my husband has spent the last 3 years not being all that nice to me, in fact sometimes really nasty.Now that I have changed my attitude towards him he is walking around like a wounded puppy, and I cant stand it, I want to move on with my life and now he says he is ill(which I believe to be true) but he has hurt me so much yet I feel guilty.
2006-08-24 21:20:14 · 24 answers · asked by mz.hunnie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Guilt is a common human emotion and in this situation i think it has a lot to do with your self esteem. I imagine its pretty low after a nasty bloke has been on your case for 3 years. You feel guilty as in a way you dont feel worthy of him, remind yourself he has done this to you and use that anger when the guilt creeps in. Get out and do stuff to boost your confidence, i just completed a night class and its done wonders for my self esteem. Join a gym or club and remind yourself every day that its a basic human right to be loved and respected. Your man knows hes in the wrong and is being clever by manipulating you into this guilt. He is turning the blame onto you. DONT let him, even if you cant stop then dont let him see his games are working, adapt a 'i dont care' attitude in front of him. I do believe self esteem is the key here so go out and find some, you are a lovely person xx
2006-08-24 22:12:37 · answer #1 · answered by ducky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The thing with marriage is you make a voe that usually goes something like "for better, for worse...in sickness and in health". Now I don't have any handy tips for you on how not to feel guilty but what about the voe you took? He wasn't nice to you for 3 years, that would be the "for worse" part and no, that's not fair and you probably do deserve better. But what I don't understand is why everyone would rather just divorce their spouse than stay and try and work things out. It's not like he was cheating on you or beating you. You said he was "really nasty" to you and that's enough to call off your marriage.
It just amazes me that wedding voes don't count for anything anymore. I'm sorry, I know I am not being any help at all to you but I just don't understand why people get married anymore if they never intend on actually sticking it out. I've been married for 20 years now and yes, in our early years my husband said some really nasty things to me too that I will never forget for as long as I live, but we worked through them. I think that's how all marriages are. The first years are the hard ones and once you get past those it's easy sailing.
Believe me, we had some bad years and bad times together, but we fought them out together and today we rarely ever argue.
All I'm trying to say to you is that this is a man that you did love enough to marry and once you thought you could spend the rest of your life together now do you really want to end it when he's ill and needs you? Isn't there any of that old spark left?
2006-08-25 04:48:23 · answer #2 · answered by Chaddy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a serious talk with him and be really sincere about your feelings.
With my husband we always say it straight when one or the other is going too far, this is about communication and respect.
You feel guilty because you (both) played a cat and mouse game that is not very healthy and lead you nowhere...be strong and just open your heart and you will feel much better.
2006-08-25 04:35:48 · answer #3 · answered by mimi73 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself why he's suddenly changed his attitude. Is he worried that you're coming to the end of your tether? A good sit down to clear the air and let him know exactly how much he's hurt you, is in order. If he's not prepared to see how his behaviour has impacted on your life, I would suggest that you move on and find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve. Good luck.
2006-08-25 04:25:51 · answer #4 · answered by Roxy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes past hurts are hard to move forward.. but its not healthy to continue a relationship that you are not happy in. The best advise if you want the marriage to work go to counseling see where it takes you. It may lead to a happy marriage that would include trust, respect, love, etc.
Hugs Mel
2006-08-25 04:27:29 · answer #5 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesnt like getting a taste of his own medicine an deserves all he gets. You have no reason to feel guilty He is probably pretending to be ill so you feel guilty
2006-08-25 04:43:10 · answer #6 · answered by ravinmik 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds that ur realationship has suffered alot of abuse, if u keep going back is it going 2 create new wounds 4 u/open up some old 1s. Just remeber that u should always put ure own health 1st. x good luck in what u choose x XxX
2006-08-25 04:26:03 · answer #7 · answered by Lynz Lou XxX 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you love someone there is no need or reason to spend three years knocking their confidence, i'm glad you changed your attitude towards him, why should you feel guilty if he treated you badly.......... there is one thing missing in this relationship though and thats communication, talk to him, listen and understand whats going on, also get him to explain what the illness is and all you can do is be there for him...... love, talk and resolve thats my motto....
2006-08-25 04:27:49 · answer #8 · answered by fossil 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't! he is using emotional blackmail to con you into feeling sorry for him. Tell him he has hurt you so much in the past & you are not going to take it anymore. Tell him to stop acting like a two year old & grow up!
2006-08-25 04:23:40 · answer #9 · answered by jack 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guilt is a form of manipulation nasty men like to use on us when we wake up~ good mornin sunshine! Don't fall for it, let him earn back your trust! =) In the mean time grab yourself a hot drink and answer a few yahoo questions 'n tune him out hehehe
2006-08-25 04:25:17 · answer #10 · answered by ~blessss♫☼ ♪♥ ☼ ♠♫ ♣☺☻ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋