How can I convince my friend that life is not all about top education, top jobs?

Question

Hi, everyone. I am an Asian American college student. I need advice for my friend who is also Asian. He is feeling extremely depressed and suicidal from pressure to succeed in school and in getting top jobs.
FYI, most Asian parents put a lot of pressure on their children to do well academically because they believe it is sure key to success. The problem is that some parents put more pressure than their children can handle, hence making the children feeling depressed and even suicidal.
My friend comes from family where a lot of his family members, cousins, relatives have graduated from top-notch schools like Harvard, Yale, and Princeton and work as a Wall Street stockbroker, MD, lawyer, etc.
He says he often feels left alone because he is nowhere close to them in terms of the status. He is only going to State Univ. and doesn't have great GPA. He says he feels extreme mental tortures everyday and life doesn't seem like a life anymore.
How can I help him?

Answer 1

daaaaag....that succccks...OMG IF HES SUICIDAL....YOU SHOULD BE RIGHT BY HIS SIDE AND MAKE SURE HE DOESNT DO IT...THAT FRRIICCCKKIN CRAZY!!..take care of your friend instead of waiting on ppl to answer your question. it should come naturally to you...stick by him...cheer him up.

Answer 2

You proably won't be able to help him. I am a college student and I have come to realize most colleges won't allow you to have a GPA below 2.0 to graduate. Unless he is goind to do somtehing where GPA matters then why beat yourself up when the college allows for lower grades. I am a single parent who drive an hour commute to attend college classes, I am not worried about my GPA as long as I make it out with the degree in hand.

It is too bad that his family expects so much out of him that he is at this point, maybe you should sugget that he start living life for himself. Start having his grades mailed to him directly so that it is his own business and just tell everyone you did well. Your friend should seek help at this point. Use the school counceling services they see this more than you think.

Considering what maybe his ancestors have been through this is the reason for such high expectations throught the asisan population. Howver he needs to start living for himself only.

Answer 3

Hey maybe i can have an opinion or two about this. Coming from the same background, more or less, I sorta understand what's going on with your friend or you. What happened to me was, instead of being suicidal and what not, i became very rebellious and made a concerted effort to hurt them back. Not that I entirely screwed up my academic life cause i guess i was already born smart. At the end of the day, they gave up and settled for who I am. And to be honest, despite my flaws, I am still doing pretty alright.
Here's the deal, your friend, no matter cliche it may sound, needs to learn to take it easy. He's only got one damn short life, he gotta decide whether he's going to live it out pleasing people's expectations or wants or live it for him. Tell him at the end of the day that he's the only person (and probably God if he believes in him, if not forget about it) that has the ultimate right to put judgement on himself. What if he did get into the top schools and jobs and he's still not happy? I would say he's still not doing a good job living his life right. The reason that he didnt really get in the first place was probably because he didnt want it bad enough anyways. It's probably one of those elusive obvious.
He needs to understand where all our parental pressure came from, they came from the time of hardship and they dont want us to relive the same stuff. But hey, time is different for him, eventhough he goes to state schools, it wont make that much different. Besides, undergrad education is overrated anyways.
Although i totally understand that looking at your peers or relatives put a pressure like no other to become "like" them, tell your friend to succeed in life in his own style. At least it works for me, I look at my "more succesful peers/cousins" and say to myself i ll become more succesful than them in my own terms. It's always more fun living for yourself and doing things that you like anyways.

Answer 4

I have found that getting too good of grades can be detrimental based on the fact that it makes it look like all you do is study. If I were an employer I would probably hire the guy with the lower GPA because it shows me that he knows how to have fun and still get the job done.

Here is a question you can pose to him.

What do you call the guy who graduated med school with a 4.0 GPA? You call him doctor

What do you call the guy who graduated med school with a 2.2 GPA? You also call him doctor.

Grades are irrelevant in the real world.

Answer 5

Well, his family sounds like mine, my family most of them all have masters, phD, from well known school. Which puts pressure on me, I'm only in college, but hey maybe you can tell him that he should do whatever that makes him happy. My parents used to push me into studying and try to get into good school so I have good jobs, but north america don't really believe in that, they believe experience is far worth more than just the piece of paper you graduate with in school. You don't start from the top after you graduate from a well known school anyway, sure you may get a better position than the other people with lower education, but hey, everyone has to start off at the bottom when they get into the work force, then slowly build up the experience as you work your way up. I'm happy with what I do, my parents gave up on pushing me, they just said that I do whatever that makes me happy.

Answer 6

Does your friend like a challenge? Challenge him to take two months off of work and put his education to the test by living without any creature comforts and a bare minimum of cash. Bare essentials in a back pack, throw a dart at a map of the US, (no cell phn either), send him there as a starting point by bus. He must have no access to his bank account. Let him travel about, He must call you every two days for his next destination. He must carry a small video cam he can transmit his travels to you daily.(Any city's or town's Chamber of Commerce will help him with that part). He must find characters of all walks of life. And "interview" them, get to know them. He will find out what really is important in life. Guaranteed!

Answer 7

Encourage him to go into counseling. If you feel he is suicidal, talk with your parents or an adult, he needs help. I'll bet he is a wonderful person and a great friend. Let him know how much you admire the efforts that he makes and that there is much beauty in this world if he cares to start looking for that. He can offer much to this world that has nothing to do with academia, help him discover ways for him to do that.

Answer 8

some years ago, while i was still teaching law, one of my students, japanese by ancestry, made an appointment to see me during office hours. i assumed he wanted to discuss "the usual". instead this very topic was on his mind. he was a very artistically inclined young man who was required to attend a professional school by his ambitious parents and physician wife. law was selected. he really was very bright but was not interested in doing what i called hyper left brain study. this was first year, second semester, and he already had manifested some very serious physical symptoms due to the anxiety, conflict, etc. long story short- we discussed his situation on a number of occasions, and he decided to finish the semester, but not return in the fall. well, he did return in the fall, healthier from the summer off. but, by mid semester he was ill again and had to drop out. so, he utilized the socially acceptable mechanism of illness to avoid what he realized was not his path. it shouldn't have to come to that, he very well could have died in his early twenties. sometimes one must be courageous and stand up against family tyranny. one can look upon it as a test of integrity. be brave, be honest, and follow your own guidance. best of luck! ( my true calling has always been the esoteric, while teaching was something i was good at, and a means to earn a livlihood. so, esoterically, check out http://www.sahajayoga.com a good site for accessing, on line, highest quality ki/chi to help with relaxation.)

Answer 9

I am a failure in that respect. I would tell him that and say that if life is not about love, it is not about anything. Give up that materialistic bourgeoisie crap and be your happy self, not your good slave self. He should excuse himself for these mental tortures.

Yes, perhaps he could see a doctor. Perhaps he should change his education to something he really feels is good for people and himself.

Everyday is a new day with new possibilities for good and bad. Take time one day in one day as you live it.

A person may learn their limitations if they learn anything. I suffer blocks to my actions everyday of my life. I know it is difficult.

Answer 10

ummm well one has to eat, and also sleep somewhere. now lets see, you have the choice(another question b4 was about free will) and you have free will to choose whatever you want in life. Personally I would rather eat well, and live under a roof that doesnt leak that I own on my own, instead of a rent... and eating at McDonald's. But you decide, its your life

Answer 11

Show him a fews Chick Flick & take him out, like to resturaunts, or bowling & stuff. Make him have fun, then he'll want to have fun...ya know? Try the movie, thing...should work.