My hubby and I have been together for 12 years. He recently met a girl at his work (the only girl that works there) as he works nights in a warehouse, moving trucks. Anyhow afew weeks ago her and her boyfriend were going to meet us for dinner. She said she would call us on Sat 5 pm, never did. She called at 8:30 pm with lame excuse (left message on v-mail). My hubby called her back and made plans for lunch on Sunday. Once again no call (flakey) , hubby and I going to family b-day party, hubby calls her to invite her behind my back. He tells me to go to party I tell him not to bring her as what will my family think? He shows up with her anyways, I get mad, my family gets mad as this is not appropriate? I had not met her until day of party. My husband even dressed up, normally he just wears t-shirt and jeans. He denies he likes her but keeps kissing her butt by always calling her during off work hours. Shares his lunch with her almost daily. Am I right to be pissed??
2006-08-24 21:22:51 · 31 answers · asked by Mary F 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The following week he had her drive him to pick up a brand new quad he bought for me. I had no idea about the quad as it was a surprise gift for me. Sign of guilt?
This chick is ugly, doesn't wear make-up dresses like a guy in sloppy t-shirts, jeans , tennis shoes a real mess!! I do my hair everyday, wear some make up and dress nice as I am professional woman (social worker) why are guys attracted to dirt when they have smart intelligent women with brains, good looks and a bright future?
2006-08-24 21:54:35 · update #1
I asked him to choose between her and me, he said he chose me and she was just a friend. She switched the shift she works and no longer works the same hours as him. He is quiting that job as of this coming Friday. He told me that when he went to talk to her last night she told him to go home and kept walking. He swears that he does not like her and I believe him. I guess what really bothers me is the considerations he takes for her. In the past he has showed up to weddings looking like a rag muffin. But he would wear dress shirts when he was going to see her. I don't know what to think anymore. To everyone who has answered thank you for your input. The majority of you seem to agree with how I feel about the situation. My husband is ADHD and loves to talk, would probably pay somebody to talk to. Perhaps she took the time to give him alittle attention and he ran with the idea that somebody liked to talk to him. He says he was trying to help her cuz she has problems in life.
2006-08-30 18:01:57 · update #2
He's definitely putting WAY too much attention into this woman, and you have every right to be upset. The b-day thing was outrageous, and if he values his marriage to you, he will limit his contact with this woman.
2006-08-24 21:27:41 · answer #1 · answered by dante_cubit_3000 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you that you have the right to be pissed when he showed up with the dirt at a family party, its just weird. you need to actually find out from him ( but in a nice way) why and what is the bloody reason he did what he did bringing an unappropraite dirt risking the unnecessary stir of feeling of his beautiful wife.....
But on the other hand, if the lady is really what you described and you, as what your self description, then it really bits the bloody hell out of me why he did what he did.......I am sorry this is happening, but if you still treasure him as a husband, please set the right mood and talk to him, may be its just a friendship, but ensure that your hubby knows and understands where you are coming from and that you are concerned and worried about your marriage.
Guys will always be guys, if you soften down your approach, he will be more receptive to share. wish you lots of luck and God blessed, whatever your religion is. my prayers are with you.
2006-08-24 22:08:14 · answer #2 · answered by condon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are definitely NOT overreacting. You have all the right in the world to be pissed, especially since you told him not to bring her. He's taking way too much interest in her. You need to let him know that his behavior is very inappropriate. If he respects your feelings, he will stop and end it there. Nip it at the bud while it's early. I don't believe he's just "wanting" to talk to her, like another commenter said. There's definitely something more to it. I'm not suggesting he's going to cheat with her but your husband is stepping over the bounds a bit.
2006-08-24 21:52:32 · answer #3 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say, upset. Not pissed yet. But warn him away from her. It sounds like something could be starting between them and you should stop it before it starts.
As far as lunch at work, well, there isn't a lot you can do about that, unless you go have lunch with him everyday, and I would think he'd get mad about that, thinking you're checking up on him.
2006-08-24 21:28:48 · answer #4 · answered by Lucianna 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OH HELL YEAH a married man will always look for a work romance since that is the most convenient way to hide infidelity. Plus a family outing what is she a long lost cousin or something? Watch him closely but dont accuse him until you are sure
2006-08-24 21:29:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem with my husband. Get to know the girl take her to lunch. Tell her about all the wonderful things you and your husband do together. Tell her you have sex three times a day. This is incase he is telling her you never give him any which is a great excuse for a man to get some from her
2006-08-29 14:59:32 · answer #6 · answered by michelle n 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
absolutly as even if is a friendship that takes away from y'alls time together and friendship it is the same as an having an affair. Put in the same situtation (even though he would not believe it if you ask him) would he find the reverse situtation a good idea? if he is the type of guy who doesn't get it maybe you need to find a co worker that will help you out in creating a similar situation and see his reaction! We sometime have to play games to get them to understand!!
2006-08-24 21:33:28 · answer #7 · answered by kjhennekes 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd be pissed too...
However, you guys have been together for 12 years - that's something to respect. They say it one catches more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Don't hide it from him that you noticed, though. He migh have been a little carried away, so to speak. Bring him back to the Mother Earth.
2006-08-24 21:28:15 · answer #8 · answered by Snowflake 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not over reacting. There is a time and a place for everything. There is also ways you handle things and ways you dont when you are in a relationship.
He is not respecting you or your wishes.
You need to have a sit down with him, and if that dosent work. Have a sit down with her, maybe a knock down drag out with her if you need to.
2006-08-30 03:45:25 · answer #9 · answered by Lady 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he likes her... relly.. i would know cause i did the same **** before. called this girl up constanly... wanting to meet her.. taking care of how i look in front of her and stuff..
but the upside is that i didnt do anything with her... its just a case of repressed flirting for me... you see, while i was doing that.. i was with this girl for 8 years.. its just a case of trying to attract someone different... my advice is this... do something unexpected for your husband... like something new in bed.. start dressing up... start being real sexual with him... let him remember why you guys are married and rekindled that fire baby.. works every time... after 12 years dont tell me its still the same as day one... come on.. lets face it.. we are men...
2006-08-24 21:32:53 · answer #10 · answered by jaz o 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋