I have a friend who constantly obsesses about a guy that she used to be with in high school they had a son together and then he left her he didn't contact her until 8 yrs later and she decided to give him another chance and they had another child and she ended up leaving him again he has a really bad drug problem and she is so together in every way except when it comes to him he is like her weakness and i am really concerned bcause she is married now to a really great guy and she as been trying to find her ex she says just to make sure he is ok .. but if her husband found out he would leave and i know that's not what she wants i have tried to tell her to get over him but she tells me she can't that she loves hm and she feels it's unfairthat she can't be with him because she knows he is bad for her ? any advice???
2006-08-24 13:36:19 · 9 answers · asked by Muy Buena 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
do you think it was bcause when he leaves there is no closure for her .. i mean he just takes off and we don't hear from him he doesn't even call about the kids
2006-08-24 13:38:05 · update #1
Sounds to me like it is that she doesn't have any closure on it. He keeps leaving without saying goodbye then popping back up, so she doesn't have any closure and even if she finds some, she can't count on it staying that way. It's very very difficult to get over someone who won't stay out of your life. Sounds to me like she's expecting and maybe even hoping that he'll pop up again and when he isn't, she's feeling desperate to find him. Love often is an addiction, it really is a chemical reaction in the brain and people do get addicted to that "high", and it sounds like she's looking for that "fix". (let's just been there, done that and leave it at that) She needs to leave him be once and for all, but unfortunately that's a decision she has to come to on her own.
But how can you help her? Gosh, I don't know if there IS anything you can do. All she sees is that she needs to find him. Maybe try to make her see that if she finds this guy she'll ruin her marriage? Good luck with that.
2006-08-24 13:50:42 · answer #1 · answered by I'm just me 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes it is the closure thing. I have the same problem but I love my husband more. I didn't have a kid with the guy, and he was very good to me, but he wasn't the best for me. I was really close to his family and found out that his father died not to long ago. I want to know were he is buried, but can't get a hold of any of his boys.
2006-08-24 13:46:05 · answer #2 · answered by gin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she is probly hung up on the way things were not what they are now i've done that myself a few times but it's probly closure that she needs was he her first love or somthing then of course she could be missing somthings about him but not actually him maybe she's getting the two confused i had that problem also but then i figured out i needed closure , which somtimes never comes, just have her think about why they are not togther and maybe that will help meanwhile u have to just be there for her she'll have to make the choice to close the book on the past which is hard to do , but no one can make that choice for her good luck
2006-08-24 13:44:43 · answer #3 · answered by rachel m 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what is wrong with her but, I feel sorry for her. Good men are very hard to find so if she has a good husband why is she looking? Perhaps the husband isnt that good after all? I think she needs to see a therapist and find out why she is obsessed with a loser?
2006-08-24 15:05:07 · answer #4 · answered by cee cee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she is NUTS! Maybe she likes the attention. I do know that she is going to loose a great guy! There aren't to many guys that a woman with 2 kids.
2006-08-24 13:43:34 · answer #5 · answered by whataboutme 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"do you think it was bcause when he leaves there is no closure for her"
Isn't she responsible for her own closure?
maybe she doesn't want closure... doesn't look like it to me.
(I don't have enough information tho)
what is wrong with her????
I don't know that it is 'Wrong' for her... ...looks like that is what she wants to me.
I believe her going to couseling would help. May not help her if she really want to keep loosing instead of going on with her life.
--------------
As for me, "i'm going to believe my (fantasy) world and you can't stop me." "in my (fantasy) world I can fly" "in my (fantasy) world I'm always right"
---------------
I've seen people die a 'natural death' in their 80's and 90's and have never left their fantasy world.
I guess they didn't want to.
Good luck.
2006-08-25 09:42:58 · answer #6 · answered by DM 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to see a councilor immediately. She relishes emotional abuse and is not happy or satisfied with a normal relationship. She needs help dealing with her self destructive actions. Now, before she ruins her children's lives further - not to mention her own.
2006-08-24 13:55:38 · answer #7 · answered by stealm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
advice to you: please use punctuation, that was a b*tch to read in one breath...
advice to her: get over the ex before she screws up her marriage
2006-08-24 13:39:45 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think she loves him
2006-08-24 14:46:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋