I did everything.. met him at door in nighty... and he insults me.?

Question

I'm just curious of your 2cents. I'm about to leave husband. I tried everything... counciling, talking, and he doesn't see anything as his fault. I once met him at the front door in a Fredrick's outfit with stockings and heels (clearly for bedroom only) and he just said, "where are you going?" Another time, I did a surprise stripe tease for him on video for him.. and he told me "too slow".
I have done everything I can think of, but I still feel like it's my fault.
I have shut down.When one bad word comes out of his mouth.. like "I'm just trying to having a fricking converation" then I just leave.. I shut down. I'm tired. I'm trying to have that last bit of courage to leave.
Just interested in your thoughts.
I give good advice, but I'm not very good at listen to myself.

Married 19 years, he works and I'm the housewife. he's not gay, we have 3 teens, No it's not all about sex (just my examples), and he is a cheapskate (except about what HE wants). he is a control freak. I think that covers all your questions I've currently seen. And yes, I'm AM planning to leave, but I'll post that in another question.

Oh, and I tried all the snuggly stuff.. but how would YOU feel having it thrown in your face (figuratively), I've already taken enough mental abuse. To make a romantic bedroom would be insult to injury. He is just plain lazy. figuratively and literally. I've been told he seems to have a low self esteem issue, so he takes it out on me to my be lower than he is.

Answer 1

Well you last comment hits home for me as well as the whole question itself.
It is always easier to give advice then it is to take it, it is also true that most people can't see what is going on when you are in the middle of it, that is why so many people stay put in relationships that aren't working out. It is easier to stay with the things we know rather then move on to the unknown.
Well I hope that you don't feel alone, because I am in the same boat in a sence.
http://healeverywhere.org hope this helps.
six years and I left once and came back, now I am getting the courage to do it a final time, not looking back.
It is hard to be in a relationship where a person constantly blames you for everything and I mean everything along but not limited to name calling, and acusations of cheating among other things, Stick to your guns and do what you need to do for you.
good luck

Answer 2

Well, I don't want to come off bold but don't try so hard, back off and let his stupid as* be. It'll change even if you don't want it to, it might take some time but this is temporary, this happens to most women if not all really! He is just saying that he doesn't need all that to get him in the mood and your playfullness he can not relate to nor can he compair too it. Try doing other things like aroma and color therapy, or cooking with certain spices first, get creative in this manner and not sexually change the pictures on your walls around or buy new ones, buy a new bed spread, new curtins, new rugs maybe a new shower curtin, a few plants b/c once he sees you doing things like this he'll see a change in you and wonder what has triggered you to do these things and that alone will open his mind and start new avenues. Try thinking back to what got him going in the begining and try those old and lost ways you no longer do. Do not take his words to heart! He is a man and most are not good with words, if he's been having a hard time at work lately he's probably just taking it out on you in his words without his knowledge. Best of luck to you and he!

Answer 3

I'm the same way. I give advice but I don't necessarily follow it myself. Sometimes we need others to open our eyes. If your husband just isn't as into it as he used to be or maybe never was then you should stop trying because a relationship should be 50/50 not 100% one sided. Good luck.

Answer 4

He seems to have a problem with the relationship or something, and has animosity built up within him. so you should quit doing these things that will only make you feel that you are degrading yourself as he rejects you and ask him to deal with the issue. If this cannot happen then I would leave too,

Answer 5

Sounds like you have tried and he is being a big jerk. Let him know that the marriage is in trouble. If he acts like he doesn't care or treats you worse than what he has already, then leave. Show him that you are not to be taken forgranted.

Answer 6

perhaps you should just get it over with and leave if thats really what you wish to do..
if your not happy.. than its not really worth while staying..
why stay when your not happy.. life is way to short to be stressed and unhappy
ive been in a relationship before when it felt like everything was my fault.. everything that went wrong was because of me.. and it get so tiring.. and it makes it hard to get passed that..
its just really not worth it to be miserable all the time ..

good luck

Answer 7

Go girl
fat lady(not you) has sung-sorry, not easy but trust me and other friends exp.-will feel SOOOO relieved after while, that and a new guy or 2 you will wonder what took u so long.
really-so much fun out there-i know u know answer too-like Nike says
"Just do it"

Answer 8

There does come a time when you have to throw in the towel. If my wife answered the door dressed like that we wouldn't make it to the top of the steps.

Answer 9

well if ur fed up and feel like there's no alternative then u can divorce/separate from him or ignore him or cheat on him and dont' tell him about it..

a relationship consists of 2 people and u can't make it work on ur own.. he has to want this to and if he doesn't then u need to move on...

Answer 10

It sounds like it is time to move on you have tried everything and he is not trying at all. You did those things for him he should of appreciated the effort not complain. You need to find someone that is going to appreciate the efforts you have to offer.