I have not been in love with my wife for about 3 years. She is a wonderful person but we have had a roomate/brother-sister relationship. All of our freinds know it and while I have been a good provider I have not been the best husband, just exclude her from "guys" stuff and have been unavailable. She is really sweet and a cute girl, but our sexlife and emotional intamacy died years ago. We are in our early 30's and at one point we went a whole year without sex. We have no kids... just animals and we even did try counseling to no avail. My wife was delusional thinking that we were going to have kids one day, while I am not totally opposed to kids I refused to bring them in to the relationship to try to "fix" it. I moved out last week and have finally said that I can no longer live this way... being unemotionally invested :(... I am feeling sad since she will make someone a great wife one day. She is nice, funny, cute and likes football and beer, but I am not in love with her.
2006-08-24 08:18:49 · 27 answers · asked by Chris T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Whether you're the "leavee" or "leaver" it's hard and everyone feels some guilt and loss. If you don't love her...then you did her a favor, which she will realize when "Mr. Right" comes along.
2006-08-24 08:27:26 · answer #1 · answered by brenny_boo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I first have to commend you for not being a cheating husband! Most would have saw this as a perfect opportunity. Your wife knows that you are commendable she probably won't tell you anytime soon but you are. You did what she couldn't do for the same reasons why you are feeling guilty. You are human and you have feelings that is why you feel sad and guilty.Don't! Being sad is natural, it is the end of an era. Guilt is for people who do something wrong and you did not. You made the first step into making life better for the both of you! No one likes to fail, especially at marriage. Remember you aren't the only one to blame. Marriage is a two way street there were probably things that she also contributed. Keep your head up things will fall in to place. One day at a time!
2006-08-24 08:43:23 · answer #2 · answered by LOLITA 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you know how great of a person she is. You could have fixed it not by bringing kids in but being there for her in every aspect. You have excluded her from things,you were not there for her no wonder the relationship didnt work you didnt make any effort on your part. so now you are feeling guilty i think. You are right about one thing she is going to make someone a great wife too bad you could not pull your head out of your a** to relize she could have been a good one for you if you would have treated her like a human being, now who knows what kind of women you will get, cause there are alot that would not put up with that or like the things you like.
2006-08-24 08:33:49 · answer #3 · answered by hopelovesu2004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are making a huge mistake. I never answer these questions but when I read yours I had to respond immediately!!! You are "roommates" because you never included her. You even said in your letter how you "exclude" her from stuff. There is your problem. Why don't you include her? She sounds like she would be fun. You honestly don't make too much sense. Here is my advice. Go to therapy together. But stay separated. Do not make any major decisions...yet. I think you should try "dating" your wife. Start fresh. The therapy will help you resolve your issues that you have. It will take time, But TRUST ME...this is the way to do it. I know because I went through the EXACT situation. You will regret it if you don't try.
2006-08-27 15:12:48 · answer #4 · answered by rosey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You obviously feel guilty and horrible because she is such a good person and it sounds like she didn't do anything wrong. It never feels good to hurt someone you care about. It sounds like you tried...you went to counseling and that says a lot about you. It's not like you just gave up and moved out.
You say that she will make a great wife someday, but she won't be your wife any longer. Obviously, you may feel some regret and fear because you don't know if you will find someone as great as she is. But just remember that you two are not right for each other. She'll find someone to love her as I am sure you will too.
2006-08-24 08:28:06 · answer #5 · answered by blue eyes 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
nobody STAYS in love. you feel horrible because you love her. that's what love is, not wanting to hurt the other person, putting their feelings before your own. you obviously care a great deal for her. you mean you are gonna throw it all away over sex. That is nonsense. That is foolish. For God sake, be a real man and stand on your commitment. No one ever said marriage was easy. It takes a lot of work, and patience, and understanding, and compromise. Don't give up so easy. Nothing good ever comes easy. Lack of sex is your problem, not hers. You need to find a hobby or something to take your mind off of that and maybe then she'll be more willing to be with you intimately.
2006-08-24 08:30:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
After reading your question and your reply, I personally think that you're feeling horrible most likely because she is as you said, a nice, funny, cute, football, beer loving gal....that will make someone a great wife one day. We can't tell our hearts who to be in love with, therefore you're probably just feeling rejected because you weren't in love with her, and know that its nothing she's done purposely wrong. Your statement of not wanting to bring children into a relationship to "fix" it, tells me you're a good person, and that you think of others. Hang in there, and don't beat yourself down because it didn't work. Noone deserves to live in a loveless situation. We are each responsible for our own happiness. Best of luck to you...keep your chin up!
2006-08-24 08:30:50 · answer #7 · answered by misplacedmountainwoman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is a serious thing. You MUST be 100% sure. I don't think you are. You still might love her. PLEASE take my advice. I am recently divorce and know what you are going through. I know I made a mistake wanting a divorce. GO to therapy by yourself and together. You should not make any rash decisions. Therapy will help you but it does take some time. If you are feeling horrible it might not be the right thing for you. She sounds awesome. You might have issues to work through and come to some type of revelation you didnt know about yourself. Take your time. If she is willing to work with you..you might be better off. You married her for a reason.
2006-08-27 04:16:06 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm guessing you feel guilty because you still love your wife. You may not be in love with her, but you still have feelings for her. Besides you made vows and regardless of how you feel now, I'm guessing those vows are still in the back of your mind. In the long run you need to do what is best for you, and since there are no children in the picture maybe leaving is the best choice. Good Luck:)
2006-08-24 09:17:30 · answer #9 · answered by **hope/faith**1744 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there.
I filed for the divorce, but I still felt like crap for doing it.
It's just the whole thing of, you know you're hurting someone that you still care about. Even if you're not in love with her, you still care, and that's the part that hurts. Just be thankful that there was no children. Time will help your ex too. You did the right thing, if the relationship has been over for years now it was time to move on.
GOOD LUCK!!! To the both of you.
2006-08-24 08:29:39 · answer #10 · answered by Illinoismom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why you feel guilty. It is natural to want a fulfilling sex life. She may make someone a good wife someday but not for you. She will need someone who wants the same type of relationship that she wants. You will feel bad for a while but when you get better, make sure your next relationship is more compatible. I'm sorry and good luck.
2006-08-24 08:30:59 · answer #11 · answered by jax0817 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋