Should I tell my wife?

Question

Help!
I have a huge problem. I recently stumbled upon some information that I wish I didn’t possess.
My sister-in-law and her boyfriend are living with us. They’ve been together for about 5 years and have a 3 yr old child between them.
The other day I came home from work early and he was using the computer. He seemed a little startled and at the time I didn’t think much of it.
I thought about it that night and the next day looked at the internet history. Yep, you guessed it. He’s visiting and signed up to many sites, looking for dates. One link took me to his “profile” on a site which listed his desires for women and his ability to satisfy them with his “well-hung-ness”.
I plan to talk to my wife tonight about this. She’s my best friend and I can tell her anything but, this one’s going to sting.
My question is….. do I reveal what I know… or do I forget I saw it?
Telling the secret will probably break them up.
Help… what should I do?

Great answers! Thank you all! To add to it.. he's completely unmotivated and a recreational marijuana user. Has no problem letting my sister-in-law work for the family, but he's a great dad to my nephew. I guess it isn't my place to decide to stay with him but I think it's my place to make sure my family (sis in law) has all the info available to make an informed decision. That's what sucks! Some of you are right on... I'll take my wife out of town tomorrow and figure out a way to tell her. That could give her time to formulate her thoughts. As for needing to show my wife the sites... she trusts me and knows if I said it was true, it is. But I'll save a page of the site just in case. Thank you all.

Answer 1

I would talk to him first, My husband is also my best friend. SO I understand your delma. But he could just be looking for someone online to boost his ego, not really do anything wrong.

Answer 2

If your wife is your best-friend then you should definitely tell her. This is her sister we are talking about.

Once you have told her and showed her the evidence then you should both tell her sister together and shoe her the proof.

She needs to start by telling her sister how much she loves her, and respects her, and make it clear that she would never do anything intentionally to hurt her.

Tell her to make it clear that the information that she came across could not be overlooked. Because in the long run it would hurt her alot worse.

Her sister needs to know what a slime ball her boyfriend is. So she can kick him to the curb.

I wouldn't worry if it broke them up. In fact you may be stopping her from making a huge mistake like marriage to this guy.

Because if he is going on line looking to hook up with other girls now imagine what it would be like if and when she marries him. She'll have one heartache after another. You can stop that from happening right now.

She doesn't need a lazy, doped out boyfriend who screws around on her while she is out trying to provide for her kid. Let alone another financial burden like him.

She needs a real man!!!! Someone who will work and think of her and her kid.

Sounds like to me she has a good head on her shoulders. She doesn't need him to drag her down.

You say he is a good dad. That is great. He can still be a good dad without your sister-in-law.

I'm glad he is a good dad but I wonder how long that will last if he keeps up his slime ball ways.

He already doesn't work. He smoking dope alot. Writing or even talking with other women on-line or over the phone.

Eventually the dope and women will consume all his time. Dope isn't harmless when it is being abused. It will take it's toll on him eventually.

I should know. My ex-husband was addicted to dope. At first it wasn't so bad. The more addicted he got the worse things got.

Then money started diappearing, he was leaving more and more and the good dad that he once was disappeared. Eventually he could think of nothing more than getting high and staying high.

So my advice is tell your wife. Then together tell your sister-in-law. The sooner she gets rid of this loser the better. There is someone out there worthy of her and it clearly isn't this guy. She deserves better.

I wish you good luck....

Answer 3

Wow, that is a problem!

Consider carefully what would happen if you DIDN'T tell your wife and she found out you knew and didn't tell. Or, if she found that stuff on the computer and thought it was YOU with the well-hung profile?

Can you talk to the boyfriend? Get him to stop surfing? It's kind of disrespectful that he's living in your house with your sister in law and nephew and using YOUR electricity to hook up on line. Is he otherwise a good boyfriend? Does he work and provide for your sister in law or his he just free loading?

I think you should tell your wife. Privately. Like while you two are hundreds of miles away from your sister in law and the boyfriend so she doesn't go ballistic.

Answer 4

You should talk to your wife. Honesty in a relationship is important and should not be compromised because it will "sting". Your brother in law is wrong and your wife will want to protect her sister. If it comes out later that you knew (and it will, secrets have a way of getting out), you could damage your relationship.

Answer 5

You're wife is everything. Not just your best friend, but your partner in life. And she deserves to know what your know because you are now one. Show her your evidences. Its going to hurt everyone. Talk to her about what to do, what to expect, should you both tell your sister-in-law or just let it go for the child's sake. It'll be both your decision.

Answer 6

talk to your wife and see what she would suggest...it's her blood family and she may know of a way to approach the situation better. Regardless if it will break them up or not, he is a dog for being on that site! if they are married or in a committed relationship then he shouldn't be on any dating site. Regardless if he is doing it to stroke his ego, he shouldn't be doing it!

Answer 7

Issue number 1, has nothing to do with his cheating, it has to do with him living in your house and breaking the law.... As a law breaker he can't possibly be a good parent to you nephew, unless you want your nephew to grow up in that atmosphere. I wouldn't loose one minutes sleep over telling him to get his sorry a.s.s. out of my house. How many of those sites were teen porn sites? Who is going to jail when they follow the IP address to your computer in your house? A dope head and a lazy bum too! Put him in the street and if your sister in law has an issue with that send her with him........

Answer 8

Oh guuud, why is it so hard to MYOB? Your sister-in-law probably knows already that her b/f is a jerk, but for whatever reason she chooses to stay with him. Why do you have to meddle in their affairs? But yeah, now that you know, you can't keep it to yourself; you should certainly tell your wife, and let her handle it from there.

Answer 9

if this man was doing this, he and his wife deserve to be broken up. however hard it may be for everyone involved, it must be done. tell your wife; she will be able to tell her sister better than you could. im sorry that you are being put in this position, but youre doing the right thing.

Answer 10

I'd talk to the guy himself and say that what he's doing is a big mistake. If he's going to cheat on his girlfriend, he ought to be honest with her. She deserves better than a cheat.

And yes, talk to your wife.