I hate my mother because she is so mean! What the f**k am I supposed to do?

Question

My dad had to go to the hospital and we had relatives visiting. So they were gonna go with them to the hospital and I was gonna stay home. Then my mother tells me I have to fu*king cook to huge fu*king dishes (potato patties and fu*king flatbreads) so that when they came back everything would be ready. Not to mention there was already enough fu*king food in the fridge. But no, she wanted me to bake those exact foods. And it's always like, if I don't do them she'll be like "I can never depend on you," "You never help me out," even if I help her out a bit. It's like she forgets the things that I do help her out with even though they're little and then she puts me down. I HATE HER SO MUCH!!

Answer 1

moms and daughters are bound to fight. it's like premeditated while you are in the womb.

BUT...if you talk to her like an adult, and try to be there for her, prove to her you care...she'll more than likely come around. just have patience. and really try to be more adult.

Answer 2

First thing is ( I'm not sure of your age ) if you use that kind of language with your mother as you did in here I can understand some of the hostility between the two of you. No matter what you think or how you feel, you should always have respect for your mother,she is the only mother you have and you will miss her when she not there any more. I had the same issues as a child ( as so many children do) but when you get older and have a child of your own you will understand more of what she is going through. Try to look at things from her point of veiw. Here your dad is in the hospital,that is stress on her. Then you have relatives coming and going in your home which is also stress. Then there are everyday worries that are piled on top of that such as the house being in order for the guest, and if you are in school,there is worries with that,also making sure that your dad has what he needs besides what the hospital provides, and if there are any other activites such as work or school things or anything extra outside of home,there is stress. The best thing would be is to help in areas that really need to be and help take some of the load off mom and you will see that the two of you will get along better. Undrestanding and communicaton with mom will help. Try not to be so selfish and think of the fact that when your mom had you she gave up everything she ever wanted and put all of her time and dreams into you. I'm saying this from years of experience and having a child of my own ( it's an eye opener to a whole different world ). If you want respect you have to give respect. Try not to HATE her 'cause one day she won't be there and you will have regrets if you don't solve it now! Believe me she does not really forget the little things.

Answer 3

Breathe, honey, breathe! Relax, deep breath, come on. Calm down. I know, I know, she's horrible, but calm....

Okay, stopped breathing fire yet? Relax. Now, how old are you? I would say teenager, yes? A child wouldn't be cooking, and if she's that bad, if you were adult you wouldn't be there. You must always remember, everything is temporary. You'll only have to deal with this until you're legal and can leave. I know it seems like forever now, but it's not, I promise.

I have to say, I love how people just assume that this is the only time this has happened, when it's obvious this is an ongoing problem. How does she put you down? Does do the "you're lazy" thing, or is it a bit more personal? Everyone goes through the "you're lazy" thing. That's what's supposedly called "constructive critisism." If it's more than that, it's verbal and emotional abuse.

Also, has anyone actually asked you, on these replies you're getting, if you were allowed to go to the hospital to see your dad? I mean, if he's in ICU, there's a limited number of people allowed in the room, after all.

Now, do you have specific chores to do? If you do, do you do them? Do you do them promptly and correctly? If not, do some, spontaneously. Just...get up, clean the kitchen, vaccuum, dust, something. Without her having to ask. That way, she can't say you never help out, at least, not truthfully.

Alright, your dad was in the hospital? He still there? Was it something long-term, or really serious? If so, she's probably real stressed right about now. And I know, I know, so are you, but she's not thinking like that right now.

Now, here's the hard part. Sit her down and talk to her. Do not raise your voice. Do not get "smart." Speak quietly, succintly. Get to the point, tell her exactly how her attitude is making you feel. DO NOT GET UPSET. Beforehand, think of all the things you do; write them down, if you want. Then, if she says "You never do anything," you'll be prepared. If, when you think these through, the list looks pretty pathetic, you may have why she's so crappy to you. But have a reasonable conversation with her. This IS the hard part. Teens never like to talk to their parents. And parents, much as they say they do, really don't want to be confronted with a serious conversatin from their teen. Ask that she assign chores. That way, you'll have a list of things YOU should be doing, and if they're done, she has no basis for complaint. And yes, I know chores suck, but that's life, get over it.

And again, volunteer. Do things that aren't on your "chore list." Before she has to ask. That way, you look all considerate and adult. And when she really ticks you off, take a deep breath, let it out, ignore it. Then, when you are well and truly alone, cuss her out up over sideways and down,TO YOURSELF. Think of this as a job. You have to put up with a lot of crap in a job. Your boss can be the worst (*^@*#&%$*(& on the face of the Earth, but you never let that show, because you will lose your job if you do. And you need that job. In this, you need a place to live, and she is currently providing it. She's a crappy landlord and you don't have the money to move out. So, deal until you can.

Other than that, get some friends you can talk to about it. And I don't mean the ones where you stand around comparing who crappy your parents are to you. I mean friends that will listen, sympathize, and have useful suggestions on what to do. Friends that, maybe, your mother will let you sleep over at their place sometimes? Or, another option is a counselor. I don't mean a shrink, I mean a school guidance counselor or nurse. Or any adult that you think you can trust. That way, if worse comes to worst, at least you'll have someone to talk to about it, instead of blowing up.

Answer 4

It sounds like this situation is a bit stressful on not only you but also your mother. As in every social encounter, it is the way things are said and the attitudes that dictate the meaning in the situation. It is possible she did not ask nicely; however, you seem to overlook the possiblity that SHE has worries just as you do. It might help to try to see things from her point of view and stop expecting her to put you down before she does so. I do not know whether she actually said "I can never depend on you," or whether you feared that she would say it if you didn't do what she asked. She put you in a position of being an essential part of the (obviously stressful--hospital??) situation and relied on you. Is it just possible that you are so angry because you had plans that she ruined by doing this, and that you did not stop to think that this situation is more serious than normal and required extraordinary measures? If you do just as you're asked and THEN she yells at you, you should point out that you have done what you could and that the rest of her anger is misplaced and she should not take it out on you. It is easy to overlook the pain of others when you are too focused on your own. Try to understand her, but don't take everything she dishes out uncritically-think before you speak. (It is also possible that your mother might have a problem with anger--in that case it is better to walk away rather than escalate the situation, which can be disastrous.) Hope that helps!

Answer 5

Your dad went to the hospital and all you care about is how your mom is treating you. Why didn't you go to the hospital to see him? What do you think that your mom is going through right now? The man she loves is in the hospital. She is scared she will lose him. And all you are worried about is that you have to cook something you don't want to cook?
Think about this, one day your mom and dad is not going to be there. Then it will be too late to make up for how you treated them when you were young.
I don't mean to sound so cruel, but you are acting childish. Your parents aren't going to live forever. What is it like to not have your parents around anymore? Painful and an emptiness in my heart. You wish that your mother was here to help you through bad times and give you advice when you become a mother. And you will wish your father was here to do the things he done for you when he was alive.

Answer 6

Dear Moon,
I realize you are young and have your own agenda to attend to in life, however, if you maintain this type of attitude, you will find that every person you encounter in your life will turn out to be some kind of monster out to ruin your fun. Yes, your mother asks help from you... what is the big deal? I mean, does she beat you if you don't help her? Or does she scream at you and emotionally abuse you? Since you did not mention either of those senarios, I would say, no, she doesn't. There are youths in the world whos mothers do that sort of thing to them, and all they want is for their mother to love them and they do everything in their power to make her love them, including cooking and cleaning, yet they still are beaten and scorned. It sounds to me more like you are aloof and disengaged from your family life... like you want your Mom and Dad to work full time jobs to give you every luxury they can afford, yet when they ask for some assistance to alieviate their stress, you wig out on them! ...targeting your Mom, moreso I gather. I don't mean to be insensitive, but why are you being so selfish? Honestly, your life will be a whole lot better if you stop filling yourself up with disgust every time someone needs you. And yes, people don't always mention the little things... they don't always speak of their appreciation; why do you expect them to? Pay closer attention and you will see that they are at ease when you help them... that is their silent thank you. That is when you can smile and know you are thanked. Please, for your own good, develop your patience and work on improving your attitude. You can only activate change by starting with the one you have the most control over... yourself.

Answer 7

How old are you?? I dont think youre an adult, because a responsable adult would bite the bullet, do, then have acalm rational discussion with their Mother about how they feel and work on some sort of solution where both parties are in agreement and Happy. So More or less what everyone else has said, Grow up

Answer 8

Geez. You know, if your father's in the hospital -and- the relatives are visiting, your mother has a lot of stress on her plate. That and she's got a horrible daughter griping because her mother asked for help. She's probably upset about your father and having to deal with relatives she doesn't like, having to put up with you telling her she hates you. She loves you more than anything in the world. Do you know how much it hurts when your child says something like that. My advice would be to quit thinking only about yourself and try to see things from another person's point of view for a change. The world does not revolve around you, and it feels good to help somebody who needs it. You might try it for a change.

Answer 9

I understand.

Try to change your perspective.

By your mother having you cook, you are actually learning how to cook. Have you ever heard that the fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach? Men love good cooks.

We learn by doing. I'm sure you must have seen at least one nature program where the mother animal is shown teaching her offspring how to hunt. We are no different. We learn our basic life lessons from our parents.

It might help you to remember that when you complain, cry, whine, sulk, pout, you are seen by others, including your relatives, as childish, selfish, and immature. They feel sorry for your mother not you. When you do things well and without being told, you get treated as an adult because you are showing that you are an adult.

Answer 10

If you respond to all her requests like you are to this at a time when your father is in the hospital, I can understand why she feels she can not depend on you. Do you every just pitch in without being asked? Do you every just do something for your family because it is the right or civil thing to do? At sometime in our lives we have to step up and accept some responsibility as part of a family. Accept it or check yourself out of the family.

Answer 11

Calm down. Apparently your family is in a bit of a crisis right now. Your mother is teaching you a very important life lesson. No, not cooking. She's teaching you that families pull together in times of crisis. If ever you are the one at the center of the crisis, you'll appreciate the fact. You are not just helping your mom, you're being part of the family!