very tricky, please read entirely...?

Question

so here's a headache for you: my friend's going through this whole ordeal where she wants to go live with her father (parents are divorced) and she is 16 so she legally can, but her mother's really fighting to keep her so she has this whole court thing.

recently, she had sex with a 20-yr-old pot dealer (who she gets not only sex from, wink wink) and he's like this good-for-nothing dirtbag, and she's been pretty out of it this whole summer.

sure, she doesn't like her mom, but i--and others--feel that her father doesn't keep a close enough eye on her (she steals his cigarettes, gets pot behind his back, etc.) she told me she's doing all this in retaliation of her mother, which i think is very childish.

one of my other friends thinks we should tell the authorities about the pot and underage sex. the only thing is that she'd hate us forever for it, and plus, she wouldn't testify. is there any way to at least have the police know about it/take action without solid evidence? HELP! thanks.

i don't want to get her in trouble, but i don't think she's in a good situation at all.

what i forgot to mention, is that if this ever got out with the police, it would probably put a damper on her living with her father. she sees him on weekends now, (which is when all this stuff usually happens) but she wants to live full-time with him. anyhow, if anything gets in her way, she's sure to be pisssed off.

another thing: letting her go would be very hard. we've been friends since before pre-school, which is why this is really tricky for me...

more stuff: she doesn't do any other drugs, thankfully. she is still in school too, and in all honors courses.

her mom isn't a legal problem as far as i can see (neither is her father, really). she just thinks it's too strict at home, and she doesn't like her step-father.

Answer 1

You really have two choices in my opinion:
One: you can let it go, let her lead her own life and see how she ends up, she could end up in jail, dead, or she could straighten it out by herself.
Two: you could try to talk with her (which ususally would make her mad because she doesn't see it that way at this point in her life) or you can be the bad/good person and tell her mom.

Personally I would tell her mom what is going on because she needs counseling to straighten out and to get rid of this 20 year old, but you don't want to go directly to the police. The thing you do have to realize is you can tell her mom that you want to stay annoumous, but it could get out and if it does she will hate you at least until she realizes what she has done to her life, BUT what you have done is possibly saved her life. Think of it this way, lets say you decide you don't want to say anything because you don't want her to hate you and she gets high one night off of pot and goes driving and she wrecks and kills herself you will NEVER forgive yourself. She might hate you for a couple of years if she finds out but that is better then her being dead right? I have seen lots of things happen in life, Life is too short to wait, you always think there is a tomorrow but what if there isn't what if you only had today. She needs couseling and she needs to stay with her mom and not her dad.

Good luck with the situation. I give you my best and I hope that it all works out for you. I will pray for your situation and that your friend will find some guidence.

I got into the wrong crowd when I was a teen and well my mom knew so she wouldn't let me go anywhere and she watched closely and my brother kept a close eye on me. Later I understood what my parents were doing and why they did that I was so thankful that they kept me away from those people. I thank her all the time.

Answer 2

If I were I would call the police when you know that they are together and both of them have drugs on them. This way they both get into trouble and then the police will question the man as to why he is hanging out with a 16 year old....the police may take action there without you having to bring up that problem. If this guy is a drug dealer in your town the police will want him behind bars. As for your friend I know that you care about her and I am glad to hear that your aren't falling into the same trap but your doing the best thing for her by getting her some help. If she met this guy and is doing the drugs only at her dad's home then her mother has legal right to have her daughter live with her. The court's may also deny visitation with her father until she is clean and sober. I hope all goes well and if I were you I would make that call as soon as possible. If you do it ominously then you don't have to worry about her knowing it was you...even if she does think its you let her because you are only doing it for her own good...

Answer 3

As a friend you could try to get her to focus on the positive interests that she may have. i.e. she's sixteen. I hope she is still in school, music sports?. Which home is better for her to be around people who really care (like you) and can keep an eye on her. I don't think the police are the answer.

There are worse things than pot. Make sure that she won't take anything else. A dealer is often more than just one product. Make sure that she is practicing safe sex.

Maybe you could get her to go to a teen agency to talk to someone. She sounds very negative. Is her Mum actually a legitimate problem? If so, she needs to work that out.

Answer 4

I wouldnt let her go. Thats what friends are for to help out eachother. I would not get the police involved that would not be a good idea, plus she would be pretty pissed.

Maybe you can write an anonomus letter to her mother telling her the details of what is going on. I am sure her mother will look into it and fix the current problem.

Of course she will get mad at her mom for getting involved, but one day she will understand that her mother was only trying to help her.

You should also try to talk to her. Tell her that what you think she is doing is not good for her and you dont want to see her get hurt.

If your her friend you wouldnt leave her hanging.

Answer 5

Just stand by her as a friend and maybe agree only to see her with the scumbag isn't around her. I'd let her discover he is scum the hard way - no way should you report them to the police that would wreck your friendship - is she was hooked on heroine because of him that would be a different story but unless things get more serious I'd not intervene further. This is for her parents to sort out with her - they have to do it.

Answer 6

Tell her mother or her father. I don't know how the laws are in your state but her a parent can press statutory rape even if the minor doesn't testify. Tell them discretely so that your friend doesn't know who told. After all you are her friend and you are doing it to help her. She may be mad at first but in the long run she will be thankful.

Good Luck.

Answer 7

well I'm 25 and, grown life has more to offer than sex and, drugs!!! she's only 16? i do know my dad being a cop and, all that you can give an anonymous tip and they will investigate!!! if you think it's for her well being do it.. just don't give your name!!!! also i believer the only reason for her wanting to stay with her dad is the lack of control an, her being able to come do and, go as she pleases... not because she care more for one than the other

Answer 8

Call her mother and tell her ask her mom to keep it a secret that you told. Her mom will understand and be thankful that her daughter has such good friends that care about her. Your friend will later thank you.

Answer 9

why the police how about the parents let both know if possible at the same time the game there daughter is playin.

Answer 10

try to speak to her
if she understands its fine
but if doesn't then dont interfare
if she's not listening to her mom then blv me she wont listen to you either
she is grown up
she should understand the diff b/w right and wrong
just try once as a frn and then leave all
never ever give advice to ppl who dont value them