How should I tell my bitter mother that we are having a baby?

Question

My wife and I are planning on conceving our first child soon.

We have not told anyone in my family because of my mother.

She does not like my wife because she "took me away" from her.

My mother is nearly 50 and has no boyfriend and no life of her own.

I am her only child so she is really weird about me having my own family.

I have been with my wife for 5 years and I know my mom will not be happy when we have a baby.

I want to tell her in person along with my wife when we are expecting.

I want to tell her in front of the whole family so she can't say something stupid and hurt our feelings.

What would be a good thing to do to tell her at a family event?

Answer 1

My husband and I had the same problem when we had our son. Its like our situation is alike in every way. My mother in law hates me because i took her baby boy away from her. We had been married for 4 years and we got pregnant. I was so excited and did not look forward to telling her at all. But if we told anyone else before her then we would have suffered the consequences. So we went to her house and sat down and told her. She stared crying and accused me getting pregnant to try to trap my husband. She called me a slut and said that I would be a terrible mother. She was trying to upset me in every way. She got down on her knees and begged my husband to leave me. I was more upset that I have ever been in my life. So if I were you, I would tell her over the phone. If she does not respect you and your wife enough to treat your wife like a part of the family then she is only worthy of the phone call. If she is anything like my mother in law then keep your wife away from her. She has made my life a living hell since I had my little boy. I hope your mother is not as bad as my mother in law. Good luck and congrats on the baby.

Answer 2

I am so sorry that you feel your mother wouldn't be happy for you. This should be a time of joy and happiness. I don't know your mother, but maybe telling her with others is the best way to go. Then maybe since the rest of the people would be happy (I assume) it would rub off on her. Maybe since your mom has no life of her own you could include her in some baby things that both you and your wife feel good about including her in. I would for sure wait until you are expecting to tell her.

If you are sure she will say something stupid or mean to hurt you, at least you know her well enough to be prepared for her to do that. I have a family member like that who always says the wrong thing. But I try not to take it personal. Good luck to both you and your wife. I hope that when your mother sees her grandbaby, that will give her a reason to be happier.

Answer 3

Maybe you should tell her of your plans before the conception - you and your wife will be less likely to take whatever she has to say to heart when you're not pregnant yet. Listen to what she has to say and then go on with what you want to do. You can't live for your mom and it sounds like you've more than taken her feelings into consideration. Good luck and no matter what have your babies and enjoy them

Answer 4

wow that is a hard situation your mom prolly feels like you are the only person she has that loves her for her i would definitely sit down with her and explain that no matter what happens you will always be her child and that you will always love her but if she keeps on with the way she is acting towards your wife that things are gonna get worst. explain to her that she is gaining a grandchild not losing a son tell her that the new baby would just be another person t love her as much and u and Ur wife just but definitely sit down with her alone and explain this to her it seems as if you to need some time to talk good luck

Answer 5

The next time you have a family get together announce that you and your wife are planning to start a family soon. If she is not happy about it there is nothing you can do. I do believe that once you both have your baby that grandma will come around!

Answer 6

To tell you the truth, it doesn't matter where you tell her or how many people are around. if she is bitter, and upset with you having a baby, she will let you know it at some time, whether that is sooner or later.

If she says anything nasty, tell her that you are a grown up, ready to start your own family, and if she wants anything to do with you or your family, she needs to be happy for you, or at the least needs to keep negative comments to herself.

Stress is not good for pregnant women, and if you have a rocky relationship with your mom always nagging and harping on you, that will be sure to stress out your wife.

Answer 7

At the dinner table with other people, wait for someone to ask you, "So how have you and (your wife) been?" Then say, "Well, actually, we have some news. Everybody, listen up! We are switching to satellite dish instead of cable!!"

Then say, "Oh, yeah - and we're having a baby."


Honestly, man. If you and your wife have been together 5 years, it's your life. It sucks that your mom can't be happy for you, but that can't be the most important thing on your mind right now. Congratulations.

Answer 8

try inviting family members over to your house for a get-together, you can barbecue or something. then during dinner or during drinks and conversation you can make the announcement that you are trying to have a baby. when everyone else will be happy and excited for you, i'm sure your mother won't be able to say anything mean or hurtful without someone calling her on it. i don't think she would go as far as to say something in front of everyone. good luck, don't let anyone ruin what will be a very happy time in your lives!!! :)

Answer 9

Don't tell her at all. Until she asks. She's got some serious issues.
We all love our parents and other family members, but I don't know why so many of you put up with their abusive behavior and not say something. It works wonders to stop worrying about how other people feel and react to the way you live your own life.

Answer 10

If she is that difficult and if you can get away without seeing her for 9 months I would let her know after the baby is born. You and your wife do not need any stress during this happy time