divorced men how much do you talk about your ex to ur current love?

Question

for the first 2 and half years with my husband he talked about his ex at least twice a week .when anything happened that reminded him of her he would go into a long story about her.i even know when and were they had sex what positions how often they had sex.he only stopped talking about her when i threatened to leave him.is that normal.is that what all divorced men do.he had to move to another country and he carried lots of photos of him and her ,

Answer 1

It sounds to me that he hurt your feelings quite a bit by talking about his ex. It also sounds like he wasn't finished greiving his relationship with his ex, and hadn't processed his emotions - which is why he was bringing it up with you and trying to process it by going into long stories.

Why do you ask if it is normal? Whatever the norm is for 'most men' does not affect how you feel about what your hubby did by bringing up his ex. You feel however you feel about it, and it sounds like it was difficult for you to hear him bring her up so much. I'm sure it might have brought connotations of "am I second best - why is he with me if he keeps mentioning her so much - etc?" Even if it was the norm for most men to mention their ex so much, it still wouldn't change the fact that the context and content of how the ex was mentioned is still difficult for the current partner to hear.

Personally, I brought my ex up only when it was important to do so - when there were issues from past experience or ways in which I had learned one way that I needed to discuss with my current partner and possibly readjust my behavior to fit our relationship.

Answer 2

My partner of 2 years & I are both divorced with kids and we talk about our exes quite a bit, but only when there are reasons to do so. We both had kids when married and naturally the ex-spouse is discussed with regard to the children and their upbringing.

I, too, know all about his sex life with his ex. He knows all about mine. But for us, it's helpful to our current relationship because it helps us each understand the other's past and what we want - & don't want - from this relationship.

As much as I may not always want to hear what he has to say about her, I'd rather that he tell me what's on his mind than not say anything and always wonder. Marriage is a huge commitment, and if he was married to her for any length of time I'd think it was strange if her name didn't come up sometimes. As long as he's with YOU now, and not actually trying to reconnect with her, try to determine why he tells you so much detail. Does he want you to be more like her, is this his way of telling you how glad he is that you're NOT her, or is there something else going on? Talk to him about his feelings and see if you can get him to share why he wants to talk about his ex so much. There could be a simple explanation, or it could be something more. You'll never know unless you talk to him - nobody knows what's going on in his head but him.

Answer 3

My ex used to do that al lot. It hurt my feelings so much, I was pregnant and all he could do is to comare me to her and told me what she did during pregnancy etc. I found this so rude and unsensitive. This went on for about 2 years until I told him to stop altogether or else. He complied. I guess that he didn;t realize how much this was affecting me and he felt comfortable enough with me to tell me about his past, but honestly, I didn't care to hear what she ate when she had morning sickness.

Tell him how you feel about this, otherwise you will never hear the end of it.

Good luck

Answer 4

Sounds like he was still in love with her and you could be a rebound. My husband talks about his ex's on occasion but not all the time like that.

Answer 5

I only speak about my xwife to my current xg/f (xg/f we are best friends and cant picture my life without her)My xg/f was there for me through the divorce/custody battle and went through h*** with me. We only talk about the stupid things and that are said that the xwife has and is doing. BUT only if it affects my daughter. Other than that, we forget she's alive.

Answer 6

Sounds like someone didn't fully move on, Sweetie. You may need to sit down with him and have a LONG talk, possibly with a therapist.

Answer 7

I've mentioned her maybe twice or three times in 10 years. What you describe is not normal unless he thinks by telling you all this you would become her. It's all wrong, dear, all wrong.

Answer 8

Sounds like he still cares for her, I am willing to bet she left him. have a heart to heart with him, tell him you are not her, and if he keeps bringing her up, then maybe the next wife will be like her....

Answer 9

I only speak of her stupidity and psychoticness to my fiance' on rare occasions!

Answer 10

THAT IS SSSSSSSOOOOO
NOT
NORMAL
GET THAT DIVORSE
ASAP
HE STILL LOVES HIS EX