She was my first love and like a lot of relationships it started with a BANG then fizzled out as the years past. I never thought it was possible to fall out of love with someone. Or even to love someone but not be "in-love" with that person. We have always talked about our differences and ways to be better but in the end not much changed. We would argue over the silliest little things. When arguing, we would disrespect each other like no couple should.
I moved in with her after living at home with my parents. I don't think I've ever had a chance to mature on my own. We have a daughter and it hurts me to see her leave. I feel like I have made the right decision for both of us. I have always been faithful to her but it seems as though we are on seperate "tracks" in life. She has been gone for 3 days now and I miss her but I don't regret my decision. Just need some advice from someone who may have gone through a similar situation. Thank you.
2006-08-24 15:19:43 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Splitting up is never easy. Never. It doesn't sound to me like you've fallen out of love...but more likely, you've grown apart because you probably started out together very young. People DO change and mature and find different interests as time goes on. It isn't like you hate each other. I know it's rough right now, but things will start looking brighter for both of you. I know MANY people...myself included, who get along much better with an ex after a separation/divorce than they ever did together. As long as you remain part of your daughter's life, she will be fine too...and she'll probably be happier without the arguing.
2006-08-24 15:26:08 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa E 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Many times people believe that love is going to be bells and whistles all the time, and if it doesn't happen after a few years, then something must be wrong.
It ain't necessarily so.
You say you love your girlfriend. I believe you do, but have fallen into the trap of believing that it should be rainbows and lollipops all the time.
There is no reason both of you should not be able to expand yourselves and grow within the boundaries of the relationship.
If you love each other, then name calling and recriminations should not be something both of you revert to when having a disagreement. Fight fair. It matters.
Be reasonable. It matters.
Show your love every day. It matters.
Support and be there for each other.
Now, having said that, if you are still sure you made the right decision, then stick with it. There is no reason to drag out what may be inevitable if that is the way you feel at your core.
Good luck
2006-08-24 22:36:18 · answer #2 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably feel as though you missed something in life. If you were unhappy and you did not cheat you did the right thing. You can still love her and love her for being your childs mother. Be civil and conciderate of one another in front of your child. It probably is a good thing for you two to have a break from one another to sort out some problems you two were facing. Some time alone has a person think if they are actually doing the right thing. You might and might not change your mind on going back with one another. I wish the best for you two and hope things work out the way you want them to.
2006-08-24 22:56:37 · answer #3 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just because the rush feeling is gone doesen't mean you don't love her or shouldn't be with her, that rush goes away for a reason, maybe so we focus on the other important parts of our relationship like how we get thru struggles together, and we ALL have struggles, You don't have to live on your own to mature, Everyone argues so it's not that you do that but HOW you do that, and being mean and disrespectful is not the correct way. So that needs to change. Go get some books and read them together about how to argue, or just agree to disagree, thats what I taught my kids to do. It works well for them. good luck and try to work it out if you have any feelings for her. I hated my EX and didn't miss him for one second when he left. So the fact that you miss her could mean something. Listen to your heart.
2006-08-24 22:41:43 · answer #4 · answered by openminded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In our society we spend alot of time talking about being "in love."
It makes it hard because what we don't spend alot of time doing is teaching people how to love.
Remember that love is a verb and that you must actively choose to love -- that is you both must do this.
Many of us do not learn about this and so we often lack the skills to keep our marriages and relationships alive. We forget how our experiences growing up can affect us.
I would suggest that before you call it quits, give it one last try with a program such as retrouvaille. My husband and I (married almost 18 years) did this recently and it has really helped.
I would also suggest reading something by Harville Hendrix and checking out Gary Chapman as well. I believe these all have very important information to contribute to you in your decision about your relationship.
best,
cez
2006-08-24 22:30:18 · answer #5 · answered by cezzium 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
splitting up with somebody you have been with for a long time is never easy. it hurts to think that you may have given it your 'all' and still it came up short. but that is life.
listen to your instincts. if you feel that you have made the right decision, then stand by that decision. life will go on. time will heal everything.
you may have parted ways with your partner, you must still maintain a relationship with her. after all, you are both parents to your daughter. be the best parents that you can be to your child :)
2006-08-24 22:38:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom went through the same situation with me. When they broke up she left my dad because he was afraid of her. It turned out she has a mental problem that she is recovering from. Not saying you have one! Anyways, so she was scared of my dad because of this and now the the supreme dumb@ssess court of brain @ss said i was not allowed to see her until i was 18. SO i haven't seen her now for 6 years, but i plan on seeing her in 4 years. I still talk to her over the phone and stuff. She is still recovering, she is taking medication for it. But someday. SHe must have been devestated not to be able to see me. But screw the supreme court of justice! They are all full of sh*t! They make all these frikin' laws that just makes life sh*t! I hate the judge who filed my parents divorce. He deserves to go to hell. I don't know what you could do but to keep a good relationship with your love. Otherwise she could file a restraining order against you and make you not be able to see your daughter and that would make you go crazy! So do whatever you can to have a friendship with her. Good luck!
2006-08-24 22:29:10 · answer #7 · answered by Brandon 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pray about it. He'll give you the right answer. But I can tell you that just because you miss her doesn't mean you made the wrong decision. You've been with her for a very long time so of course you're going to mourn. It gets better with time.
2006-08-24 22:23:07 · answer #8 · answered by piercedambition 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be honest just go with your heart..If you feel its the right decision then go with that. Just stay strong and be there for your child and follow your heart..Thats what I did in my situation like that and now I am better off.I just listened to my heart and not my head or my gut..Your heart will find your true love and your soul mate so if you listen it will guide you. Hope I could help.
2006-08-24 22:26:15 · answer #9 · answered by huesbestbunny 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you feel like you made a bad choice? It all depends on how you feel because you half to deal with your emotions
2006-08-28 19:34:43 · answer #10 · answered by marrissa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋