One week ago, I found out my husband was emotionally involved with another woman...actually his first girlfriend who lives in another state. He had confessed to this same thing 1.5 years ago, and I forgave him on the spot, and he said it was over. Well, I found out that it was not over, and that they had been exchanging sexually explicit emails and he had pics of her on his phone. We have a 9mo. old son. During this time, he hasnt been there emotionally for me or really there at all for the baby. It was a fight to get him to take care of the son that HE wanted.
Trouble is, now he is doing everything right now- taking care of the baby, doing nice things for me, etc. I am really confused. I asked him to move out for at least a week to give me some space to get my head right. When I am not around him, i am so sad and upset that I feel sick, but when I get home around him, things just feel normal. I am so confused!
What do you think?
2006-08-24 11:08:08 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has said that he is done with her, and that he will change his phone number within the next few days.
2006-08-24 11:24:08 · update #1
I found out because he sat me down and said he had "a confession to make."
2006-08-24 11:25:12 · update #2
I do understand how much you hurt. I am ending a 20-year marriage due to her chronic infidelity and substance abuse (and worse).
Honestly, I think you set yourself up for this. You "forgave him on the spot", you said. I'm not saying that you should have punished him, but he didn't have to earn his way back into the relationship. You just caved, effectively. So, why wouldn't he do it again.
He needs to take ownership of his behavior. He needs to acknowledge that he is wrong. And, he needs to be willing to do whatever you need of him to re-earn your trust.
Given that you have a child now, I think you should try to work it out one more time. I don't think you can do it alone. Please see a marriage/relationship counselor.
2006-08-24 11:10:34 · answer #1 · answered by Otis F 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Give him a chance. It is all new and sounds like he is so attatched to you and his child. But the first thing I would do if I were his wife , is find out where this so called other woman lives, drive there. You said she lives in another state. If you can't travel there then get ahold of her and let her know that you and your man are happily married and from now on you want her to bow out. Tell her you have a child and your husband needs to be there for you and your family does not need her interference. Tell your husband that if he continues , you will take your son and that will be it. Why is he being so responsible now ? Do you suppose she ditched him. I would also tell him, if he does it one more time, that will be the last. You don't have to play second fiddle to him and tell him, there are other fish in the ocean. Good Luck
2006-08-24 18:23:05 · answer #2 · answered by Norskeyenta 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have been divorced twice so it's up to u if u take my advice, i had a husband that used to write sex emails to other girls ,we also have a son he'll be 19 months old the27 th of this month however my ex never wanted any kids so i was not surprised when he took no interest in him , we seperated for a few months before getting married anyway he would tell me when i asked about this sex emails he was just playing around nothing serious ,so i took it at face value ,then the next time he wrote one of those emails we were married ,but i think emotional cheating is worse then physical because physical only lasts a short time but emotional lasts forever around that time we started having even more problems , but if u think u can really forgive him again then go ahead but sooner are latter sorry will get old the actual meaning of sorry is a applogy or a promise u make not to do it again , if it works it's ok but when they do it over again the only thing they are sorry about getting caught i think u should try the seperation thing out that way u have real time to think about it, then in a month or so u will know if u want to be with him or not, good luck
2006-08-24 20:15:25 · answer #3 · answered by rachel m 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No divorce. I am sick of the "go ahead" advice. You two need to get what means the most to you on the top of your list and MAKE IT WORK.
Too many people these days walk out of marriages when the going gets tough. He needs a good butt whoopin and set straight. Give him the ultimatum. He is TO STOP this behavior and step up to the plate as husband and father. You are to not feel sorry for yourself and take charge of your life.
Go to counseling and make your marriage work if you really love him and your marriage vows meant anything to you. I hope I don't sound too harsh. Tone is hard to determine here. Just think of me as an old friend giving it to you like it is! :) God Bless ya!
2006-08-24 18:25:55 · answer #4 · answered by Carrie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your letting him call the shots. Your being the nice lil wifey that stays home to take care of the baby, yet he's free to fool around with this homewrecker in another state. You need to put your foot down. Seems like you really love him, you want it to work, but he's only available for his convenience. Screw him, teach him a lesson. You need to look out for your babies sake. Yes your child is only 9 months, but your baby can tell when your not happy. You don't sound happy at all. I don't think anyone diserves to live unhappy.Life is too short to be mad or sad about how your leading your life. Take control of your life and make a decision. Is it worth having him around?? Yes you had something good in the past, but is it a good thing to stay in this relationship?
2006-08-24 18:15:51 · answer #5 · answered by Noah's Mommy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Only you know if you are ready for a big"d". My best advice to sit down and evaluate the pro's and cons. Is what he is bringing to the marriage worth hollding to and fighting for or is it not worth the heartache. Which feels more right to you? Children are more miserable in a home with parents who are troubled and fighting all the time than a split family that has two happy parents that live apart.
2006-08-24 18:15:20 · answer #6 · answered by Missy 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have to find out who you are. A man does not make or break you. Life is to short to play around with someone who wants to be with you one day and not the next.I've been there.Think about your child he deserves both parents but most of all love and time.And you can give him both.Talk to your husband and seek counseling he have to change to get you all back on track.Don't lose yourself for him.If he loves you he will cut her off.
2006-08-24 18:20:11 · answer #7 · answered by missmadhatter 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a decision that has to be made by you and only you. I am not married yet but I will be in about 23 days. I have been told by many that marriage is a lot of hard work and it is not easy but you have to work through the tough times. When you took your vows you meant for them to last forever, didnt you? Stay true to your vows so that you would not have broken the promise that you made before God to God. As for your husband he will have to answer for his broken promise on judgement day.
2006-08-24 19:24:51 · answer #8 · answered by wannaseeprettypnk 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why would you give up a good man to someone a state away? Fight for your man! Treat him like a king! Cuddle and kiss him, fawn all over him, cook like Martha Stewart and screw like a porn star. He'll forget about his old girlfriend pretty quick when he sees what he has at home!
2006-08-24 18:15:24 · answer #9 · answered by shomechely 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make sure you sit down and talk with him. have someone watch your baby for the night and the two of you go out to Dinner and talk.If he continues to talk with her than I would tell him that he needs to choose ... His Family or the old girlfriend..... I know it sounds harsh but if he can not be ther for you emotionally than why have him there. I have been there and done that.
Good Luck! I hope everything works out for the best for you and your Family.
2006-08-24 18:13:55 · answer #10 · answered by Stephanie M 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋