Married but in love with someone else, what to do??

Question

Have been married for 5 yrs now, I got married at 18 and have two wonderful kids. I care about my husband cause he's the father of my kids, but I dont love him anymore. I guess I just git tired of waiting for him to change and start caring about our kids and me, that now that he does, its too late. I met someone else, and even though we havent been intimate, I love him so much. When Im intimate with my husband Im thinking about him. And it really sux opening my eyes and see that its not the person I was making love to. Makes me feel dirty and sad. I would've thought by now he would have noticed that my feelings have change, but it seems like he doesnt, either I am a good actress or he just doesnt want to accept the fact that I dont love him anymore. What should I do?? Im so confused.

Answer 1

You need to speak to your husband about this. Tell him how you feel about him and if he doesn't improve, ask yourself if you really want to move on. And if you do move on, what will happen to your kids? Will this new guy accept your kids? If your husband will willing to work on your relationship with him, then respect that effort of his. Marriages aren't ever smooth sailing. You are at the stage where reality is finally sinking in. You are in your early 20s and you got married rather early. Perhaps you still don't understand what men are going through at work. Sometimes, he seems detached because he's facing a tough time at work. Be supportive. Your kids and husband need you, don't abandon their needs for your own.

Answer 2

You are already married so before you try to get a divorce try to work things out. Do it For you and your kids. Go to couples therapy. You can fall back in love with the man you married, the father or your wonderful kids.
The best weapon in marriage is communication. If you were communicating well, you probably wouldn't have asked this question here. This question can best be answered by you. None of us will give you a concrete answer. So, please talk to your husband. Don't start like you are angry with him or as if you are complaining. Just get him when he's in his best moods and talk. Ask. Tell him you are worried about the relationship .I am sure he loves you. Do everything you can to make him talk to you. This is my advice, pray. If you've never prayed, this time pray. Ask God to help you because he's the only one who knows every man's thoughts. All the problems in a marriage only make you guys stronger and brings you closer if you overcome them. It’s a hard situation to be in. I also got married when I was 18. Sometimes our bodies have appetites and our minds too. Sometimes I feel attracted to other people, I’m drawn to them physically and spiritually, that’s normal. But you made a commitment to your husband to be together and, as long as his not an abusive man I’m sure there are things you can both work on to make this marriage work. Don’t give up, there are many trials in life and this is one of them. Find the love you once felt for him and nurture that. I hope you take what you feel is good advice and ponder it.

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Answer 3

You should seek counselling... the new man is that new and your husband is just that somebody who has created a past with you and has along the way hurt you and pushed you away. You say now your husband cares I guess he is sensing you have changed and in that he is obviously caring enough to try to keep you. Sometimes when we move on like this we are swapping a hole lot of problems for a new bunch we just don't know about yet. Love and lust are different and over the years change in a relationship. If I was you I'd try to hold onto my family and let go of the guy....but I'm not you. I would say get counselling and try to work out what you are going to do. BTW if you want to be single you should be just that have time out to find yourself be free and date lots of men before you settle down again it's a growth, learning and healing stage that if you miss will hurt all your relationships.

Answer 4

I guess you know by now that getting married at 18 is a bit young. I guess you already know that when you marry someone they don't change......if anything the things you don't like get worse.
Even with this new guy you love, might not be who or what you need. The biggest thing is that you have made a commitment.
Get some counseling. Try to spice up the marriage. No one but you will if and when it is time to leave. Next time make sure he is what you want and need. Divorce sucks

Answer 5

You have to decide what you really want. Have you tried to work on your marriage? Really work on it? When we're miserable it's so easy to see someone else as the answer, but the truth is, they're only a diversion. Just because you end your marriage doesn't mean the problems stop. Unless you try to fix what's wrong NOW, chances are good the problems will follow you into your next relationship. That's what my therapist told me once. The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence; you're just not close enough to it to see that it's exactly like the grass you've already got.

Answer 6

I would say get a divorce but you made vows and its not that easy. If he dont love you and the kids nor does he spend time with you guys you need to move on. You have been a good wife if you havent slept with theother guy, but if you decide to go farther do it right by getting a divorce. I hope everything works out because I understand where you are coming from. I am 25 and I have been married 3 months and my friend has been inlove with me for 2 years. Its hard but make the best decision and talk to your kids. Good luck.

Answer 7

You should stop seeing this person and realize that you married your husband, had kids with him, took vows with him, and you need to start putting some real effort into getting your marriage back on track. You were in love with him once and you can be again if you let yourself - but as long as you are "in love" with this other person you won't be able to feel that way about your husband.
Get into counseling if you are willing and start working through the issues you have with your marriage and your husband. Your marriage can work and be wonderful if you put 100% in and really try.

Answer 8

You need to answer one question for yourself and then you will have the solution to your problem. Forget about the other man for a minute. Ask yourself, "Would I leave now anyway?"

If you can't answer honestly "yes" then you have your answer. If you are ever going to leave your husband, it has to be about him and you.

Don't EVER leave your husband for another man. Leave because you can't stand to be with him anymore and you don't want to work it out. Because trust me, in the end, you'll still be unhappy.

All relationships come to the point that yours is at. But the grass isn't greener on the other side, perhaps a different shade of green is all. And if you leave for another man, you may think you are doing what's best for your children but that's not necessarily true. Maybe what's best for them is to be in a real, all American family where their parents may not be in love, but have deep compassion and respect for each other, and not step-parents, arguements and custody battles. Think about that too.

Just make sure you leave for the right reasons.

Answer 9

I'm kind of in the same situation. My husband and I have not had a "marriage" in over 4 years. We've only been married for 7years. A male friend moved in with us, with my husbands permission, because he was about to be homeless. Well, he began spending quality time with me and my children, ages 4-21. He madea us laugh, brought me out of my depression and over time, we fell in love with each other. That was a year and a half ago. He is still living in our home, but I have been sharing a bedroom with him for over a year. My husband knows about it, contimues to live in the same house, pays bills etc. But recently he decided he couldn't take it anymore. When we talked about it, he said he really didn't want to leave us, so my (boyfriend) and I talked and he decided for all our sakes that he would move out. He knows that he and I cannot make it on our own financially and he doesn't want to see me or my kids suffer financially if my husband moves out. This is hurting us both very, very badly. I cannot imagine living a day without him, but this is what we have to do. I know my answer has a lot to do with my own problem, but what I'm getting at is that you need to decide what and who you really want and be sure you're making the right decision. I'm doing it for my children, because 3 of them are still young. If they were older, my decision would be different because I would live for "Love" and not "Money". You ned to decide what is best for You and if you have kids, keep that in mind also. Good luck and I hope you let me know what you decide.

Answer 10

I'm not sure what else to say other then if you're no longer in love with your hubby how can you make love to him...

I'm sorry I'm from old school where you stay married and stay faithful, whether that's physically or emotionally. You once loved him, there was something once that made you weak in the knees, I think you need to talk to him and tell him you're not happy, that you want to try and make it work, that you want to rekindle that spark...that is if you want to try and work it out with your husband, if you don't I feel you still owe your husband the truth...and before you do anything drastic think what it'll do to your kids...