why is it difficulty for mother in law to be in good terms with her daughter in law , common in african ..?

Question

Ladies pliz, the flow is yours. where is the problem, yes she is the mother to the man, but the other is the wife to the man, but is there any ways in which these raelationships can be made better? how?and what exactly causes these defferences?

Answer 1

Well, I had the same problem. I asked my husband to decide who is the no1 person in his life. His mother or his wife. I took us a good year of having a bad relationship but now that he had left his mother's dress we could start living our own lives.

Noe me and my mother-in-law are doing better to. It takes a lot of hard work but do not settle until things has changed.

Go see the movie: "Monster in law" that is what I had to deal with, and sometimes still have to.

Answer 2

Some women never know when to cut the cord. Some women don't care for their son's choice in a wife. That wife might make just be impossible. Only way to make sure things get better, if there is a problem is for everyone to know where they stand. It's also best that the son/husband not go running to or telling his mom about every disagreement or flaw in his wife.

Answer 3

Im not sure I can be of any help, but I am experiencing the exact same thing. My mother in law HATES MY GUTS..... people tell me its cuz my husband CHOSE me, and had no choice who is mother was....

They say its some sort of Jealousy thing????

You would think that a mom would be happy that her son/daughter found someone that treats them good, and takes good care of them.... But then again, If I am taking such good care of him, then I guess she feels as though he doesnt need her?????

Im just going by what others have said to try to make me feel better about my situation... It may or may not be the same in yours, but I hope this helps somewhat....

As for what to do about it, I kill her with kindness..... Dont let her know how bad she is making you feel, b/c then she is winning!!!!! As for the relationships being made better, I guess that comes in time... I have been married to my husband for 3 1/2 years and his mommy hasnt changed her ways yet.... Someday when she is old and unable to take care of herself, she will remember that you were the one that was nice to her no matter how bad she treated you and it will make a difference.....

Like I said, this may or may not work in your situation. I just know that is what I am doing....

Hope it helps!!!!!

Answer 4

Most of the time, here in US anyway, the mother in law has pre-determined feelings for the wife that she isn't good enough for her son. She nags and nit-picks and makes the wife feel like a failure.

I have a decent relationship with my MIL. We get along okay, but it's mainly because my husband set her straight years ago that he's got my back and not hers.

Answer 5

The difference begins when you enter the picture...the mother has had full blown control of this man and his decisions...when wife comes into the picture, she then takes over for the decisions and fills his heart with love.....the mother doesn't like to lose control of her son and is jealous of the love he has for another woman even though the love is in a romantic form unlike the mother her love is nurturing.... good luck with the mother in law they are tough cookies.....

Answer 6

Your asking ladies when it is the husband that needs to take care of this.

Your problem is world wide. Mothers have this string to her children and for men breaking it seems to be difficult. But he has to do it. When he married he did vows to have you has his female in his life. His mother is no longer the female of his life and he needs to tell here.

When your husband get the guts to tell his mother how you are number one and she needs to step back your relationship with her will improve. He needs to tell her. She say she didn't know she was being that way but most mother in laws understand and will improve .

Hubby needs to fix mommy.

Answer 7

I dont have these problems with my mother in law we get along great.But for those that do.Probaly mom feels like shes lost her son to another woman.When she used to be the apple of her sons eye.Maybe she thinks the wife is going to take her son away from her and she wont be important to him anymore.

Answer 8

becos both want to be the main attention of the man...

the man is being brough up by the parent.. the mother will forever see him as her baby... and when she felt that her son no longer pay as much attention on her... she blame it on the daughter in laws... common opinion will includes "must b that woman, too controlling, dont let my son see me!" ; "must be that woman who stray my son.." the most popular would be... 'wah lau that daughter in law of mine.. i help my son wash the clothes, cooks and clean the house till they got married and moved out, now she mistreated him.. making him eat takeaway cause she lazy to learn how to cook, ask to split housework cause she is working too.. my poor son.. "

and for the wife... they will think that why fear the competition from mistress will exist when mother in law is doin most part of the 'taking my husband from me kind of jobs?'

Answer 9

honey its like this. the mother has raised him from a baby, now he met someone that he adores and loves as much as his mother and the mother is afraid of loosing her baby, but you both need to realize you have something in common (her baby). you need to tell the in-law you wont take him away you will love him like she does and you have his interest at heart,but you could probally use her help.

Answer 10

I don't have this problem. I love my mother-in-law. She's great!