Molestation?

Question

My best friend just found out that her daughter was molested by a close family friend. The reason why her daughter didn't say anything was because she is afraid her dad will do something to the guy and go to jail. The court has the papers already - I guess they are going to press charges - he is in jail now for DUI, so it's going to take a while. Anyways, my question is - what can I say to her? Her daughter is like a daughter to me... I know the guy too and it pisses me off that they have known him for so many years, and gave him all their trust, treated him like a brother and yet he does this?! I also want to know how can we some how control her dad - he will find out about it eventually!! I know he will be hurt, full of anger, and will do something about it without thinking clearly. I have no clue on what advise I should give - can anybody help?

Answer 1

Let your friends daughter know that it wasn't anything she did, the guy has issues he will be forced to deal with. Most victims feel that it was something they did, you need to concentrate on letting her know she didn't do anything wrong, that should be your primary goal.

Has for the father, sit him down with your best friend and one other person who you completely trust and tell him. Do it while they jerk is in jail. This will give the father sometime to let it soak in and give him time to cool down.

Answer 2

As a person who has been in the position of the daughter...Im going to try and help. Theres not much you can say to make things right. The important things is that you be there when she does need you. Everyone deals with things in their own way. Myself...I was molested by my stepfather, who my mother has stayed married too. I still see this person several times a week becasue my mother is very important to me but I also feel a resentment toward her for picking this man over me. But Ive pushed things aside and I deal with it. This will affect her for the rest of her life in one way or another. As Ive said...be there for her when she needs you and you will know when that is.
Now about her dad....Maybe her mom needs to sit down and talk to him while this guy is in jail that way by the time he gets out maybe dad will have calmed down some and wont be so ready to kill him. But the mom needs to explain that the reason for him not being told right away is for the fact that they were concerned that he would do something to land him in jail and then he would be no help to the daughter when she would need him.
Hope Ive helped. Any other questions feel free to ask.
ME

Answer 3

personally speaking... the calamity has hit (or is going to hit) them... so what ever some one says or does....is going to affect them only in a small way.... But in order to make them open their eyes to a new prespective of looking at the whole thing is what u can do... For the daugther, u can give her 2 options...
1) keep thinking about it for the rest of her life and ruin all the happiness that life might have had in store for her and her near and dear ones... hardships, failures, sorrow....
2) Forget it, the moment the guilty is punished... realise that i was an incident that happened one day like a road accident...take up a job she likes doing... keep herself busy and assure the family that she has come over it and is looking forward...That's what energises the family... the fact that their girl has moved ahead....Infact after overcoming times of distress one realises how positive it can be and suddenly their talent shows its head..
As for the father, its the same
he has to know what's happened... and he better think about all before doing anything... an elder person who is close to the family and the father has respect for, should be asked to make the daugther speak to father... sometimes elders listen to their peers more than anyone else....
1) he can get angry, want to serve justice with his hands... think what others would feel and what his daugther would do... make life difficult for everyone around..
2) he can just have some quiet moments with the daugther and family and just see away the storm... take them to a vacation and try to sort the matter out by looking at how day by day people forget things and move ahead... realise the truth that just because some sick guy splased dirty water on u does not mean u remain dirty for the rest of ur life....only the dress gets dirty... change it...he has to realise his daugther is still the most respectable, kind and precious thing in the world.. and make her feel that way...
U make sure u stay as close to the family as possible and try to bring out bare and practical truths of the decisions they make....some times truth goes a long way in helping things slower but forever...
I hope i could help...

Answer 4

it's going to be hard but tell him about the consequences if he hurts the guy or even kills him. the cops will understand why he did it but they must arrest him anyway because no one can take the law into their own hands. it sucks cause i know i'd want to do the same thing, but the law's the law. tell him his daughter needs him outside of jail, not locked up next to this sorry waste of a life as if he were the criminal. the way things are nowadays, he---meaning that piece of work---would get out on bail while he---her father---stays in jail for assault or some other charge we all know is full of crap.

Answer 5

In regards to the girl (poor thing), I guess the best thing you can do is let her know you're there for her if she wants to talk. She'll probably have to talk about this to the authorities, so she may not want to keep talking about it much.

As for her dad, a small family meeting may be a good route. Maybe even slip him a Xanax before you tell him (not trying to be funny here). It will just keep him calmer while this is explained to him. Make sure to emphasize that he will do his daughter no good in jail. Damn, that would be hard. The first thing I would want to do is castrate that man! I can only imagine how you all feel.

Answer 6

The father deserves to know right now. The longer you wait, then he'll be mad at all of you. Most likely, yes, he will become very enraged. Then he will feel guilty that he couldn't protect his daughter. Let him have this feelings, but remind him that he needs to be strong for his daughter, and not have her worrying about him, too.
I really recommend getting the daughter into therapy, too. Family counseling is not a bad idea, either. This is as traumatic as a death in the family.

Answer 7

hi...my cousin has experienced the same thing...she was also molested as a child. She was very afraid that her dad my might do something horrible to the man who did that to her. So she kept quiet and told me about it years later. Well she later find out he did the same thing to our other cousin. She did not stay quiet this time...we pressed charges and told the family. If this person is not stopped he will do it again to another member. And that is absolutely WRONG. He needs to be behind bars with the other perverts. The family needs to know so they can protect the other children and keep it happening to one of theirs.

Answer 8

someone needs to tell her dad. and they need to tell him that he cant go crazy. No matter how much he wants to. I was sexually abused for years. When I finally told, and my dad went to jail, everything got SO crazy and chaotic. I didnt feel like the abuse was nessicarly my fault, but all the crap that happened after THAT was my fault. I felt horrible that Id caused such a problem. everytime my mom cried I felt It was my fault. You all have to keep calm. Make sure that everything that needs to happen happens like, this guy goes to jail, and making sure the girl knows everything is going to be fine. Make sure she knows and feels like she did the right thing by telling. Just saying..."you did the right thing" thats just a line everyone says. If you say, "you did the right thing" then keep it a secret from her dad or she sees all the problems everyones having now that she told, shes not going to believe you. and shell feel awful

Answer 9

It is best advice to tell him in front of a counselor or someone like that so they can help him control his anger. He is going to be more angry if they don't tell him soon after all it is his daughter and friend. He needs to know. If you feel that strong that he is going to do something stupid it is best to do it with a professional around to help him deal with everything.

Answer 10

See to getting Father Anger Manigement Councling,
Whole family is best but if he Refuses to go then go to find out what can be done.
Molester NEEDS help before it go's TOO far and it can !
Think about what Witholding ANY information could cause another Girl MABE even Younger.