Although I am 40, why do I feel like a frightened child?

Question

I have a daughter who is 15 years old & my own business but I still feel like I can't cope with being grown up. I look to my daughter for advice & I don't seem to be able to make desitions on my own. I want to be independent in my own mind. I wish I was a child back at home with my parents safe and secure. Why do I feel this way?

Answer 1

sweetie, you're not alone. it's okay to be insure, and frighten at time. and some time, we need to be fearless and courageous. i do wish you can find someone else to console your uncertainty with some one of your age. remember that your daughter looks up to you as an example of how to be when she's grown up. i'm sure in time you'll be a confident secure woman. start with a small thing that makes you gain your self-confident, like snow boarding, rock climbing, scuba diving, sky diving, etc.

Answer 2

The best advice I can think of is to just get out there and make that decision. Its okay to be wrong, its okay to fail once in a while. Sometimes I want to go back home and live with my parents again when I am scared that I won't succeed. Having your own business can be very stressful. Maybe you're afraid of failing. But don't worry... even if you do mess up or make the wrong choice , its not the end of the world. Take some times for yourself... to de-stress. Sometimes buying a new outfit boosts my self confidence. Go get your nail and hair done... take care of your image and you may feel much better. Go work out. Exercise can really help with the fear.
Good Luck !!!!

Answer 3

Ladybird, I have a 14 yr old son and sometimes we talk but even though he gives me his opinion, i only take that into consideration. You will always be a child at heart but the bible says that when you were a child you played with childish things but now that you are grown its time to put away those childish things ( something to that effect). You shouldn't involve your daughter on things that you need to make decision about. You are a grown woman and if she is involved then she is going to grow up too fast. You should seek counseling alone not with your daughter. You should also get a life and not your daughter's. Please go get help for this condition. I will pray for you.

Answer 4

I've had similar feelings. Actually I use to have them all the time.Maybe you need to look back at how you were treated growing up.You may have been over protected,controlled,never praised or payed attention to.It could be a number of factors that are making you feel this way. Looking back can be hurtful but I think you need to talk to a professional and try to sort out your feelings.I won't say it's easy because it isn't but you will eventually feel much better about yourself if you get some help.Please try it. You have nothing to lose except the chance to be the real you that's trying to find herself.

Answer 5

I think that it's hard to make those important decisions sometimes and to make the leaps that you have to make, but it seems that you are doing a great job. you have a business and you have an almost independent daughter that can make intelligent decisions on her own. I'm in my middle thirties and sometimes wish that I didn't have to put up with this type of stuff as well, but you do and you just take it as it comes. Having friends around or just someone that you can vent to and bat ideas around with can be a help also. But , to me, it sounds as if you are doing well. I say keep up the good work!

Answer 6

You're not alone. All my life I've been waiting to grow up, and I'm not even certain it's happened yet! I've got teens as well, and when I look at them I remember how insecure I was at their ages and marvel at how I've gotten this far. I just think you are at the age where it's like you've reached the top of a hill or mountain and you can look over one side to your past and over the other to your future. The future is unknown to you so it frightens you, but what you have to look at is your accomplishments so far. Who do you know that's really "grown up?" I bet if you ask your parents, they probably don't feel grown up 100% either. Just go with the flow of who you are, and how you do things. You'll be allright. God watches over all of us and that should give you the greatest comfort.

Answer 7

The question is not why you feel that way. The question is if you were actually taught to be an adult. If you never learned any adult qualities and how to function in the real world this could be affecting your life. I would suggest seeing a counseler figure that can help you cope with being an adult and function through a day without feeling like you need to be at home with your parents.
Hope this helps.

Answer 8

I'm not certain why you feel this way, but let me urge you to speak about your concerns to a counselor or some other trusted adult. Your 15 year old, no matter how much you love and trust her, no matter how helpful she is, no matter how mature she may seem, is not ready mentally or emotionally to deal with adult issues. She is especially not ready to be responsible for her own mother. Even if she asks to be included, she isn't capable of dealing with it.

I empathize with your situation. There are many scenarios I can imagine that could lead you to feel the way you do about coping with adult life. Again, I urge you to find a counselor to help you navigate your life without placing adult responsibility on your daughter or giving your power away any other person.

There is help for you out there...please seek it...you deserve to feel confident and safe!

Good luck!

Answer 9

By your question it would appear that you never really aloud yourself to grow up and embrace the highs and lows of life. It sounds as though you may require allot of attention. Everybody needs milk but you need to wing yourself of it. I'll give you this, making decisions is not easy especially when it has to do with others. However the sooner that you can stand by your decisions the quicker you will achieve your independence. Now go out there and be all you can be for the ones who love you most.

Answer 10

You are a successful business woman, you've raised a daughter with enough sense to take care of her mother ( I say that with tongue in cheek ) and you actually know how to pose a question on Answers that can be understood by those who are reading it! So, why would you feel this way? My guess is that you don't have much of a support system. Tap into your husband, friends, etc. to bolster yourself in your emotional needs. That's what they're there for. Hope this helps.