ive been married for 6 years but ive not kissed or cuddled my husband for 5 years now, i dont feel the connection, the spark, that feeling you get when u kiss the one you love,thers nothing there when he kisses me, i dont feel anything at all & its now come to a stage where we dont kiss or cuddle each other at all, ive been thinking about leaving him because im quite positive that i dont love him but my husband loves me alot and would do anything for me and when we speak about getting devorced he gets really upset and when i see him crying or hurting it makes me feel really sad also and i start to cry aswell and end up deciding to live with him because its to hard for me to see him hurting so my question is is this love? do i love him or not? i personally think that i dont but i dont want to make the mistake of rushing in to things and divorcing him.i feel like the reason it hurts me alot 2 see him hurting is because ive spent 6 years of my life with him and cant see him hurting
2006-08-24 16:31:59 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we have tried everything like romantic evenings out & living seperate from each several times but that didnt make a difference, we also have a child together, could some one please give a genuin honest answer, i would really appreciate it.thank you all in advance :)
2006-08-24 16:46:18 · update #1
Hi
After a while...a marriage might turn into the feeling of room mates....
some things to try before thinking the big D word....
1. counseling...
2. communicate your thoughts and feelings
3. make a list ..of pro's and cons about the relationship
4. remember your vows..till death do us part!
5. start having date nights 1x a week...try to bring the romance back into the relationship..have a different theme each week...
6. ask him out straight why no kissing/cuddling....see what he says!
2006-08-24 16:37:35 · answer #1 · answered by sleddinginthesnow 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's the five year slump. Happens to everybody. The initial infatuation wears off and now it is down to real life. Sorry but you don't stay in that stage forever. You obviously care a lot about him probably do even love him - you just don't lust for him any more. You should try to perk up your sex life with him a bit. Try doing something risque or buy a sexy outfit. Break your routine. Go out to a fancy restaurant/bar something you can get dressed up for and something you never do. Go to amusement parks or sky diving together or something where your adrenaline gets going. You should make sure to "date" once a week. And you should hug and cuddle often - when you stop doing that it really can feel like you've lost your love. You should also kiss everyday and I don't mean a peck. Kissing at times other than just when having sex has been shown to strengthen the bond in a marriage
It sounds like there is no specific reason you should be leaving (abuse, drugs, affair, etc.) I think you should really try to stick it out but if you consider divorce why not try counseling first. I would seek both a marriage councilor and a sex therapist.
2006-08-24 23:46:51 · answer #2 · answered by pebble 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
As I observed from your explanation , you must have some hidden feelings for some one else and you don't enjoy , even the touching of your husband .
Strongly feel , first you both move out for at least few months , one may live as paying guest at different place ,that way he will also not get hurt and you will not feel guilty to make him cry .
You both must join some health club , start day with jogging / light exercises and then meditation for couple of months .
Now , you must sit in a lonely place and give a thought , wheat her you are serious and can manage to live alone , if yes go ahead file for divorce , if , still you have some feeling , then come back to him and start a fresh and behave like a real lady , no nagging , regular three meals together , go together for swimming / jogging and meditation .Now you you have to choose which one will be good for your Happy future .
2006-08-25 00:19:01 · answer #3 · answered by your noon 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My dear, love is a two way street and unfortunately, you are going in the wrong direction. You already know the answer to your question. Sympothy is no reason to stay in a marraige that you know has faultered. You must think of yourself and your happiness. Are you going to feel the same way in 10 yrs? 20yrs? By then, it's going to be too late and you will look back and regret your decision to stay with someone that you have no spark for. Six years does not a lifetime make. Get out and move on. Find the happiness the you need and deserve in life. I'm sure he's cryed you back into his arms more than once. After the tears, still no spark. Get out of his hip pocket and seek your destiny...
2006-08-24 23:51:45 · answer #4 · answered by retsiemeop 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You need a professional counselor. Only you know if you love him. If you married him six years ago, you must have felt something then. I think it is worth trying to work things out from what I read.
As Dr. Phil wrote in something I read earlier, the grass is greener on the other side. You need to be concentrating on fixing what you do have.
You can get the spark back in your life, you just might need a little help from a counselor or someone to help the two of you connect.
Good luck!
2006-08-24 23:48:44 · answer #5 · answered by angelwings 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
you and this man need some serious help. I see a lot of thing wrong in this relationship; we don't kiss or cuddled, you don't feel nothing when you do. I know good and well your not having sex You didn't say if you two have children. Life is just to short to be sticking around with a man you don't have feeling for and I 'm staying because he nice and I can't stay to see him cry. I also wonder if maybe he might be on the DOWN-LOW
2006-08-24 23:42:34 · answer #6 · answered by Ellen J 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well dear, there's a difference of being in love and loving someone. If you don't feel anything at all, it's time to let go and move on. It makes no sense of staying in a one-sided loveless marriage and its also unfair to him. He loves you, but if you two get a divorce he will get over it and has a chance to find someone who loves him back. You might want to consider seeing a marriage counsellor before you take the big step.
But as I said before, just staying because you don't want to see him hurt is not the right thing. You'll be staying because you pity him and eventually the pity becomes hate and regret. And you don't want to do that to yourself and to him.
2006-08-24 23:40:04 · answer #7 · answered by Mightymo 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
man, you have a problem. maybe you should spend a couple of weeks away from him and see how you feel with him not being there. if you feel happier without him, then you have a life to and you should seperate, but if you find yourself wishing he was there, then you probably love him. i wouldnt get a divorce until i was sure that i dont love him if i were you. i mean, you have to think of yourself too, even if it does hurt him, if you are not happy, then you need to do what makes you happy.
2006-08-24 23:40:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I think this is a more complex issue that can't be answered on these message borads where more people care more about a couple points than seriously exploring some peoples' most important questions and decisions of their lives.
Ask your family or close friends. Best of luck.
2006-08-24 23:39:00 · answer #9 · answered by mykoo7 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
guilt? Counseling, marriage or personal, if you are asking this question here, then should have no problem with the advice of a professional. got to be able to answer for yourself. honey moon is over and now you have to live the rest of your life. with or without ur hubby. do you want to repeat Elizabeth Taylor history without the money. love yourself before you commit to someone else.
2006-08-24 23:42:41 · answer #10 · answered by sllyjo 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋