Opinion please?

Question

I am going through a rough time and my self esteem is very low, i found loads of porn sites (adult) on the P.C and know my husband had been looking at them. Usually this wouldnt bother me but like i say i feel very crap at the mo and this has upset me. I just want some sensible opinions so i can put this in perspective. I cant ask him as he would be embarrased and i dont want to make him feel awkward. SENSIBLE answers please.

Answer 1

Oh hun, I do feel for you . Your answer is in your question darling ie: " usually this wouldn't bother me, but it does at the moment because of the way I feel" basically .
I have to be honest in saying that most men, husbands or not, do look at porn sometimes. It doesn't make us feel any better, but they don't mean to cause their wives any pain . It's only bothering you because of the way you feel, so my advice to you is talk to him about your feelings, not the porn ( as yes, that would be embarrassing and it would make you both feel bad) !Hey, what's to say that he went looking for these sites intensionally? It may have been a pop up, or spam...and he had an innocent look ! It is possible, honest !
It sounds to me that your problem is with your own feelings, not your husbands actions .
Is he aware that you're feeling low at the moment? Sometimes men can't tell, as we hide how we feel so please just tell him how you're feeling, he may be able to help you feel better, and then....once you feel better...then you can mention the porn in a witty way ( if it still bothers you )
Confronting him right now will make you feel even worse , so leave it, I don't think you should let it upset you any more .
I hope you feel better soon, cheer up .

Answer 2

My friend told me the exact same story last night.

You say that it wouldn't normally bother you, so it sounds like you've blown it out of proportion because there's other things bothering you.

I think the most worrying thing is that you feel you can't talk to your husband....you really should be able to be open about this. As long as you're not judgemental he shouldn't have to feel embarrassed. I think it's normal for men (or women) to look at porn but sometimes these things do get out of hand, and I think you should try to establish that he's doing this in moderation, and not obsessively....and perhaps also address whether there's any issues with your sex life. I know it's not always easy to talk so openly, but bottling things up and keeping such things from eachother will come between you and your marriage could suffer hugely in the long run.

Perhaps try writing a letter......you can take your time, make sure that you get everything down, and make sure that it's worded right so as not to make him feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. And of course, you could always decide not to give it to him....but at least it might help you put things into perspective

Answer 3

Honey. Why are you feeling low? Has something happened? Are you not well?
Ask yourself whether or not the porn would offend you or upset you if you were feeling 'normal', if it wouldn't, there you have it chicken, get your hubby to give you lots of cuddles. Doesn't need to lead to sex, if it does then great, you know he still wants YOU and fancies you, but sometimes a cuddle is just the thing you need to feel better about stuff. But most importantly honey, talk to your husband about the way you're feeling. If he doesn't know theres something not quite right, he can't help you, he may not know what to say to you at the moment or maybe he's too scared to approach you for sex because you feel low and he doesn't want to upset you, so because he loves you so much, he's just having a look on the pc and not going out to find someone or putting you under pressure.
I hope you start to feel better about yourself and whatever is troubling you goes away very soon. I'm sure that in your heart of hearts you know your hubby's devotion to you and you just feel a bit insecure at the mo'. **BIG BIG BIG hugs**

Answer 4

OK well you did ask. So your self esteem is very low, OK well that is not your problem now its done your problem is how to lift your own self image not for you husband he has is very own self image problem right now But FOR YOU you need to work on your own self image.
When was the last time you did something for you something you enjoy ? what did you used to do before you met him that you don't do now, do you ever go outside the house just for the fun of it You should! OK now to the porn , OK so hes looking at porn on the net He is looking for some stimulation for his imagination, things he just cant tell you he likes for fear that you will think less of him, you can use this to your advantage and take a look inside his head if your up to it. Play the odd game and see if you find some of what hes looking at fun . but do stay in your comfort zone
Hope that helps

Answer 5

I am sure you husband loves you very much and isn't looking at these sites to upset you. I would not confront him i would just put it to the back of my mind. You shouldn't put yourself down and just tell yourself you are who you are and if you want to change a situation then you have change something or things will always carry on as they are. Try and focus on the positive things that you have going on i know that this can be difficult as it is easier to dwell on the negative. Once you have your confidence back and things are still the same at home (re the PC situation) then i would discuss it with your husband and tell him how it makes you feel because you would be in a better frame of mind and not take it personal.

Answer 6

Porn is a natural attraction to guys--they can't help but look at it and be interested--but if he's downloading the stuff constantly and going on websites several times a day, I'd confront him about it. He's your husband and you have a right to be concerned about what he does, especially since he can become addicted to porn. (This happened to my friend's father, and her mother actually ended their marriage of over 20 years because of it.) So as akward as it may be, TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND. You have a right to be comfortable in your own marriage, after all. And I'm sorry to hear that you've encountered a rough patch in your life. I hope things get better for you!!

Answer 7

It all depends on how you feel about your husband looking at porn. If it doesn't bother you then you should have a joke with him about it.
You shouldn't let it upset. You have to remember that the female body is so much nicer to look at than the male. Men check women out all the time but then we do it too ;-)
By letting your husband know that you are not phased by it i think it wil make you feel a better.

Answer 8

Hmmmm......difficult one!! I am not sure how you personally feel about watching porn, and also you haven't stated if your sex life is suffering at the mo....I think I would probably edge towards the angle of suggesting that you both need to re ignite your sex life, and suggest that you would be into trying new things with him.....like......watching porn together and getting some toys.....you may then find that he says "actually babe, I have some porn shall we check it out together" difficult one tho......good luck.
And begin to push forward with your self esteem....start a journal to state how great you are, start believing in yourself, as it is only then that other people can believe in you.
Good luck again.......

Answer 9

ok most blokes like porn its just as simple as that, even if in a loving and sexual relationship some men will still use porn,

your husband may very well be picking up on the fact you have lw self esteem and dealing with it by using porn insted of adressing the issue with you,

talk to him about things and get your self esteem back

Answer 10

Hey scoop sorry to hear your feeling crap not like you is it?
Dont worry too much about it what bloke doesnt look at dirty slappers once in a while... he is a man after all. Try and pamper yourself a bit cheer yourself up, talk to your husband im sure he would understand and just explain that you feel a bit shitty at the moment .....you can mail if you like [e-mail].

Sorry though it was funny you got suspended what you been up to now!!! x