followup on helping me thru a divorce?

Question

thanks for all your answers but i didn't get to them in time to answer some of you as my ex was busy giving me more grief. My brain feels scrambled when he takes our 3 1/2 yr old daughter for his visit times, always w/the girlfriend he found so quickly (yeah, i know, probably already had her) I don't go out with anyone, too much hurt (divorced since feb), he went out the same weekend, the ink wasn't even dry yet. Then he bugged and bugged me to come back to him but nothing had changed so i did not. Then one weekend i though we were making some progress, he even called me his wife in front of an old friend, told me he couldn't live w/o me and our girl, and the same wekend, boom! Instant girlfriend and he has cut me out completely, wants to play father of the year with this person where before he barely paid attention to our girl, even skipping his weekly visits with her to go party with his best freinds.
He is a Swede, I am American, found out too late he lied a lot.

i appreciate all the caring out there, i am having it so bad when my girl is gone that i either do work in the yard like a madwoman or if it's too bad, lay curled up in my dark cool bedroom becuase it is too much--i have been told to get profes.help! Can't even imagine another guy someday, not after this one, not because i love him, but because of the abusive/manipul. guy he is, and yes, he drinks a lot too. other that that, i am too busy w/work and home stuff to have a social life, or maybe i am avoiding the sical scene because of this, don't know. when i see a guy flirt, i run the other way! thanks again ya'll, keep em coming, it helps.

Answer 1

Loves2read..it sounds like you have a lot of healing to do and it sounds like he has hurt you very much. Of course your brain is going to feel scrambled. It sounds as though the games he is playing with you would do that to anyone. Using your daughter to impress his new girlfriend is really low. I'm sorry that she and you have to go through that. She will need you to be there when he drops her the way he has you and your marriage. You do deserve better and better is out there, but for now maybe you just need to focus on yourself, the healing you need to do for yourself and your daughter. It sounds like the games will continue on and on, and the best thing you can do for the both of you is to avoid him as much as possible and don't allow him to get into your heart or head again. You do have to communicate with him for your daughter's sake, but if he tries to stray off the subject of your daughter, cut him off. You don't have to engage in any other conversation with him except what concerns your child. Protect your heart and your mind. As tough as this is for you, things will get better. I've been there...I promise you. Take care of yourself!

Answer 2

Divorce sucks and when the other has someone it hurts even more. Been there, done that and no thank you would never want to have that happen again. My story is so much like yours but I was the male. 1st wife and I had a daughter. Loved them both but she found another. I focused on my daughter and things were very well when she and I were together. BUT! When my daughter was with her Mother I was alone and the hurt was nothing like I ever thought I could feel. Not a pain like burning your self or anthing physical but it was inside. Even thinking back to those days I still get emotonal.

You are going to take some time to feel better. You need to be busy. Make plans for when your daughter is with her father. Dont stay a home and hurt. Take some college courses or join some groups. You need to get busy. Start being interested in others dont shy away from them. In time you will find someone as I did. I did not feel I could ever be happy or loved at first then I met this woman and she knocked me off my feet from the second we met.

She is still knocking my socks off and loving has become more than I thought could be possible. 22 years and 3 children later we are in love as much if not more than the day she said yes to marry me.

You have a world out there that awaits you. Your love that you dont even know is out there. You staying in the house is just delaying you from finding the person. Move on heal and enjoy the rest of your life with your daughter and that special someone you will find.

Answer 3

Divorce hurts I know I've been there but there is a man somewhere who will love and care for both you and your child and when that day does come be prepared because he will do all that he can to get rid of the real man in your life.You dont need to just be sad all the time I know its hard but you have to get up and out of the house and start living again get a make over,your nails done free yourself and enjoy being single again do things for your self that you havent done in a while I mean anything that makes you feel good about you in fact make it ALL ABOUT YOU and YOUR CHILD and even if you are having a bad day dont give him the satisfaction because he will feel empowered and thats not a good thing at all give him something to think about after you start living life again he will wonder what you are so happy about and I mean each and everytime you cross paths with him even if you are having a bad day act like you are having the time of your life get together with some of your girlfriends and do you and let him know your life does not revolve around HIM and His Woman.

Answer 4

Well now that it's confirmed he's a compulsive liar, it's safe to assume he's not being completely honest with the friends he parades you in front of. You have to stop letting him do this. The two of you are divorced, you no longer have any more obligations to him other than visitation with your daughter. I don't know what kind of hold this man has on you, but if you don't get your butt back out on the social scene soon, you'll never get out of this rutt. When he's got your daughter, call your girlfriends, live a little. The more you do, the easier it'll be to laugh again, to flirt, and to meet someone who deserves you. Haven't you noticed that the ex only comes calling when he doesn't have a new lady by his side? He's a creature of habit and since you know his habits, it's time to break a few of them. You aren't a doormat, so stop acting like one! I know it's harsh, but honey, when does this end for you? When is enough actually going to be enough? You are divorced, his tormenting you should have ended too and the longer you allow him to do it, the longer he is going to take advantage of it. Trust me, it's going to get better! You survived before he ever came into your life and you are going to survive just fine with him gone.

Answer 5

Move on act as though it does not hurt you even though it is breaking your heart do not give him the satisfaction. Start going out with friends and meeting new friends. He is disrespecting you and you are worth a lot more then that. Find a hobby get your mind off of him believe me it works.

Answer 6

Anyman who can find a gf that quickly isn't worth the time of even thinking about going back to letting alone doing it...You are much better off without him...too bad your child has to go visit him...You can do so much better

Answer 7

Well you can't forget about him because you will have to see him until your daughter is of age. But if he tries to convince you to go back with him, tell him you are forced to see him because of your daughter but otherwise you want nothing to do with him. He obviously can't be trusted and hasn't grown up and won't commit to a relationship. There are a lot of men that will. Don't waste another minute on him.

Answer 8

Take mature and bold decision to protect your individuality and next generation . Good luck .

Answer 9

I was just divorced a year ago but still am going through courts and all so I feel ya. Hit me up if you want to we can chat. [e-mail]

Answer 10

Find someone who cares about you... it is obvious that he doesn't.

You might be surprised how you will feel if you start looking for someone else. Don't waste your time on someone who treats you like he does.