My daughter, who is 18, has taken off with her boyfriend out of state. She was suppose to start college. Help?

Question

She left without saying good bye, or even letting us know she was going. I've tried calling her on his cell phone, but no response. His parents helped them move - they are the ones who told us they had moved. This is after we called them. The whole situation is upsetting. I don't know what to do. I thought we had a good relationship, but apparently I am wrong, since she refuses to speak with us. Any advice??

Answer 1

Yes...just wait. Remember when you were 18, or at least when you found your first love. She's still just a kid (in many ways) but she's trying to be her own person, and an adult. First and foremost, be thankful that she's safe. Secondly, take a few deep breaths. Don't stress over things you can't control. This is not the end of the world. I know you want her to start college and I'm sure she wanted to as well, but she may not be ready right this minute.

I'm sure your relationship with her IS a good one, but she knows you're disappointed and she knew you wouldn't approve, or she wouldn't have sneaked off this way. Give it a little time. She's not going to disown her family on the spur of the moment. She'll be in a new state with no friends or family, and she will miss you. She'll call. For now, when you speak to his parents, ask them to tell her that you love her and you're worried, and you're not angry with her but you want her to call you. It will take her some time to work up the courage, but she will. When she does, just be careful not to be harsh or she'll regret calling.

I'm betting she'll be home after a while. College isn't going anywhere and there is no specific time limit for someone to attend, so try not to panic about that. Hang in there. It will all work out for the best.

Answer 2

Unfortunately she is 18 so there isn't anything much you can do. She thinks she is in love, once she gets a handle on the real world she'll be calling you, what you need to decide is what you do then. It is awful that you can devote your life to this person and then they meet some guy and you suddenly don't count anymore. She'll learn though, I mean really what are the chances that this relationship turns out the way an 18 year old thinks it will?

Answer 3

Well this is a very hard situation. She is 18 and there is not much you can do when it comes to tracking her down and brining her home because of her age. I would have to say if I were you I would let her grow up the hard way and learn from her mistakes, this is'nt alway the easiest thing to do but she has made her bed now she can lay in it....if she want to be a grown up and thinks that this is the way to go about it...well then so be it.....she just needs to know that you are not going to bail her out when it does not work......I myself was unrully when I was that age.....my parents did all that they could do for me to keep me on the right track until they ended up kicking me out, in the end I wound up making allot of mistakes that my parents would not help me out of and there were just as many that they did not no about...morrel of the story....what brought me back around was having the morrels that my parents tought me always in the back of my head screaming at me do this dont do that, maybe I didnt listen to them all the time but they were always there. Now this is your chance to see how she is going to handle herself....so she is rebelous....this is ok.....so she didnt tell you about leaving.....not ok, but what really can you do....you just have to let her grow up and spread her wings and hope that you gave her all the nessesary tools to get her by in life.......I am sure you did your best, so dont be so hard on yourself...college isnt going anywhere..it will be there for her when she is ready and trust me she will be back....how many first loves actually last......not many that is why they call them first loves......so hang in there Mom.......it will all work out for the best.......and keep your chin up....it will be ok.

Answer 4

We all want the best for our children but sometimes we just have to step back and realize that they have to make their own choices. I know it is hard but, bottom line...there is nothing you can do except to (when you are able to speak with her) tell her that you only want the best for her but if this is what she truly wants then you will stand behind her...never know ...she may realize that she may have made a mistake and see things differently after being out and about in the real world...or maybe not, but after all, they have to make their own choices, some good, some bad...this is how we learn.
Was she pressured into going on to school....it may just not be for her and she may have just went along with the idea ...just to please you?? Been there. Best of luck!

Answer 5

Well, you reach out kindly, when you get the opportunity......

Feel your feelings. Pray for guidance. Let go.....

You can't live her life for her, but you can be there for her if and when she needs your support.

Though, you are not obligated to support a situation you have logical reasons to be against.

Remember letting go of her bike for the first time?
Well, you just watch and hope she doesn't crash.
If she gets hurt, you offer emotional support.

College can wait..... it will still be there.

When life doesn't go the way YOU plan, it is because GOD has better ideas.

Challenges bring out the best in people.

Answer 6

well how wrong you are, amazing that his parents helped them to move, obviously she trusts them more than you..Ask yourself why???and oh by the way shes 18 so old enought to make her own decisions without reference to you or anyone else. I admire her courage you obviously made her life a misery. And by the way im not a kid i am a 52 year old father of 22 yr old daughter who has never felt the need to run away

Answer 7

If his parents help them move then thy know where she is get them to tell you, if thy do not at least get them to keep you informed as to how thy are and to let you know she is safe, and ask them to pass on to her how you feel about her and to let her know she all ways has a place with you, if she wants to come home. and remember her boyfriend might come to so if you want her back you cant keep him out. and try to get them to convince her that school is the best option. after that all you can do is pray that his parents do the right thing, and that she will do the right thing. but don't leave it up to just his parents, try all her friends and ask them to do the same thing for you, and asked them to talk on your behalf. someday if you have been a good mother she will return.

Answer 8

I know it's hard, but you have to accept that she is now considered an adult and can do whatever she wants, regardless of your opinion. I have a sister that's three years younger than me that none of has seen for almost twenty years...all because she hooked up with a married guy (w/6 kids) and wound up moving in with him. The whole family disapproved and she decided she would never have anything to do with us again.

Answer 9

My daughter ran away at 18 too. After she saw the cruel reality she came back. They tend to learn which side their bread is buttered on. I hope you had a happy home, but there has to be a reason for her running, my daughter just wanted to get rid of what she called the bossy me.

Answer 10

well im 17 and my parents would kill me if i ever did something like that, i guess she says since shes 18 she can do what ever she wants, let her go ahead out there and live in the real world, trust me she will be crawling back to you, i have many friends who has done the exact same thing, until they learned that they were taking the wrong route, she will learn from her mistakes.