Should i give my son his fathers last name and should i even put him on the birth certificate?

Question

My husband and i have been seperated since oct. off and on we still see eachother. I am about to have a baby in sept. I still love him and want things to work out but he just always seems to avoid our situation. I sort of have a hard time trusting him to keep his promises. He only calls me to his convenience. he told me he wanted a divorce when we first split up but i still haven't heard him say anything about it. He hasn't helped me financially either. I'm not really sure if i can trust him an his family around my son and so i've had a hard time deciding if i just want to file for divorce myself and not have anything to do with him from then on. and also putting my last name on my son and if i should even put him as the father, or if i shoud just go ahead and put him as the father to pay for child support and have rights to him. Overall i'm just tired of his games and i don't want my son to be hurt because he doesn't know how to be responsible or considerate of others feelings.

Answer 1

put his name on the birth certificate and make him pay child support. good luck

Answer 2

Its such an old tradition to take on the surname of your spouse. I dont think it matters whether you give your son your husbands surname of not, but definitely put the name of his father on the birth certificate. Regardless of the problems you are having with your husband, your child is innocent and should not be used to get "even" with your husband. The name thing, by all means, if you want him to have your surname, do it.

You child needs to know who his father is even if he doesnt have anything to do with him. Your son will grow up and will make his own decisions whether he wants anything to do with his father. You may think you are doing the right things, but in the long run it will backfire on you and your son will resent you for keeping him from his father.

Sounds to me like you should divorce him as soon as possible and concentrate on being a wonderful mother to your new baby. You dont need to stress that this man is giving you right now. Can I also say, I wouldnt be making a speedy decision where your sons birthright is concerned because every pregnant woman has hormonal issues and can be very emotional and often do not think out things logically.....It is a very emotional time for you anyway, so whatever needs to be done to get rid of excess stress, then I suggest you do it. Your health is probably suffering by all this nonsence your husband is putting you through. I think it is about the most selfish thing a man can do....to abandon their partner when they are pregnant. Surely he could have waited until after you had the baby until he became so cruel to you. He is not a nice man...you need to be rid of him and find someone who is deserving of you. There are plenty of men out there who, if they love you, will gladly take on the responsibility of a child that is not there's. You would probably find that if you meet the right man, he would be a better father than your husband. Just because a man is someones biological father, doesnt mean they know how to be a loving dad.

Get rid of him before he does you any more damage.

Answer 3

First, your husband hasn't divorced you because it's a valid reason for him not to have a commitment with other women. Second, if you have that baby while your still legally married to him regardless of the baby's last name (at least in my state, might want to check the law), he would still be financially responsible. Third, stop thinking about yourself and think about your child. Stop being a booty call to your sometimes he is and sometimes he's not husband. A father means more than making a baby, it means responsibility. And so does being a mother. You can have supervised custody visits and court-ordered parenting classes for him and the grandparents (his mother and father) if you can prove the father and his family are a danger to the baby.
And lastly, as the father of the baby and your husband he has rights too. It isn't just about what you want.

Answer 4

A child born to a married woman is presumed to be the child of the husband as well. Trying to monkey around with the birth certificate will only serve to further muddy up the waters. If your husband enjoys playing games, fine, but do not join in. Give your soon-to-be-born child a clean beginning, do not mess up the birth certificate. Contact a good divorce lawyer, one who specializes in divorce, particularly in situations involving minor children. Get into counseling, pastoral counseling being my recommendation----good, family oriented stuff. You are entitled to child support once your child is born. In the meantime, you could be receiving spousal maintenance but you would have to formally file fa dissolution of marriage action (divorce action). Forget the loser you are married to. Life is too short, and we are not meant to be piddled on by purported significant others. Many lawyers will start a divorce action with little or no money down if it is apparent that the other spouse has the means to pay for the action---a judge can order one party to pay the attorney fees of the other. Now, get on with your life, it will only get better without the loser, though he will be entitled to visitation with the child. But, being the wad he is, he will likely lose interest and be out of the picture. The other paternal family members have no visitation rights unless you are in a state still having "grandparents" visitation laws, but even then such is very narrow. Bye.

Answer 5

If you put the father's last name and keep your married name it will eliminate future problems. The initial act of putting a different name will just push him further away from you and his child. Really, not advisable if there's hope in repairing the marriage.

If you decide to divorce it'll make the paperwork a lot easier and you would set up support and custody arrangements at that time.

Get some family support to help you with filings and such at a later date. Leave thoughts of divorce out of your immediate plans. Hang with people who care about you and buy some nice things to prepare for your new baby.

Dont try to fix your marriage now..try to concentrate on having a stress free environment and happy pregnacy and a healthy baby.
Good luck and God bless.

Answer 6

Dont think in the end it really matters what surname your baby has, but putting aside the child support part, for your sons sake when he is growing up at least give him the entitlement to have his fathers name on his birth certificate....regardless of what you are saying he is or what he is like, he is still the boys father and his name should be on his certificate
I made the mistake when my son was born of ommitting his fathers name of his birth certificate and when he was old enough he asked me why i had done it and asked me if i new how it felt to have a birth certificate with 'father unknown' on it
But in all fairness to he should be named so he can pay for the child to, why should one parent be left with sole responsibility for it

Answer 7

regardless of the situation. You are going to have a baby. Yes you should put the child's father on his birth certificate. Out of respect for your child, later on,as he grows up he and only he will be able to let you know how he feels, but you have the responsibly to let him know he is loved and you still can add your last name to the paper also that gives you and your child security good luck god bless

Answer 8

Regardless of how immature your husband is he needs to be declared your sons father. If something would happend to your husband your son is entitled to his social security and without his name and being on the birth certificate that is hard to get done. Also, he helped create this life and he is responsible to support it. If you file for divorce he will get visiting rights unless you can prove that being with the child would be dangerous for him. Don't cut him out because all kids need their dads.

Answer 9

If you feel this strongly about not trusting your ex then most certainly be precautious. As far as giving your son his fathers name, I would just for the fact no matter how sorry you may think he is , your son still has the right to know his father and know where he came from. He will form his own opinions later in life, let him decide for himself. Disappointment and pain are a part of life, unfortunely the way it sounds your son will learn this very early in life. There is no way you can shield your son from pain, he might resent you if you try to hide it from him.

Answer 10

Give the boy your last name. You can still get child support from "DAD" If you can support your son on your own then ask a lawyers help in drawing up papers for the sperm donor to give up his rights as a parent to your son!!
Good luck a GOD be with you.

Answer 11

dont plan on getting back with the father. sure sounds to me like he has his cake and is eating it too.

think of his actions so far. he doesnt want you but he doesnt want anybody else to have you either. who is that fair to?

if you need his money, plan on putting his name on the baby. he doesnt plan on helping you with the baby. thats pretty apparent otherwise he would be asking for the bills to help pay them. he would be handing money over to help get your started on what you need.

divorce him. the thing is that most states will not bastardize a child. as long as you are legally married when you have the baby he is that baby's legal father. i went through that a few years back and i dont think that it has changed. your husband has legal rights to that child whether you like it or not