what do you think of my poem, all opinions welcome?

Question

Its a lonely walk on hills high
where nobody needs to go but I.
Out here a peace prevails
all is fresh and new and ever changing
within the sands of time.
No boundries are made here by the hands of mankind
Out here and in the depths of my mind.

Its a lonely walk on hills high,
where nobody needs to go but I,

I stand before this open vastness
awake and alive and open eyed.
The clouds stare back at me,
like massive changing faces
bearing tidings of the many lives.
All our we, written on this earth,
out here and in the depths of our minds.

Answer 1

I really like it.
Where I live I look out of my front bedroom window and I can see the sea, I look out of the back and I see hills. If I feel stressed I only have to walk for 5 Min's and I am either on the beach or up a hill.
Both could be a million miles away from anyone.

Bliss.

It puts everything in perspective and makes you appreciate things more. Everyone one should learn how to take time out from civilisation even if it only for half hour ever now and again.

Answer 2

It reads more like lyrics than a poem. I don't like the way that you've manipulated the word order to get the lines to rhyme ["but I"] - it strikes me as a bit archaic - too much like Victorian ballad poetry. What is it actually about? You don't seem to have a particular idea or metaphor in mind.
On the other hand, I like your simile "like massive changing faces".
I assume that "all our we" is a typo?
It's not too bad, but I'd give it a bit more thought - especially about what exactly it is that you're trying to say.

Answer 3

Wonderful my dear boy ! Indeed , you have a life of poetry that awaits you. Sensitive eloquent prose , lead by its dramatic storyline . I would say that you are indeed one of the finest Poets i have yet to read . Mark my words boy , you are certainly earmarked in the closed world of the London poets . I bid you farewell my friend and shall await your performance most probably on the stages of the West end .

Answer 4

I love it, It is very good, one you would expect to see in a good poetry book. For me it tells a story of someone who's lonely that has a place in his mind to escape all the hustle and bustle of this world and finds peace & tranquillity whilst remembering the wonders of life! ......looking forward to the next one! Well done.

Answer 5

It's really good. You have 2 "here" in the line where it starts of with, "No boundaries....." If I am a creative writing teacher, I would have given you an -A. Well written.

Answer 6

For years and years audiences have been conditioned by using Hollywood to think of of vampires as predominantly male. examining your poem from that attitude, the ending is an unpredicted efficient marvel! Very accurately titled, too. sturdy artwork. (the only replace i might make is "woe" to "woo")

Answer 7

Not bad, but your grammar needs some attention: have you thought of joining one of the poetry sites? If you need to practice some poetic forms, go to "Shadow Poetry" for a plethora of choice.

Answer 8

Really sentimental and intropecting, ery nice, copyright it, f ind a publisher and I hope to see it on the tube some day!

Answer 9

good again but state in present or past not both, ur context is out, id grade u a c just for that xxxxxxxx well done again for opening yourself up, if you could grasp context your on a winner

Answer 10

I like it!

I thought of mountain passes and lonely trecking cross country whilst clearing my mind.

Which I assume is it's purpose, if it has one.