The children in question are 13 and 15. I've read that they "experts" feel that you need to raise them from infancy knowing they have a gay/lesbian parent but circumstances have prevented this in this case. The opinion of the family of the gay man is to wait until they reach age 18 (if even telling them then) because "they are not able to handle it until they are adults".
He feels they know and wishes to share this "aspect" of his life with his kids. I don't know how to advise. Opinions?
2006-08-24 17:50:08 · 24 answers · asked by Stuart W 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I'll bet you that they already know. Children are very smart, people don't give kids enough credit. Tell him to take them out for Ice Cream or dinner and just explain to them that he's gay, i'm quite sure they won't reject him because he's their father. When i told my son he was'nt surprised, just surprised that i told him, he told me "Mom I knew that already, What else is new". But also tell him to make sure the kids are comfortable and to answer any questions they may ask him. And give them time to come to terms with everything, don't rush them and don't push them into excepting it.
2006-08-24 17:59:27 · answer #1 · answered by ~Twisted Sister~ 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
All modern advances extending life expectancy have done is extend the same life phases. Nobody gets any wiser just because they live until 110 instead of 35, it's just that 35 is now the end of adolescence instead of 8. Point being, the world "adult" is now meaningless, and defining it as "18" is just laughable. The odds are very good that those children won't really be adults until 30 or 35, and if you're going to wait that long, why ever tell them? I find the entire concept that some people, for whatever reason including age, can't handle the truth, to be laughable, but of course history with it's death squads told by children where it's victims were hid prove that indeed some cannot handle the truth. So, if the child in question is likely to kill somebody out of resentment for being lied to all these years, i'd say "There are things some people do not need to know;" otherwise, i'd say, if the gay person in question is out to the rest of the world, they'd best be out to the world. Mostly, i'd say, don't advise, because anything you say is wrong. These are fools you're dealing with.
2006-08-24 17:59:53 · answer #2 · answered by elbowfreek 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My sister's ex-husband is gay, and they divorced when their son was only 3. They raised him always knowing that his father is gay, and I think that the result is that their son now has a much easier time dealing with it than he would have if they told him later, or if he had figured it out on his own. I believe that kids age 13 and 15 should be told outright, so that they don't feel later like they'd been lied to the whole time, and so that there's no embarassing hints or clues that have to be kept hidden. It will allow them to better deal with it, and to have a better understanding of how to deal with the prejudice their gay parent, or even themselves, will have to deal with.
2006-08-25 08:36:52 · answer #3 · answered by pceej 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It honestly depends on how "mature" the children in question are. If they are socially aware to gays and lesbians and handle it like adults then now is a perfectly good time. If you wait too long the parent could get resentment from the children with them thinking that he/she has lied to them their whole life. They honestly might already know.
2006-08-24 17:53:55 · answer #4 · answered by James G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What completely cracks me up is stupid people like that lady that looks like Ellen saying that childrens sexuality will be affected if they have a gay parent! COME ON NOW!!! Lets think,,,, Do any gay people I know have gay parents......nope, sure dont. They sure did turn out gay though! I think that you should tell your children because being honest with them is very important. If you wait till they are older, they may feel resentment towards you that they thought of you differently their entire lives and now as adults have to think of you as something they never knew. Besides that, they will learn to be more openminded and tolorant of differences. Thats important in our world today. Good luck.
2006-08-24 18:19:46 · answer #5 · answered by arielsalom33 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think kids are smarter than supposed "experts" give them credit for.
I "Came out" to my son when he was eight. It was necessary because I had a partner with whom we were going to live.
I can't see ever lieing to my child, what would that teach him?
I had to be honest with him as soon as he became curious. Eight was that age for him.
He giggled a lot but got the message just fine. He liked my partner very much and had no problem with it. We did have to ask him not to tell his father, as his father is a redneck homophobe and I didn't want any trouble from him until my son was old enough to actually understand the impact.
He was great, he never said a word to his father.
Even when his dad confronted him, he just said; "Dad, you really should ask Mommy about this." and left it at that.
2006-08-24 17:56:34 · answer #6 · answered by DEATH 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-09-29 23:19:11 · answer #7 · answered by regula 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try and put yourself in there shoes. i think that you should tell them now because i am 13 and if one of parents were gay/lesbian i would allready be mad because they kept it from me all these years. i would understand. the 15 year old will definetly inderstand and even the 13 year old will too. i mean you are there parent and they are stuck with you for at least another 3 years so they will have to learn to accept you the way you are. if they are 18, and they dont understand they could just move out. i think you should tell them right away.
2006-08-24 17:55:58 · answer #8 · answered by haleema 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would say as soon as possible. Kids are young but they're not stupid..and the worst thing I would think that you could do would be to lie or be dishonest with them..You lose that trust and you've really lost....You'd be surprised what children can handle(better than a lot of adults).
2006-08-24 18:01:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
If the Teens, and that is what they are, are not old enough to understand now, then they will never be old enough! We want young people to open and honest with us, "the adults", but we can't or won't be honest with them, is not that setting a double standard? Do not lie to them, because in the end, more damage will be done.
2006-08-24 18:01:32 · answer #10 · answered by connie n 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋