Unfaithful wife question?

Question

My wife had cheated on me when we were still engaged (about 8 years ago) and needless to say, we broke up after she told me. About 4 months later we decided to get back together. We attended counseling for about 1 1/2 years and then got married about 5 years ago. Things were good for a while and then we started having real relationship problems. We started fighting alot and had trouble in getting along all around. Also, about 2 years ago I quit my job to attend law school (I received a full scholarship and it was too tempting to turn down). My wife was pregnant at the time and we had our son during my first semester. Less than a year later (last July) my wife told me that she ahd been unfaithful with her coworker. She said that she had ended it and that it lasted for about 6 weeks. For the last year we have been living apart. She says that she wants to get back together and has been going to counseling and church regularly. She says that she will never do it again. Can she be trusted?

Answer 1

I apologize for over simplifying, but you already know that she will be faithful...until she wanders again. Proverbs says, "There is no hell like a woman unfaithful."

Answer 2

Hmm tough one as it seems you are considering reconciliation. Sadly tho it seems that she is a repeat offender even tho there has been a few years between the cheating. I think that the hardship of your lives with you studying and a small child have perhaps overwhelmed her and the offer of a romantic fling has won her over. Point is whilst there are demands in your relationship there are similar things in others and the spouse does not cheat. you have taken her back previously does she think that it will all be ok again because hey there has been no consequences for her behaviour. I feel that you have given her a good chance, having stuck by her previously and going on with the marriage etc. Trust is a major ingredient in a marriage, before taking her back you need to feel that you can trust her completely as this will always be a barrier to the marriage. It is great that she has gone to counselling and to the church for guidance but be careful it is not a buy back scheme. you need to measure your feelings for her dont go back simply for your son, you are well aware there are options for him. Be aware too that should you reconcile you are going to have a lot of self doubt etc about what she is doing and with whom. Perhaps to help the reconciliation if there must be one put some ground rules in place , change jobs so she is no longer exposed to the co worker, this is the final chance, instant divorce, and custody of your child after all he needs some security here too and a dad who is happy and still has his self esteem. good luck

Answer 3

NO she cant be trusted. The trust issue has been tested and failed. You have your pride and should keep that intact. Remember this is not just about be-trail but about contracting aids or some other STD from your wife. Rather move on ,make a success of your legal Carree and look after your child. Providing it is your child. A good lawyer will know what legal ramifications are involved with this. You as a person cannot go on wondering your whole life if your partner is up to her old tricks again. Do not subject yourself to this my friend. Be strong and preserve your sanity. The emotional anguish will be too much one day and could result in a far worse event happening. Good luck.

Answer 4

She may be sorry (again!) but you need to ask yourself if you can trust her (again!). Being burned once is bad enough, but she's done this twice to you. Sounds to me like anytime it gets rough, she runs into the arms of someone else. If you get back together, is it going to happen when things get rough again? Sorry to tell you, but it probably will. It's good to hear that she's been seeking counseling regularly, but she did that after the first time and it didn't prevent it from happening again. Ultimately the choice is yours, but your relationship is going to start off rough with the lack of trust and insecurities (not knowing what she's doing when you're not around). You've been apart for a year, so you've probably gotten use to being with her. Don't step back into that or you'll be in this same situation in another few years. You need to go out and find yourself a nice woman who'll only take her pants off for you.

Answer 5

I honestly don't know if you can trust her. The truth is, a person never really knows if another person is trustworthy no matter what he/she says.

First of all, you need to do a paternity test on the children you and your wife have together, just in case.

Only you can decide what you want to do.
If you give her a third chance and it happens again, then I would let her go for sure.
The important thing to ask yourself is, can you forgive and get past the fact that she cheated on you twice without hanging it over her head?
If the answer is no, then it's time to move on.
If you think you can be with her again and trust her again and not hang the past over her head, and you want to try to work it out, then you can always try it one more time.

Answer 6

Wow you have allot on your plate.My wife had a 6 month affair on me last year.We have no kids but i have 2 boys from my first marriage.She says she will never do it again i have trust her some what but you will always thing is she cheating or not.The best you can do is try and trust her again if she says she is seeking counseling then maybe she has changed.If you are happy with out her then maybe its time for a divorce.

Answer 7

I think by asking the question you kind of know the answer in your mind but want to have it either confirmed or denied. I think that had it been once......maybe yes.......but the fact you still have old scars and this simply opens these again the answer for you is probably no. To be honest I think she has shown extreme disregard for you and the relationship.....if as she says this was short lived and a mistake why in Gods name did she jeapordise everything again by telling......to make herself feel better.......or what??? She has big issues going on and you have been so patient and understanding for so long.........it seems to me it is always about what she wants....what about you what do you really want.....only you can answer that question.

Answer 8

There is no rule book on whether or not she can be trusted...it is up to you, and you only. Do you have enough reason to trust her? She has made a lot of mistakes, but could really have changed. It's hard to tell. Did she seem sorry the first two times?

Answer 9

Bro', I say your life is just fine the way it is. Who has custody of your son? Please, say you do!! I give her credit for confessing her affair to you, because she could have kept it a secret.

File for divorce... you've lived apart for about a year and I'm sure you're used to your living accommodations and lifestyle as it is now... you can still continue to be parents to your son.

The only way you could successfully get back together is for you to completely forgive her for that affair; in order to do that, you can't allow that nagging sensation to creep into your thoughts, PERIOD! You will have to be at such a state of bliss, that if you happened to arrive home and a strange car is parked in your driveway, the "thought" would not surface in your mind.

Could you do that?

That's your answer.

Answer 10

I dont think she can be trusted. is she had done it only once it was different. If you keep forgiving her she will continue to cheat on you whenever the going gets tough with u. I suppose we tend to continue to treat a person badly if we know they take. in my opinion if you forgive she will get an imperssion that she can continue to do what she wants and you wil always accept it. But sit back n think. I personally beleive u deserve a better lover. someone who really loves you.