I am married for almost 14 years. We have a great sex life. But sometimes I feel bad about it being such a part of our life. We are commited to only each other. We don't go out side of the marriage. But for some reason I feel guilty at times because it is such a focal point in our realationship.
Why do I feel like it is wrong?
2006-08-24 17:04:14 · 15 answers · asked by Not Spoiled Just Loved♥ 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Serious answers only PLEASE!
2006-08-24 17:05:14 · update #1
When my husband and I got married the pastor had one of those pre-marriage meetings with us. We sat down and the first thing this guy says is. I would just like the two of you to know that sex is 60 percent of a marriage and by sex I mean sex, no making love nonsense sex. It is an important component in the marriage, without it, your marriage is not healthy. Could have knocked me over with a feather!!! Don't feel guilty, if you have a very healthy lust for one another you are very lucky.
2006-08-24 17:10:20 · answer #1 · answered by iluvafrica 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You haven't provided enough information to comment intelligently. Does the centerpiece of your life/relationship interfere with other aspects of your life? Are you happy/satisfied with your focus? You make a point of dredging up monogamy. Why? Risk aside, perhaps other ships in the night could help you sort out your commitment? On the other hand, you seem content with your status quo. Amazing. I am beginning to wonder if it is the sex between the two of you that keeps you coming back, or the "O". Do you have kids? Does your marriage need another focus? I'm sorry, but try as I might, I can't find a problem. Very Best Wishes!
2006-08-25 00:30:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel that having a healthy sexual relationship with your wife is wrong and please never feel guilty. There are a lot of relationships out there that lack the passion that you and your wife still have.
Don't look as sex is the focal point of your relationship, but that it's part of a whole. You both are committed and trust one another. When you bond with another individual, especially someone that you love, sex is one way of expressing those emotions.
If you feel that you are spending more time in the bedroom then make plans for a "date night." Plan something that is away from the bedroom or from your home.
And talk with your wife about how you are feeling, if you already haven't.
2006-08-25 00:23:02 · answer #3 · answered by mmorganloans 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you are starting to view your spouse as a sexual object, and are not getting to know them outside of the bedroom.
Sex is a powerful tool for a relationship. It can keep you in a relationship that is long over. Or it can keep you holding on to a relationship that is merely in a lull.
Rather than try to get rid of a part of your relationship that (I am assuming) you both enjoy, try expanding on the parts of your relationship that you feel are lacking.
I wouldn't recommending saying 'let's just talk' every time you have sex (this sometimes decreases sexual activity without actually increasing communication), but maybe you should voice your concerns at another time which you two are both available. If there isn't another time that you are both available, this may be the problem. Take the weekend camping. Go on a day trip to the park together, or a sports game if you both like sports and have the funds available. Or, if necessary, it's okay to talk at a time when you would normally be having sex.
2006-08-25 00:11:40 · answer #4 · answered by bardoi 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sex is bonding factor in every marriage in an initial stage. Its considered as something which brings two people so close that even the bodies become one but yes with the passage of time sex becoms not the only source of closeness as we bond more in terms of emotions, common goals, family priorities and other relationships. If you feel that everything is okay in your marriage and you still feel that sex is the focal point then what wrong with it? if you are happy together and still have the flames of passion burning- its the most wonderful thing you can have.
2006-08-25 00:07:58 · answer #5 · answered by Mash 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
What do you feel is wrong, sex or monogamous commitment?
Both can be important to your happiness. But enjoying sex is
hardly a choice -- we all do or should. Monogamy is a choice
that not everyone makes. You have to decide together just what
the nature of your relationship might evolve into for both of you
to remain happy or reacquire that happiness you once enjoyed.
2006-08-25 00:16:42 · answer #6 · answered by David Y 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ironically, sometimes we feel guilty for enjoying ourselves too much, while the rest of the world is frequently sad. But I think your feelings of guilt stem more from your subconscious moral and/or religious views... the "dirty" act, the "sin" of lust, the "guilt" of pleasure, a "secret" dirty act we must conceal from others, so as not to offend them.
You're in your mid-thirties, I'm assuming, and because you are getting older, you're becoming more focused upon your mortality, and what will happen to you after wards. Too much fun does not seem holy, and so you are beginning to worry about your eternal future.
Your fears are making you doubt, but that is the function of fear; to make us unhappy. Nobody cares how happy we are in life, as long as we are not any happier than they are. For if we are, they will try their very best to bring us down to their level of happiness, and if we allow them to do that, there will be others behind them, less happy than they are, that will also try to bring you down to their level, etc.
Religion is the greatest promoter of fear, which also shapes many of our moral/social rules. But God loved us into existence, and God is a perfect creator. Thus we are not like a batch of cookies in the oven of life, such that if we turn out good He will keep us, and if we turn out bad He will simply toss us out. Trust in His forever love, and be happy.
2006-08-25 00:46:28 · answer #7 · answered by eric l 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Women are still raised for the most part with some very Puritanical beliefs about the "rights" and "wrongs" regarding sex.
What you are taught tends to stick with you. But you can make a conscious effort to change your thoughts about this. Give yourself permission to enjoy all the sex you want with your beloved husband. And then give thanks at night that you and your husband have this great gift that so many people want and never get to have.
Enjoy!!
2006-08-25 00:47:26 · answer #8 · answered by a_phantoms_rose 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
iluvafrica is right. Sex is a very healthy sign of a marriage. There is nothing wrong. Everything is right. It is the opposite of this:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=As3NhBmvPDS4JZZnbsCzgcLsy6IX?qid=1006042845771
2006-08-25 00:26:15 · answer #9 · answered by Kitiany 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you may just be foccused on that part of your relashnship becuse either u enjoy it or u dislike something about it. and you shouldnt feel wrong about this plenty of couples exprience this.maybe u should find somthing else to focus on and do it as a couple.like make a scrap book or photo album.just so u know im 13.
2006-08-25 00:13:54 · answer #10 · answered by worrble 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋