry about
I turn around no ones there I start to get the shivers
No ones there I think to myself
I look for a clue to who it might be still no one looks my way
Maybe some one is tricking me and then I hear the whispers again
The voice is getting louder I'm running faster and faster
Still I see no ones there but I
Maybe some ones watching me
Then I ran to the door
My mind went wild and the whispers followed
I still hear them to this very day
I always wonder why they're still here and
Why they haven't gone way
Why did they keep bothering me
nomatter how long they stayed
I guess they'll follow me like life after death
Not until my eyes are shut tightly and my very last breath
2006-08-25 06:02:30 · 9 answers · asked by Argent 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Tell me if I should post more poems for people to judge?
2006-08-25 09:03:36 · update #1
i liked your poem! although it sounded very scary, sad, or depressing, and i'm not a big fan of depression, i still liked it! if you made a book of poems, i'm sure people would buy one!
2006-08-25 06:10:41 · answer #1 · answered by molly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it. but on the 8 th sentence i think u didn't finish ur thought. n wat do u think bout this ::
i always wonder why they're still here
and how long they are going to stay
why do they keep bothering me
why won't they just go away
i guess they'll follow me
like life after death
or atleast until my eyes shut tight
with my very last breath
also u gotta keep track of present n past tense. n maybe it will read better if u break each sentence into 2. so that each paragraph is 4 lines instead of 2.
hope u like my ideas. i want to be a editor. don't mean to sound so judgemental. =oD ~ keep on keepin on ~
2006-08-25 13:16:28 · answer #2 · answered by StonerChick421 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love it. Don't understand the pairing of the lines. It may work even better if you split it into 2 parts instead of 9.
2006-08-25 13:09:44 · answer #3 · answered by Puppy Zwolle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK. Let me brutally honest here. While the imagery is good, the lack of punctuation kills.
2006-08-25 13:11:02 · answer #4 · answered by The Stranger 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your talented and your poems awsome althought it is kinda dark in a way but still awsome you should write more you good bye u rock see yah
2006-08-25 13:06:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that whisper was all of the decision which is always on your mind and which is always following you for you to decide.
2006-08-25 13:14:11 · answer #6 · answered by sirjecov 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really liked it, it was very thoughtful and deep. good job, keep it up.
2006-08-25 13:08:41 · answer #7 · answered by Sky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very dark...love it! Keep writing, keep it up.
2006-08-25 13:10:52 · answer #8 · answered by Smiles Like She Means It 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need a man.
2006-08-25 13:08:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋