don't change she'll thank you later
2006-08-24 11:19:34
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answer #1
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answered by pussykat.1983 2
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Do you really not trust her or does she just think it. At 14, they think they know everything and are very worldly, but they aren't.
Keep on your daughter, let her know you love her, and tell her you trust her (provided you do) but try to explain to her that she does not know as much as she thinks she does. And you want to make try and make sure that nothing bad happens to her.
I found that car time is good talk time, don't make it sound like an inquisition but ask her how life is going? Any special guys in her life? New friends? What she likes and doesn't like. College plans? Career plans? Dream vacations? Keep it light, don't lecture. From there real talking will evolve.
Here is a hint, if you get the opportunity to drive her and her friends around, do it, but don't interject into the conversation, just listen. But don't act like you are. You would be surprised how much you can learn by being 'invisible'.
2006-08-24 11:25:23
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answer #2
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answered by Anonymous
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Honey- Welcome to the club the mother of a teenage girl. The trick is to let her start making SOME of her own choices now (if you don't she will take them behind your back and feel like she can't come to you when she has messed up). If she makes some small mistakes at least you will be there to help her through. You still have to stand firm on the things that can really hurt her though. She may hate you for it now but she will love you for it later. My son is 18 now and has started to realize why I had some of the rules I had. He has seen some of his friends whose parents weren't so strick and he sees how their lives are in comparison to his. My daughter is 15 now and I am raising her the same. Her favorite things to say is Well (insert any friend's name)s mom let's her (insert bad bahavior) I say well that is her mothers choice but I for one love you enough to not want to you (insert the natural consequences for that behavior). The trick is if there are no natural consequences then maybe you are being too strict. Sorry mom she is growing up and she will need to know how to make her own decisions very soon. It is your job to teach her and to teach her about what happens when you make a mistake and how to get past that. As for the internet get a filter.
2006-08-24 11:37:16
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answer #3
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answered by Suesan W 4
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A: It goes with the age territory she is in. She is an adolescent, pushing the bounds, trying to be an adult, and of course not understanding that with freedom comes responsibility.
Of course you love her, and deep down she knows that.
But she also knows how to push all your buttons.
Ask yourself why she thinks you don't listen to her to start with? Do you let her have her talk herself out before you jump in to help. Kids want to be listened to and feel that they are understood as persons. When parents jump in to fix everything it just confirms to the child that the parent isn't listening. So if that is the case, when she wants to talk about something you do, find a quiet and neutral place where you can have a good solid open block of time. Pick one topic and if either of you get off it, keep working at going back to the topic at hand.
Let her help decide what limitations she thinks are fair and work up a guide together that all of you can agree on. Make consequences for failure to live up to the bargain, and rewards for living up to the bargain.
What kind of kid is she? Does she have a lot of friends? Is she dreamy and romantic? Is she brash and modern and bold and in your face? Try to understand her and what makes her tick.
There is a book called The Five Love Languages or the Five Languages of Love, that helps us understand that love translates out differently to different people. That might help.
There is another book called Boundaries, and before you do anything, I recommend finding and reading that book. It would help you and her in negotiating the waters you're in.
But remember, a lot of what she says may just be to manipulate you. You have to know her well enough to when she's using this litany of your offences for that purpose. And that's why a contract between you of limitations, of boundaries, and of freedoms, would, I think, help you both.
2006-08-24 11:29:04
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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Just hold on! Don't take anything she says to heart..as it's flooded with hormones. Not to mention her brain is just starting to 'fit' in the skull. This idea has been on the edge of medicine and science. The fact that the brain is now not 'floating' as it once was in childhood, teenagers are experiencing the new sensation (but correct amount) of cranial pressure on the brain. It's what helps the synapses of logic/reason to connect to emotions. Little kids usually do things out of emotion, and we teach them as such. We show our intense displeasure at a poor choice. This teaches them that "particular" action is wrong due to the emotion they felt when we as parents displeased. As a child ages into being a teenager, we keep teaching in this manner- which doesn't help their logic growth, but an intense feeling of rejection from a parent. Use logic, and explain "If I fill this cup with milk, then I lift the table, what do you think will happen next?" Of course your child will come to the correct conclusion, maybe even a few different ones! Try to give some scenarios of "If I drink a 6 pack of beer, then get into a car and drive somewhere, what do you think will happen next? How do you think I can avoid an accident?" try lots of scenarios. "A boy and a girl of 16 stand in front of a bar bell, who can lift more? Who is stronger?" things to think about.
2006-08-24 11:27:17
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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Hello! I am going thru the same thing right now with my 14 year old. I would just say hang in there, She will thank you in the end.If you do not want her on the internet when you are not home than set her to where she can not access it. Tough Love is the best. It makes them all stronger!Keep showing her that you love her and make sure you tell her as often as you can!
Good Luck!
2006-08-24 11:24:17
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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I'm 16 and I feel the same way about my dad, who I live with. You shouldn't have a reason to not trust her, unless she's done something to make you not trust her. Even so, there's always forgiveness. Everyone makes mistakes. Part of growing up is learning from your mistakes and learning how to fix them. If you treat your daughter like she's 5, then she's never going to have the skills she needs for life.
Let her do her own thing, and she how she does. My dad trusts me and I have yet to prove him wrong. Kids are always going to get into trouble, but with your GUIDANCE, she should be fine. So let her go, and see what happens ^_^
2006-08-24 11:21:53
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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been there, done that. If she HAS lied to you then you have the right not to trust her. She needs to prove to you that you CAN trust her. Be nosey, watch what she does and who she hangs with. Give her curfews and if she doesn't stick to them ground her. If she gets in with the wrong crowd you will have your hands full. My daughter went wild at that age and spent most of her teen years on probation or in a treatment facility. It's a long road but stick to your guns and it will be fine. She will probably hate you for awhile but deep inside hopefully ,she will realize you were doing what was best for her and eventually thank you for it.
Good luck to you .make sure you ALWAYS tell her you love her no matter how mad she gets at you.always tell her that even when you turn her in for something she does illegally. (hope she doesn't though) good luck
2006-08-24 11:27:57
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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I had a really bad relationship with my Mom at that age... and I still do. She didn't come to either one of my weddings. The reason I am telling you this is because I can relate to just wanting a Mommy. In so many ways its not what you say but how you say it to Her. I am sure She feels all grown up- so She doesn't want you bossing Her around, so may be just approach things differently with her. DON'T BOSS HER, rather talk to Her about things, if you can treat Her like she is not a baby She will probably like it better. Plus, don't beat yourself up over it, I can assure you the fact that you care at all means something to Her, deep inside She knows that. Just remember too that Shes at a hard age, She will outgrow it to, just BE THERE FOR HER.... I promise every girl wants her Mom in Her life, I miss mine every day
Best Wishes!
2006-08-24 11:26:37
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answer #9
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answered by kctruckdeals 2
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Sigh!! Welcome to the world of teen's!!! They know everything about absolutely nothing. At least in their minds they do - we didn't get our age by being stupid. Even though they think we are. All I have ever done is let them "vent their spleen" and since their names are not printed on my checking account - I RULE. Of course you love her - she knows it too - don't let her fool you. It's just that it seems when they hit 14, 15, 16, 17 they are strutting their stuff - also - you have to remember what you were like at that age. Sorta helped me out - I have 28, 21, 15 and 14. Hang in there Mom - let her grump - only YOU know what's best and stick to it no matter what. Semper Fi
2006-08-24 11:30:52
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answer #10
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answered by Marine Mom 2
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Do some mother and daughter things together like shopping at the mall, eating out together, and let her know that you love her but like all good moms, you worry.
If you are open and honest with her, she'll reciprocate.
2006-08-24 11:24:35
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answer #11
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answered by Angela 7
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