I separated from my husband because he couldn't understand that I wanted sex every 2-3 weeks.. I mean how bad can that really be?? I wake up at 4 am and go to work at 6 am.. I am a mother of two and have been with him for 5 years. He literally packed up and took off taking all his belongings. I know a man like that isn't worth it but why take it to the extreme like that? I don't plan to take him back after a scene like that. I also don't believe in that counseling crap. Is there really a man out there that understands a hard working woman like me?
I know all the mothers out there understand me.
2006-08-25 03:38:43 · 20 answers · asked by Rodriguez #57 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have to explain it to them.
Maybe get him a book about it.
Maybe you need to relax and worry about how you feel first.
You may get your sex drive back. if you took care of yourself more
Love yourself first Girl, and congratulations on the baby.
2006-08-25 03:44:48 · answer #1 · answered by chicky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a mother and I'm not married but my opinion is this. Think of your wedding vows and what "EXACTLY" you stated; and you should of went through counseling through your or his pastor to judge whether or not you guys were mentally ready for a marriage did you tell him b4 you got married that you only expected to have sex every 2-3 weeks I know it sounds kind of crazy b/c it's only sex but when you're married you HAVE to come to mutual ground about EVERYTHING. You have kids, OKAY, but that doesn't mean to neglect your husbands needs also work out some type of plan. Let me inform you on something because you "INDEPENDENT" women don't seem to understand when you're married it doesn't matter how much you have to work, how much you have to do with the kids, or whatever, it matters that you MAKE IT HAPPEN and if you can't MAKE IT HAPPEN with your husband some other woman will. Take care of your husband, he should be the first person you think about besides God. It's God first, Husband, Children, then the rest.
2006-08-25 10:56:13 · answer #2 · answered by v_palmer985 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you're saying....being a working mother andwife can be stressful....I am a working wife and mother of six. It's hard to first, balance a very busy life. Second, to be there for your man, who may not understand your needs. And lastly, (which we always have last on our list), making time for ourselves. But you have to bring balance into your life, so that everyone is taken care of and no one feels neglected, not even your husband. Now, I think just taking off was a little extreme for him to do, but I also feel he was in need and the opportunity to express that was not present enough. Our husbands need us like our children do. they have a harder time expressing it, but they do. Talk to your man, honey. And don't look to others to co-sign on whether he is worth it or not. Out of all the men you may of had in your life, YOU married HIM....that should tell you something. Talk to your husband! And don't go checking to see if the grass is greener on the other side......chances are, there is a bigger bill to pay.
2006-08-25 11:05:00 · answer #3 · answered by helplesslynluv 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men truly DON'T know what having a baby does to our sex drive.; because they are men. They are not going through the hormonal changes we just did. Hi, so sorry you are having difficulties. I understand, but in the same respect, us girls need to understand, when a "guy" has a new baby in their life, their life changes too, and he still needs the closeness of a wife to know he has not been replaced by the little person. He seeing you getting up several times during the night for the babies, but also sees you not taking the few moments to be "with" him and share each other. And believe it or not, just a few moments together may be just what you need to, to have the closeness of the man you made those babies with.
2006-08-25 10:49:16 · answer #4 · answered by ba10da 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a working mother of two and have been married for 12 years. I have to tell you I don't understand you. Your husband has a need that he is not getting met. Once every 2 or 3 weeks? Surely you two could have come to a happy medium over this deal. How bout once a week? Marriage is about give and take and sometimes you have to GIVE a little. And also I hate to hear you don't believe in "that counseling crap". Great attitude.
2006-08-25 10:44:20 · answer #5 · answered by Jewells 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
So you didn't want to offer him any options? How about a hand job or blow? Doesn't he work as well? Did you explain to him that he needed to do some work around the place so you would not be as tired? This is a 2 way street and both of you only saw it as the express lane with no local exits. you are both at fault, its a shame either of you didn't even try, poor baby, good luck
2006-08-25 10:53:46 · answer #6 · answered by JoeP 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm with Lavander, your "I don't believe in that counseling crap" line makes it sound like it's your way or the highway. Granted, he's being a total deeeick, but have your married - which means you need to communicate with EACH OTHER rather than both being so stubborn about this. You have kids to consider, and you're saying, "I don't believe in that counseling crap"?! I have to say, you're not much better than he is - you just have different issues. Both of you need to grow up fast - you're kids will be the ones who suffer.
2006-08-25 10:49:45 · answer #7 · answered by whudda 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to agree with Jewell. Men absolutely need to have sex. However, maybe it was more his fault than yours? Maybe he should have made more money so you wouldn't have to work? Maybe he's the one not doing his part in romancing you to the point of you wanting it. You're sex drive isn't shut down, you just have been putting your time and attention everywhere except to him. Men want attention and affection too, being unavailable as a wife, is like owning a car you can't drive, but still have to make payments on. I think you don't want to go to couseling cause you know you have things you need to work on, but don't want to admit it. In which case, you don't deserve a loving and giving marriage.
2006-08-25 10:52:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Not "all" mothers understand you. YOUR experience is not true of ALL mothers. A very good friend of mine who is a mother has informed me that quite the opposite is true for her. Her sex drive has gone up.
However.
Your opinion of men seems lacking. "every 2-3 weeks, how bad can that be?"
Imagine if it was food you were referring to. Try going 20 days at a pop without eating. Then you'll understand what it is like for men. For men, intimacy is as important as food. Be happy he didn't cheat on you before he left.
In some states in our country, your 'spousal neglect' (that's the term they use) is grounds for divorce.
Just because you were pregnant (in the past) is no reason to deprive him of one of the MAIN REASONS HE MARRIED YOU.
Yes, it's not the number 1 reason, but.. it's probably #2
"I love her"
"I don't have to worry about trying to get sex anymore"
Going back to the food analogy, Men look at marriage as an "always stocked fridge".
Your action is.. "Well, We had a turkey in the fridge for 9 months, so.. now I'll only put food in there when I'M hungry."
You act as if he should only be concerned with YOUR needs. Did you consider that maybe you should be concerned with HIS needs?
Why is it, that, in your mind, the wishes of the man are completely unimportant?
2006-08-25 10:49:10 · answer #9 · answered by A N 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
no wonder you have such a hostile and degrading attitude towards other members...obviously it is not just the sex that ran him out the door but the bitter personality that goes with it. Abuse and needing to report who without knowing all the facts? grow up! check your self..Good luck finding a man with that attitude wacko!!!
2006-08-25 14:09:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋