asking Ladies a question about men and feelings?

Question

Found out husband was watching porn on internet and hiding files, I was shocked, then felt hurt, disgusted, felt like he had cheated on me. He chose the women he wanted to look at didnt he. I feel inadequate, as though I am not enough for him. When I confronted him, after serious denial of it, (I told him I had proof)he went mad to say the least, said it was private, none of my business, to keep out of it etc (I told him when you want to look at a f****, tell me you can look at mine)
When he had calmed down, he was sorry etc said I did have the right to use computer, it was mine too, he wouldnt do it again, said it was bordom of office work.
I am hurt and dont trust him or believe anything he says anymore
( it did happen a few years ago, although films werent quite as dusgusting and he said same things)
I would like to know is it natural for me to feel like this, would you mind your husband watching porn,how can I make him feel the way i do and what would you do?

Answer 1

I think porn is harmful. I know some people disagree. However, if your husband thought this was a natural, fairly innocent thing to do, then why did he hide it? Why did he deny it. I would see if he would consider counseling with you. I think there is a big problem. And he will do it again.

Answer 2

I wouldn't let this be such a big deal. Your husband wasn't cheating on you just because he was watching porn. Guys watch porn for a lot of reasons and most of the reasons are not bad reasons. Guys watch porn to better themselves in bed and learn new things. They also watch porn because it's fun. It doesn't mean he doesn't find you attractive or think someone else is better than you. Most guys watch it for the act itself not to sit back and say the other woman on screen is better. You shouldn't take this the wrong way. You know why guys go behind women's back and look at porn because most women act the same way your acting. They blow it out of proportion and make a big deal of it when he's just doing this to have some fun and possibly be a better lover to you in the bedroom. I happen to like porn myself and I love looking at it with or without my boyfriend. He doesn't have to go behind my back to look at porn because I don't see it as cheating. It's entertainment for me and for him. Look at it this way instead of the other way around. Join in with your man and you will be surprised at how closer your relationship is with him. You two will become the best of friends if he feels comfortable with you joining him in these fantasies. Loosen up some and don't make such a big deal. This is exactly why some men feel they have to cheat because it's so much pressure and not enough fun. Men love for their woman to be fun and freaky. Don't give him such a hard time. He's just doing what every male in the world is doing and that's being a man.

Answer 3

Your reaction is understandable. It is hard to a woman to understand why men view porn. It is usually harmless thought. Haven't you heard that men typically think about sex every 58 seconds. This is normal behavior. If for religious reasons you have a problem with it, that is another issue. Outside of that, men do not view porn as cheating. Many married men masturbate even with wives who give regular sex.

It is important that you fight the feeling of feeling inadequate. You should not need to compete with fake woman in a picture. That is make believe and you are real.

Have a frank discussion with you husband about sex. Ask him if he is being satisfied sexually by you. Ask him is there anything that you are not doing that he wish that you were doing. Ask him if he still desires to be with you. Communicate. Try not to get angry or offended as this will not help you solve this problem.

Just remember that it is male human nature to enjoy looking at naked women. Women are different than men. Try not to take it personally.

Answer 4

My ex boyfriend used to watch/look at a lot of porn. When I first found out about it, I felt the same way you did: hurt, disgusted, and inadequate. I asked him to stop because it bothered me, and he said he did (although I doubt he was telling the truth). After that he began to cheat on me left and right and caused me a lot of pain (nothing to do with the porn).

A long story short, I'd rather my boyfriend/husband look at porn that actually sleep with other women. Porn is a very natural thing to men, they all watch and enjoy it, and find nothing wrong with it. You husband may be looking at it out of boredom, but believe me, he'd take you any day over one of those porn stars. To him, they're just something to look at. You mean much more to him than the porn, so don't ever worry about being replaced by it (guys would take the real thing over porn any day).

I know it's hard to deal with it, but just try not to think about it or let it bother you.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I would feel the same way I am sure. I think most guys do watch porn the best thing to do is not snoop around in his things anymore. Trust him until you have more of a reason not too. Your not alone in this lots of women have husbands that look at porn and most of them feel the same way about it. Try to look at it as just something you two don't agree on. Good luck.

Answer 6

I'm sorry but porn is harmless as long as he doesn't meet anyone off some of the sex sites i look at pics and have a porn collection and my man watches the porn w/ me y are u so down on the porn u might spice things up by watching. lastly tell him how it makes u feel and compromise...

Answer 7

i think that it's natural u feel this way but no need for u to feel inadequate.. i like watching porn on the internet when i'm alone to.. but i don't hide the files or anything.. next time when he feels the need to watch, why not join him...

just make sure he is not addicted because if he is then he needs to get help because porn addiction always lead to something else...

Answer 8

Men are visual creatures. They perv at other women and that's that. I don't like it but men think differently to women.
We want to look at a man that we like as a person as well as fancy but men just get off on looking at women full stop, minus the personality. The difference is, it doesn't mean anything to them.
I work with just men and they say they all do it (i'm there when they sit perving at the girls out the window) but given the choice between that big busted blonde they've been perving at for weeks or their wives, they'll pick their wives because they love them and even they're not that stupid to delude themselves that they would be even half as happy with the blonde as they are with their wives.

I have no doubt that your husband is the same. Tell him calmly that it makes you feel inadequate and it hurts you that he would rather look at them than you and just see what he says

Answer 9

men have such a high sex drive that sometimes the only way for them to relieve it is through porn, I would rather my man watch porn than have affairs left right and centre, your man is not alone I cannot think of any one man who has not at some time enjoyed porn - please don't take it personally your man only loves you and he may learn some fantastic moves for in the bedroom (look at it as a learning curve -and try not to make him feel dirty or bad about it - share it you might just enjoy it too!)

Answer 10

Are you trying to get a DIVORCE?

What are you tripping for? You need to calm down and relax, because really men just like excitement and you are making something out of nothing.There is nothing wrong with a man watching a porno.

Let me share something with you!

My b/f have god knows how many files of porn on the computer. Who cares I know what he is getting from me. We watch them together and take in ideas. Why trip it's natural

Now one night I woke up in the middle of the night and I caught him jerking off to it. I was mad at first because he didn't wake me up and then I remembered I told him I didn't feel good.

I thought I was kinda of cute and sexy reminded of being I a porno my self.
take it easy Girl!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't ruin your marriage over that ****