How do i get over a broken heart?

Question

Well here it goes...I lost my mother 6 months ago and just last month i met a guy whos a couple of years younger than me who was going through the same thing as i. His mom died as well and we shared a lot of the same experiences and we really connected and we understood eachother. He said he would call but never did. We made an attempt to hang out one night but he said something came up so it didnt happen. He still never called and now i feel played. I was finally starting to cope the best way i knew how with the loss of my mom but now i have a broken heart...by him. He made more vulnerable than i already was and now hes shot me down and now i'm back to square one with dealing with moms death but with a broken heart as well. I feel used and hurt that he would do this and i'm crying as i write this because i thought i met a nice guy that understood me...i'm devastated, anywords of wisdom?

Answer 1

Hmmmmm......years ago I was engaged to somebody who was a perfectionist and decided I was not perfect.

He dumped me in the afternoon, and that evening my beloved stepmother died of Colin cancer quicker than anyone had expected.

My dad called me, I went and paid my respects to her body before the Funeral Home people came to take her away, and then I crawled in to a closet and lost my mind for a short bit. I did not know who I was crying over more...the loss of my fiancee or my stepmother.

So I think I understand what you are going through. Your mom died, and you reached out to someone, and he seemingly rejected you..I say seemingly because you don't know his reasoning. It could be he was having trouble with his own grief and could not handle yours as well...we are human after all.

He did not do anything to you that you did not first allow. You were vulnerable to begin with. You opened up to him. You allowed yourself to care about him, and you allowed yourself to feel great grief at his disappearance. The primary and most important grief you are feeling now is still the grief you feel for your mom. You just cannot sort it all out right now.

Right now you are heartsick, and after you get over being heartsick, you will tell yourself you hate him, you will probably even beg God to smite him, and then you will get over that and be glad.

You will be glad because you will see that he was there for you through some scary times. A lot of people don't have what you did, and have to wade through their grief alone.

Time is a great healer. I got through the loss of my fiancee, and later on, the death of my beloved husband.

Get a notebook, and go to a park. Sit on a bench and look at the sky, and at nature. Talk to your mom, and talk to God. Write your thoughts down on paper. It will make you feel more whole, stronger.

There are also help groups....although I did not find them very helpful to meee. Believe it or not, some of the people there were still suffering five years after their loved ones died. If I were still suffering greatly after that amount of time, my husband would be full of disgust for me, and I do believe he would smite me before God could :)

I do not think the dead can happily go on and do the spirit thing, while knowing their loved ones are grieving over them...I know I couldn't.

Soooo, take the time to heal properly....and try to smile at least two times a day. It will get easier, and easier, and your mom will then be free to allow her spirit to soar and happily do whatever it is spirits do.

Peace to you.

Answer 2

I too have lost my mother and have had my heart broken. Honestly, I'm not the same since. Time is the only thing that can mend a broken heart. I think you put too much importance on this guy who shared your expirience. I think you should realise that this guy falls into the category of "he's just not that in to you" and that there are so many other guys out there anyway. I find that family helps me cope with my mother's death the best. Especially my father and my sister -- their love reminds me of my mother's love. In my mind, i feel that I love my mother still the way I have all my life, and that is how she is still a part of me and my life even though she has departed this planet. It hurts to have your heart broken, more than any other pain I've ever expirienced. You might get your heart broken more than once in your life, but keep your head up and keep looking and never give up. Because that is the only way you will find mr. Right. When you do find him, take the time to be abolutely sure that he's the right one.

Answer 3

Loosing a parent is never an easy thing to go through, I have lost both of my parents. Time does help ease the pain, but I'm sure you will learn to deal with your loss by remembering and talking about her often. Well, your mother's passing and this breakup with a guy are two different things that need to be handled separately. Sometimes we are drawn to people who share the same feelings or who are going through a similar situation as us. This guy sounds like a nice guy, but obviously he is not ready for a relationship at this time. I doubt if his intentions were to hurt you, I'm sure he is dealing with his own emotions after his loss. My guess is you are not suffering from a broken heart, but you are feeling rejected by someone whom you considered a friend. Take some time to take care of yourself, give yourself a break and get off the emotional rollercoaster. I promise, you will feel better in time. Spend your time with close friends that lift you up and bring up your spirits. I am truly sorry for your loss, It's been two years since my mom died and I think of her everyday, sometimes with a tear but most of the time with a great big smile.You'll get there...

Answer 4

Angel,this guy may be dealing with his own pain yet and not ready to get into a relationship. I am sure that the uplift in meeting him was great, for the short time that it was. Don't take it personally.Yes, it still hurts indeed and any woman that has been there feels for you. Yet, you are also dealing with a deeper loss right now, and that being your mother. Try and turn over the short lived relationship with the dude to a higher power and focus on healing from your mother's death. Death is never easy. I lost my sister and father,both, last year and am still healing. It takes time,prayer,and if need be, seek out a grief counselor. Your Mom is still with you, sweetie, never forget that. And she wouldn't want you fretting on this dude, but instead, focusing on taking CARE of yourself. You're going to make it girlfriend. Hugs.

Answer 5

I'm really sorry this happened to you. You've probably heard all the stuff about time healing all wounds, so I won't say that.

This is a hard thing that you have to allow yourself time to get over. If there was ever a time to baby yourself, this is it.

Try not to dwell, keep yourself busy. Try to do a project in honor of your mother. Maybe find a senior home and volunteer some time there in honor of your mom, or continue something that she started and never got to finish, like a sewing project or painting. Teach her Sunday School class. Put together a cookbook of all her favorite recipes and write little stories about eating that dish. Write a poem in her honor.

You can keep your mom alive in your heart and how you give back to your community. Be kind to yourself and don't hurry your grief.

You did meet a nice guy who understood you, but he has issues of his own, that's obvious. Just let him go, it just wasn't the right time for him.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

First off, I'm sorry about your mother. I'm sure she was very special to you and that you must miss her terribly. But I have to ask you this question---What has he done? Not calling can mean many many things. Neglect is one of the biggest. Has it accured to you that he might be having a problem with something, and that he's hurting so bad that he feels he can't even talk to you about it? please consider these things for his sake. Alot of people will probably tell you that you'll get over your mothers death in time. thats not true. You'll only get over your loss through understanding and then accepting it. I've had many of my family members pass, time doesn't heal the pain. But I've had to come to understand that all people must pass some day, and then I have to turn right back around and accept it. How? fill your heart with good things. Try to remember the good times you had, and if you can't think about her without crying, focus on something else. But you can't bind these things in your heart, you must talk with someone. And now you THINK that this guy is gone, when maybe your just taking it a little too far. It could be he's feeling many of the same feelings you are, but he just can't talk about them. Many guys, including myself, have a strong connection with their mothers. And even when their still alive and the guy meets a woman, one he thinks he might marry, its hard for him---because of his mother. Dont ask me why this is, I dont know. But with his mother being gone, and him meeting you....it just sounds like he's going through alot. I think he would want you to understand this, if he's anything like me or any other guy. All I can say is, people have different methods for dealing with the loss of a loved one, but mothers are especially hard. I wish the best for you, and I hope you find relief from your broken heart. I'm sure if your mother could, she'd just put you in her arms and tell you that she loves you and she'll be watching over you, and that she wants you to be happy. God Bless you.

Answer 7

I think that part of your problem might be that you're still thinking of your Mother, and so it was probably too soon for both of you. Don't be too hard on him, or on yourself. First things first. You have to find a way to deal with losing your Mother, wich has got to be one of the worst things anyone ever has to go through. Round up all of the family and friends that you can for this. Don't try to rush through it or you'll just be hurting worse. Possibly you might want to try a support group. Others who really know how you feel will be able to help you through it. I wish you good luck!

Answer 8

The only words of wisdom I have is that men are dogs most of the time. Get used to it. Crying helps to get it out of your system but, it doesn't change anything. At least you weren't deep into an affair. That's one good thing. You will eventually find someone to love and that's what I think you are really wanting - not this creep. It will take time.

Answer 9

You should really check out Michael Fiore's video on how to get your ex back in a matter of days through text messages. It's crazy but it works, I never believed I could get back with my ex wife in this life time but it did happened. I cheated on her a lot of times and still we are back together (won't do it again), unbelievable what some psychology can do.

Anyway, watch the video here: http://www.textyourexback.link - it will blow your mind. Good luck!

Answer 10

I lost my father 3 months ago, and what helped is friends, family, and just plain old time. You can NOT expect a girlfriend/boyfriend to make up for a loss like that, regardless of if they can relate or not. Getting over a broken heart requires the same things; friends, family, and time. Sorry, there are no words of wisdom for that one.