Should i give my son his fathers last name and should i even put him on the birth certificate?

Question

My husband and i have been seperated since oct. off and on we still see eachother. I am about to have a baby in sept. I still love him and want things to work out but he just always seems to avoid our situation. I sort of have a hard time trusting him to keep his promises. He only calls me to his convenience. he told me he wanted a divorce when we first split up but i still haven't heard him say anything about it. He hasn't helped me financially either. I'm not really sure if i can trust him an his family around my son and so i've had a hard time deciding if i just want to file for divorce myself and not have anything to do with him from then on. and also putting my last name on my son and if i should even put him as the father, or if i shoud just go ahead and put him as the father to pay for child support and have rights to him. Overall i'm just tired of his games and i don't want my son to be hurt because he doesn't know how to be responsible or considerate of others feelings.

I guess i'v just been waiting around to see if he still loves me and wants to make it work but sometimes it get's tiring. should i just make an end to it and do what i said and if he really cares he'll show me actions insead of words and then i'll know if it trully comes from his heart to be apart of our lives. If he doesn't want anything to do with me, fine i'll learn to deal with it but i am afraid my son will get hurt too if he keeps doin what he's doing!

In my opinion it's a priveledge earned to be a father. not just to be called one and he really hasn't proved to me. His relationship with his mother and father are not great . it just feels like he's already trying to raise him like he was raised and that's a scary one!

Answer 1

in my hometown, a father can only be put on the certificate if he's present at the signing of the certificate. as to what to do about your hubby, file for divorce and spousal support. talk with your hubby about the name. name or not dna will prove to be the father and child support will be granted.

Answer 2

I know where you are coming from,and i have to tell you that with my second child,which was my son,when i had him,i refused to put his father on the birth certificate.Well now 25 years later,even though i told my son who his father was,he refuses to believe me for some unknown reason,and he goes around asking different ones if they are his dad,which at the same time makes me look like a no count mother,which isn't so.I explained to my son why i felt at the time my reasonings for not putting his father on his birth certificate,i also told him that 25 years ago,when in my life i was going threw so much,i did things that was hurtful to me,by falling for a loser like his father,but that there was no way 25 years ago that i thought "now how can i mess up my childs life here?"I really don't know if he truly got the understanding from all of it,but i did explain and it was the truth,but let me tell you,now a days kids try to find anything they can to come against a parent,so please don't make the same mistake as i did.I would label the father and if things don't go as they should and when your child grows up,he can never say anything concerning his birth certificate to you,only towards his father if there is an issue.I hope i have shed some light on this matter for you,trust me,i have paid dearly from not putting his father down,and it hurt me towards getting child support as well from not having him listed.Also,you can not get divorced while being pregnant,and the courts have always told me that child support and visitations are two seperate things,so it really doesn't matter any how then as far as filing his name for child support.I am raising my 2 grandson's now for the next 15 to 17 years and the parents don't pay a dime of child support,but they get visiting rights,but they did belong to the state,so the visits are supervised by me and my husband at our arrangements.So i wish you the best and Good Luck to you all!

Answer 3

Honey, as much as you don't want to, his name has to be on the birth certificate and if you are still married, he should take your husband's last name. I know it's not the answer you want to hear, but in the long run, it'll be easier to you to obtain insurance, support, and won't have to go through the whole paternity issue if things dont' work out.

I understand your heartache, and not only do I sympathize, I also agree about him being a jerk. I'm just trying to let you know about what other aspects you should consider. Find another way to punish him....like divorcing him and making him take responsibility financially, but please leave the baby out of it. Whether you like it or not, that baby didn't ask to be born into any of this drama and has a right to his father. If you deny your child that, it's more likely the child will grow up to resent you rather than his sperm donor.

Answer 4

If you are legally still married, then you should name the child the father's last name. If you are divorced by the time you have the child, then you should name the child your maiden last name. You should ALWAYS be truthful about the child's father to the child-it has a right to know. For individual reasons as well as health and medical reasons. Think about the future and if anything happened to you and the kid did not know his true father and had a health issue such as needing a kidney or a blood transfusion from a family member. No one on your side of the family is compatable, he must therefore need the father's side.

Answer 5

I see your frustrations with the dad but you need to take responsibilities for your son to. You knew what kind of man he was and you went ahead and married and got pregnant. So, in this case if your son gets hurt it's not only the husbands fault. How can you take a dad away from his child when you help make the child that has the irresponsible dad. The baby deserves his dad's last name. You took his last name so why cant the baby carry his last name. You shouldn't be able to decide to not let this man in the baby's life. There are ways for him to be in his life and be safe. You can get supervised visits and child support. That's not fair to your child to keep him from his dad. This is something you should have thought about before you made a baby.

Answer 6

I don't think giving your son his last name is an issue, only because he will still have rights as a father even if you do not put him down as the child's father. He could easily petition the court for a DNA test and reverse any name you put. Then the court may just question your fidelity, thinking you did not put him as the father because you were not sure he was, DA's are vicious. Move on with your life with someone you don't have to test their love! If someone loves you it shouldn't be conditional or occasional. It should be constant, pure, and whole heartdly. Love your kids and make a better choice for them, they deserve that much. Don't hide him from them even if he is an idiot, it's better they go through the motions while they are young then to finally find their dad years later and find out how he is, much more devastating as a young adult! Live your life, and live it well! There is someone out there for you, trust me, kids and all. Don't sell yourself short you deserve the best from someone not a "kinda try to " Live sweetie, live! Be careful, be safe

Answer 7

it sounds like he has let both u and ur son down. Why do u persist on waiting for something that isnt going to happen. He isnt going to change. I think u should get some counselling to build on ur self esteem, make urself believe u are worth more than that. Love urself. Ur son deserves better also. DEFINATELY give him ur last name and build a loving life for him and urself. Put ur husbs name on the certificate for future purposes. Choose the right path! My cousin just went thru the same thing, since her baby was born they have broken up about 4 times which is stressful and a waste of time. Finally she has broken it off for good and much happier for it. Also her ex has provided no financial support for the baby and rarely sees him.

Answer 8

This is definitely up to you, but my suggestion is that you at least put him on the birth certificate so you can obtain child support. If I were you, I would not use your husband's last name because if your husband (based on your info) does not seem to want to take part in his life nor does he show any type of support or involvement then why give him the honor of bearing your son's last name. Anyone can be a father but it takes a true man to take care of his responsibilities. If your husband complies with you and shows effort then you can change it later on or if your indesicive then why not put both of your last names onto your son. Good Luck!!

Answer 9

Tough call. If your husband's family is bunch of stinking, cheating, liars that you want nothing to do with + if you never plan on seeing them again & leaving the state, then don't put his name on it.

If you think you'll end up sticking around and these people are going to be around, the truth will always come out. Truth comes out 5 states away no big deal, but you can't keep this kid hidden in the same town... so in that scenario you would need to come clean.

Honesty versus Safety?

Tough call.

Answer 10

My ex and I split after 3 years. She called our son by her last name. When He was older I told him that he had a choice: he could keep his mom's last name or he could take my last name. I told him he had lots of time to think it over and didn't try brainwashing him. I paid her the money the courts said I should and raised them myself with the cost of living. I maintained regular visits and communication with him and he chose to live with me when he was 12, as many kids do. He had asked friends and families questions about his last name.

In my situation, a responsible one, he chose my name, the name on his birth certificate. Even though it's a 'harder' one than his mom's. In my case I am VERY glad he made the correct and traditional decision.

If your son's father wants to have nothing to do with his son I say screw him - your son doesn't deserve his father's name. A name should be earned.

Next time I hope you are wiser and make better decisions.