Why is so wrong about telling people how long you have been in a relationship?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 7 years and I don't see anything wrong with it. When people ask I just answer them but he gets upset. He says he hates it when I tell people how long we have been together because then people look at him and wonder why we're not married. I have never pressured him into marriage and am very happy with our status right now. We're in our mid 20s and enjoying life. Why can't he get over what other people think?

Answer 1

Have you asked him that question? If he is religious, it could have to do with guilt of not being married. Maybe he's tired of people asking why you aren't or when you are getting married. He's a man honey, they are a mysterious bunch. The best way to find out is to come right out and ask him. But if you are both happy with your relationship as it is, tell him to chill out. Being together for 7 years is good, especially when you are both happy, so if anyone wants to question your future plans, simply tell them that you are both happy with the way things are right now and neither of you is thinking of marriage at this point but to check with you again in another 7 years and see if you changed your minds. In other words, it's no ones business but yours and people really only ask such questions as a polite conversation starter anyway. So tell him to stop sweating it!

Answer 2

Well - there is nothing wrong PER SE with telling people how long you've been together.

But, something about it bugs him...........perhaps he is imagining other people's reaction - or perhaps he feels sort of like 7 years is a long time to go without moving the relationship to a different level. Doesn't really matter........bottom line is IT BUGS HIM!

You cannot change or control his reaction or feelings. All you can do is change your behavior. You may want to consider coming up with a different answer to these questions that will be honest - but also respectful of his feelings.

Perhaps something on the order of "Long enough to know we're really good together!" or "What is time when you are in love".

BTW - I think Miss Manners would say that these people are not exactly being polite in asking this question in the first place.

Answer 3

Hum... this is interesting... He obsviously feel guilty about not having married you yet. The situation may be comfortable for you but it is not comfortable for him, it is very clear, as he sees recrimination on 'the way people look at him?". well, there is more to it.
He feels he was supposed to be married by now but he is not.
In his mind, being together for 7 years should ecqual marriage plans. So why is he not doing so? it is not peoples look that make him feel under pressure but something inside himself. And he is not following this pressure of his own... why could that be? do you think he does not like you enough to get married?

Answer 4

There's nothing wrong with having a relationship last that long and still not be married. Look at Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, they've never legally married, they've been together for around 20 years and are still happy and completely in love with each other.
He's probably just fed up with hearing everyone's opinion. As long as your both happy that's all that matters.

Answer 5

The concern is what is he waiting for?

Some people's marriages haven't lasted that long and you are together for 7 years. He may feel some kind of subconscious pressure to wed.

Answer 6

He must be like me, feels the pressure of others boring down on him. As much as I love to say "who cares what other people think?" truth is, deep down I do. I'm not entirely sure why, it's something I've fought my whole life with, but I think it's a need for approval outside of myself. I'm a perfecionist and I judge myself way harsher than I'll ever judge anybody else; I'm my own worst enemy. So I know I tend to feel that kind of pressure the most when deep down inside I'm not thinking very highly of myself, so therefore I expect everybody else to judge me harshly too.

Obviously you know you have every right to answer them, it's your life, right? Just maybe reassure him that *you* don't care what they think? Maybe deep down he's wondering if you really do, maybe putting that pressure on himself.

Answer 7

There's nothing wrong with it...It sounds to me more like he feels a little guilty for not putting the ring on your finger. To be honest people don't care that much about WHY you aren't married, and he needs to realize that. If anything he should be PROUD of the fact that you guys have made it that long...That's longer than most marraiges...Good job! =)

Answer 8

Is it a real boyfriend/lady pal courting? no rely if this is, then you certainly ought to wreck it off with him. If no longer, then no, dont experience undesirable for going out and assembly new people. Im in a matching situation, in basic terms i'm only "seeing" a guy, and we see one yet another approximately as quickly as a month. long distance is only solid whilst your the two thoroughly devoted. talk over with this guy, and tell him the way you experience. Its the sole thank you to locate your actual emotions and choose whats extremely occurring.

Answer 9

maybe he feels the pressure to marry you as both of you been together 7 years. Sounds like he is still not ready for marriage, are you? ;)

Answer 10

You guys are still together so who cares. He's probably thinking of other things with marriage not being one of them. Leave him alone. Bring up the marriage question when you're talking about something else, not other people.