Crumbled
I love you too much to let you go,
But there is no way to stop the way of the world.
It will never be the same,
No matter how much we say we can move on.
You will stay in my memory and in my heart,
Burned there with my tears and sorrow.
My life has gone from great to depressing,
My world crumpled into ruin by your leaving.
You were my friend, my confidant,
I imagined all but you leaving and never coming back.
I loved you and took it for granted,
Now every word and encounter is precious.
The clock ticks until we say good-bye,
And I cry at the thought.
Of all our lives crumpled,
We were the world to each other.
The dreaded time will come,
When all our horrors come true.
Our friendship forever is tested,
Our hearts, souls, and lives are crumbled.
We will no longer see each other all the time,
Can no longer just fool around.
How will I know if you get into that school,
Or make that team?
This one event has brought far too many tears,
The crumbling is too much.
I must try to be strong, for you, for me,
As all our lives are torn apart from one another.
2006-08-24 10:22:47 · 7 answers · asked by ~S~ is for Stephanie! 6 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
yeah, it's cool
2006-08-24 10:27:54 · answer #1 · answered by papiloghost 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good job putting thoughts into words. Good job trying to explain the hurt and pain.
Now, from a structure perspective... try to get it to flow, read it out loud and see if it flows easy... re-write as necessary.
This sounds like a high school relationship being distrubed by college and such. I'm not making light of the emotions. Speaking from experience, the time you had is good, there is more good stuff to come. Enjoy the moments and live.
Best of luck. If I'm off base, let me know.
2006-08-24 18:02:42 · answer #2 · answered by calmman7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Again, someone has peddled a lot of crap with no poetic meter or rhythm, used no rules and tried to pass it off as poetry. Try again after reading some poetry that works and then revise.
2006-08-26 10:56:50 · answer #3 · answered by rhymer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's powerful. That's probably how someone would feel when they're torn away from their friend. That's called true friendship.
2006-08-24 17:36:14 · answer #4 · answered by Jazzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very powerful and very moving. I would try to see about getting this published.
2006-08-24 17:28:31 · answer #5 · answered by chrstnwrtr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its reallygood words!! but it doesnt flow. keep writing. ur hecka good
2006-08-24 17:38:40 · answer #6 · answered by kendall 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, if you keep posting it, it will not get any better.
2006-08-24 21:20:13 · answer #7 · answered by brandylita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋