Why do we search for someone who understands?

Question

when we feel we're here to explain.

Answer 1

Humans have a deep seated need to feel that everyone they meet understand them. It is comforting to feel understood, cared for and loved. First we need to look inside ourselves and see if we really understand who we are. It is my opinion that most of us don't understand our own selves.

Answer 2

Since most of my knowledge is in psychology, that's the angle I'd like to take for your question.

1. "Shared reality" is when two people both perceive reality in the same way - for example, they both find that black people are violent, or that a particular August sunset is beautiful, or that a film was poorly written.

2. "Fit" is this deep sense of "rightness" - that things are just...well, right. I think it's a combination of closure, satisfaction, and logic - when you experience "fit", things just feel right and make sense to you. I'd imagine that this is what a dog feels when a particular daily routine has been finished - for example, after it has buried a bone the way it always does. If it doesn't get that bone, it may feel anxious and uneasy.

3. So I think that when you have shared reality with someone, you experience a sense of "fit" - and when you have a clash in reality (for example, to you, the reality is that you were shockingly cheated on, but the reality to your partner is that you must have known it was going on) you get upset. That clash can be caused by a different person with a different reality, or it can be caused by a whole situation. (For many people, a brutal natural disaster clashes with their reality that "people get what they deserve".)

4. I think we spend a large part of our lives just trying to get that sense of fit, that sense of rightness - by trying to change people with different realities and making them share ours, trying to find people who already share our reality, or both at once.

So let's say your question was a reference to Yahoo! Answers. We search for someone who understands because we want that sense of fit - as well as the reassuring companionship - of someone who shares our reality. And we feel we are here to explain, both because the site is loosely about knowledge (although most people don't pay much attention to the rules!) and because we want to convert others to our reality.

In general, this explains - in broad psychological terms - why some people probably come to this site just to rant or vent.

Anyway, the important thing is that there's nothing wrong with wanting a shared reality and being distressed if you don't find one - that calls the world as you know it into question, like a dog who sits outside in total confusion and worry because it never got its bone. It normal and natural. And I think an important part of learning and developing comes from dealing with all these different realities.

This probably had nothing to do with your question, and I've really simplified and took chunks out of two enormous theories but I least I got it off my chest. ;-)

Best of luck!

Answer 3

I guess its because we want to better relate to someone therefore we explain and try to make someone understand. Its human nature to have someone try to understand, that way they can understand you better why you think the way you do, do the things you do and live the life that you do. I guess it all boils down to companionship and we can have a little of that if we explain ourselves and have someone understand. Its a lonely world out there, sometimes its better to make the journey with someone at your side than alone.

Answer 4

We all have a need to be accepted and that's one way it happens!!!
If you are here to explain then what are you missing by asking the question?

Answer 5

Got me, but I sure as hell know your chances are slim to none on teh 3rd floor

Answer 6

those who dont understand dont know we are searching

Answer 7

We all need friends.

Answer 8

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